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Falling for a girl w/a kid

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by ken, May 3, 2006.

  1. ken

    ken Senior member

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    I think I am. Cautions?
     
  2. globetrotter

    globetrotter Senior member

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    if you become serious, it will change your life to an extend you simply will not believe. good luck
     
  3. Margaret

    Margaret Senior member

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    What's her relationship with the child's father? That's what I'd be concerned about.
     
  4. LA Guy

    LA Guy Opposite Santa Staff Member Admin Moderator

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    My wife had a kid (I knew him when he was born.) Definitely changes life. Watch Jerry Maguire or something...
     
  5. faustian bargain

    faustian bargain Senior member

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    if you're used to moving in and out of relationships relatively easily - and planning to keep doing so - this one might be stickier. (just a guess, not having had that experience.) if you're a heartbreaker, remember you'll be breaking two hearts.
     
  6. skalogre

    skalogre Senior member

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    What's her relationship with the child's father? That's what I'd be concerned about.

    Excellent point. Plus, do you get along with the child? VERY important.
     
  7. Martinis at 8

    Martinis at 8 Senior member

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    Move on without the baggage.

    Also for the girl, worst gift a parent can give a kid is a step-parent. Doesn't even matter if it's a good step-parent.

    It's nice to say, "I am the parent of my own children".

    M8
     
  8. j

    j Senior member Admin

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    Also for the girl, worst gift a parent can give a kid is a step-parent. Doesn't even matter if it's a good step-parent.

    Uh... no.

    A parent could give a half-ass relationship with a lowlife "real" parent. This would be the worst.

    The best gift a parent could give is a clean break with said real parent.

    I'll just leave it at that.
     
  9. Arethusa

    Arethusa Senior member

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    Move on without the baggage. Also for the girl, worst gift a parent can give a kid is a step-parent. Doesn't even matter if it's a good step-parent. It's nice to say, "I am the parent of my own children".
    This is by far some of the worst advice I have ever seen.
     
  10. Martinis at 8

    Martinis at 8 Senior member

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    Uh... no.

    A parent could give a half-ass relationship with a lowlife "real" parent. This would be the worst.

    The best gift a parent could give is a clean break with said real parent.

    I'll just leave it at that.


    I would ditch the lowlife real parent too, but just not hook up again. Choose wisely the first time, and if one chooses wrong, then don't choose again.

    M8
     
  11. tangerine

    tangerine Senior member

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    To summarize:

    It is how you get along with the child that will likely make or break the relationship.

    The situation with the child's father is also important to know. It may be problematic, or not, but you should find out as much as you can.

    Stepfamilies are tough, but can be done. It's just that the chemistry involves more than the usual two principals.
     
  12. LA Guy

    LA Guy Opposite Santa Staff Member Admin Moderator

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    Move on without the baggage. Also for the girl, worst gift a parent can give a kid is a step-parent. Doesn't even matter if it's a good step-parent. It's nice to say, "I am the parent of my own children". M8
    I'm usually pretty evenhanded in my comments, but you are just wrong, this both from personal experience and from observing lots of other cases. Just as an example, I know one guy who never found the right woman, and he raised/is raising, a household full of "unadoptable" boys. I would say that he gives them (he is not a foster parent, but has formally adopted all of them, so he is not doing this for the money, trust me) an immeasurably better upbringing than any one of them would have had being bounced from foster home to foster home, or from institution to institution. I'm probably not the first to tell you this, but if I am, I may be doing you a huge service. You come off as a pompous ass in writing. Fok. (not writing as a moderator).
     
  13. globetrotter

    globetrotter Senior member

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    sorry, M8, got to agree with Fok. I love that my son looks like me, but I would love him anyway. I know a lot of people who are raising children that aren't their own, biologically. the important thing here is not to fuck over the kid here - to understand going in that you are basically taking on the responsiblities of a family.
     
  14. tiger02

    tiger02 Senior member

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    20% of all Americans don't know who their real Daddy is anyway. Sucks, doesn't it?
     
  15. chrysalid

    chrysalid Senior member

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    I think I am. Cautions?

    how old's the kid?

    remember, if you split up with her, you're going to have to 'split up' with the child as well. this may be harder than you think if you have developed any sort of emotional bond with the kid (which, depending on the amount of time together and the age, you probably will have). definitely not a reason not to go for it though.
     
  16. nightowl6261a

    nightowl6261a Senior member

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    20% of all Americans don't know who their real Daddy is anyway. Sucks, doesn't it?
    What about the 25% who don't know who there mama is either......I guess that is why everywhere I go, some dumb-ass says..."Who's yo mama?"....it is all coming to me now. Thank the lord I have no children!
     
  17. Fabienne

    Fabienne Senior member

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    Have you already met the child?
     
  18. Bradford

    Bradford Senior member

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    Have you already met the child?

    Very good point - because if you have not yet met the child, I would keep it that way - at least in the early stages. If you two get to the point where you want to make it serious, that's the time to let the kid know that mommy has a new friend.

    Just remember - if it doesn't work out, it's going to be harder on the kid than on you and your girl. Plus - the kid probably already has some residual guilt from the divorce/separation.

    I went with a couple of girls with kids, but other issues ultimately drove us apart. I have a very good friend who married a girl with two young kids and they call him dad and it's working great. You just have to be very careful and remember that everything you and your girl do affects the child, her ex and possibly other people as well.
     
  19. Margaret

    Margaret Senior member

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    Move on without the baggage.

    It's nice to say, "I am the parent of my own children".

    M8


    I don't know, "I love him as much as if he were my own" doesn't sound so bad.
     
  20. Martinis at 8

    Martinis at 8 Senior member

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    Here's another "pompous ass" comment, just for you LA Guy.

    "The single parent and the new prospective mate will discuss the issue of the child as if it were an inanimate object."

    Cheers,

    PA [​IMG]
     

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