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Family help really needed

mikeman

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Ok,so i little background first.I live at home with my mom,dad,and sister who is 17,almost 18. Over the last 8 months or so she has basically just ruined every bodies life. She doesn't listen to anybody,she is basically failing out of high school and hangs around with these loser thugs.I don't know what her plans are for the future but they are not looking good. She skips school and doesn't come home some nights.I really wish i could say i don't care but i am not like that,and it is literally killing my parents. Both of them smoke,I am pretty sure my dad is now an alcoholic and to top it off there is LOTS of stress.It is extremely hard to see my parents go through this. Can anybody off any help or advice.I am 21 and this is really stressing me out.It seems that my once great family is now just deteriorating.

Thank you in advance
 

thekunk07

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don;t even know where to begin. you have somewhere you can stay?
 

mikeman

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Originally Posted by thekunk07
don;t even know where to begin. you have somewhere you can stay?

Yea,I live at home because my school is so close.I am pretty much what keeps them from killing eachother.
 

bach

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ouch man, that's a tough situation.

maybe she hangs out with these "thugs" because they flatter her and make her feel less insecure about herself? maybe they make her life more exciting and she's trying to escape from the mundane...?

whatever the reason, i guess you should find the root of the problem and try to counteract it. try to get her to think about her future and her parents/family, and not get caught up in moment. show her that her inward focus is harming people. i hope things aren't beyond the point of no return and you can still do something about this.





sincerely,

an idealistic teenager
 

sydneycentric

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Do you normally get along with your sister well? If you do, choose the right time (if there is such a thing) to talk to her about the effect she is having on your family.
 

mikeman

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Originally Posted by sydneycentric
Do you normally get along with your sister well? If you do, choose the right time (if there is such a thing) to talk to her about the effect she is having on your family.

Thanks for the reply.I have done that and she doesnt think think she is doing anything wrong.Im pretty sure she doesnt care that she is making her family.
 

rach2jlc

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Anytime somebody posts this very serious life stuff, I have to ask, why ask on a general, clothing enthusiasts forum?

This is a very serious issue for you and you need to talk to somebody who knows your situation better and who can help you directly... a mentor/priest/family friend/doctor/teacher/professor, etc.

I really think you shouldn't put an important issue like this in the hands of a friendly, relaxed clothing forum. We are qualified to tell you about EG shoes, selvage denim, and the handwork/detailing of expensive suits. For the sort of stuff you asked in your OP, though, we shouldn't be trusted.

Best of luck to you in your situation and I hope it works out for you.
 

playdohh22

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Originally Posted by rach2jlc
Anytime somebody posts this very serious life stuff, I have to ask, why ask on a general, clothing enthusiasts forum?

This is a very serious issue for you and you need to talk to somebody who knows your situation better and who can help you directly... a mentor/priest/family friend/doctor/teacher/professor, etc.

I really think you shouldn't put an important issue like this in the hands of a friendly, relaxed clothing forum. We are qualified to tell you about EG shoes, selvage denim, and the handwork/detailing of expensive suits. For the sort of stuff you asked in your OP, though, we shouldn't be trusted.

Best of luck to you in your situation and I hope it works out for you.


+1

but i will give a word of advice. you just need to talk to your sister, bottom line. i used to skip school everyday in high school, doing really stupid things, wasting my time. she just has to realize her future and how important it is. i don't really know what triggered me to start thinking that way... but just try talking to her first.
 

TC (Houston)

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Your family needs some professional counseling to address several issues. Speaking from experience, it can really work wonders.
 

83glt

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Originally Posted by rach2jlc
Anytime somebody posts this very serious life stuff, I have to ask, why ask on a general, clothing enthusiasts forum? This is a very serious issue for you and you need to talk to somebody who knows your situation better and who can help you directly... a mentor/priest/family friend/doctor/teacher/professor, etc. I really think you shouldn't put an important issue like this in the hands of a friendly, relaxed clothing forum. We are qualified to tell you about EG shoes, selvage denim, and the handwork/detailing of expensive suits. For the sort of stuff you asked in your OP, though, we shouldn't be trusted. Best of luck to you in your situation and I hope it works out for you.
+1 I don't come here to read about people's family issues, and I don't think anyone should be posting such stuff here. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I think your post and others like it are just inappropriate for a number of reasons. That said, perhaps your family should try some professional counseling as TC mentioned. Otherwise, your sister is 17, thinks she's cool and knows it all. She'll be crying for forgiveness soon enough.
 

West24

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Originally Posted by 83glt
+1

I don't come here to read about people's family issues, and I don't think anyone should be posting such stuff here. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I think your post and others like it are just inappropriate for a number of reasons.

That said, perhaps your family should try some professional counseling as TC mentioned. Otherwise, your sister is 17, thinks she's cool and knows it all. She'll be crying for forgiveness soon enough.


then dont click on the thread, idiot.
 

zupermaus

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Basically in a teenagers life, especially 17-18 years old they are becoming adults. Her life choices are hers alone, and even as family you must force yourself to respect that. The most you can do is guide her (let her know the facts and consequences about failing school) or let her know your emotions (as they say suggestion is the art of teaching), but whatever decision she makes is for herself to decide on - you must make it clear it is her alone, and she doesnt have to be pressured into anything - otherwise therein lies years of suppressed anger there on her behalf toward the family. When you treat someone as an adult they tend to behave as one. This may be something you should communicate to your parents - their lack of acceptance of her behaviour may be what's driving it. As an adult she deserves respect, and as a family member she deserves to be loved for her mistakes. Even if you see her causing unnecessary suffering to your parents she is not alone in being to blame. There are two separate issues here - her life decisions, and the suffering of your parents. Dont confuse the two even if they are linked. They are separate - I doubt she is purposely doing this to hurt people. The other thing is of course why she feels she needs to go down this route, especially if you look at ones childhood or family life (or nowadays, school life) - and whatever you do don't compare it to your own experience of it, her emotions sound very different from yours, and everyone has a right to their emotions. Another thing, believe me if you do end up stopping her 'hanging with the wrong crowd' etc. it will manifest itself later or in another way. The only thing you can do is be there for her if things fall apart - and let her know that. There is an old Chinese saying, a person who tends to extremes is a sign of a lost soul. So in other words, REACH OUT, and be prepared to do alot of tongue biting, be prepared to see your parents continue to suffer, and for her to continue to hurt them indirectly, but things will change provided she is allowed to mature on her own terms. This may also be something your parents need to hear
At the end of the day be prepared for her to fail at school, not go to uni and get a crappy job later in life - but as worst case scenarios go, there is far worse things that can happen to a person, especially their lifelong psyche. As I said, people, as long as they have the facts, have the right to their make their own mistakes even if you have to stand by and watch them doing it. The most important thing I can stress, is if this does transpire, your parents must accept her situation, and love her the same, respect her the same, and not try and better her. Once again this is for her to do if so she wants it, her life is in her court. The other thing is yes, you should be careful what happens with her, try to be her friend she can tell anything to (eg what drugs shes using, who she's into with) rather than the older brother/ parent figure it would be weird to 'expose' anything to. Someone she can trust into confiding with, and who can give advice if she wants it, and who will not tell on her. Humour and humouring is always a good opener; and this is infinitely preferable to her not saying anything at all on her emotional map. There is always a balance to everything - the yin and yang.
 

zupermaus

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On a brighter note, Ive always found the kids who are crazy tend to turn out fine later on. The kids who are repressed into being good or work hard 'burn out' too early and tend to go crazy as teens - but also turn out fine later on, especially after the surprisingly valuable life lessons one can learn from the extremes, and that they've 'got it out of the system.'

The people who are repressed, 'made good', or not accepted for who they are or what they do (especially by family) all their lives are the ones to watch out for.
 

j

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Originally Posted by West24
then dont click on the thread, idiot.
f'n A. I don't know what to say to the OP, but for chrissakes.
 

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