Email from my ex-What to make of it?

[mrpologuy]

I dated a girl from 2001-2004. It was a pretty good relationship. We had some good times but alot of bad. I cheated on her 2 times and she was ********** with this guy she had a crush for about 2 years that we dated. She was 90 miles away at college, so she could get away with it. It ended really bad. I demanded she pay me back all the money I gave her. I only did it to hurt her because I know she didn't have it. She is engaged now to the guy she cheated on me with. I have been in a great relationship for 2.5 years. We have not seen each other in 3 years and have only spent about 5 minutes on the phone in the past 3 years. I have not seen her since 2004. We have texted several times about meeting for drinks but never have. She texted me at 1:40am the other night and said I should check my email. Here is the email:

Hi,

I know we haven't spoken in awhile. I'm sorry about your grandpa, my mom read it in the newspaper when he died; my grandpa Braun died in January and I completely understand how it feels. Hey, I'm getting married in less than a year and I know I say this all the time, but would you be free on Wednesday (May 23rd) to meet me for drinks? Matt has a Tiger game so I'd like it to be just you and me if you're interested. I think it's important to talk to you, I hope you'd like to see me too. Please let me know.

Katie

PS--I attached pics of my wedding dress just cuz I thought you might like to see it.



I am not sure what to make of it. I would like to see her and try to be friends because we did hav esome good time and I want her to be happy. I am not sure if I should go or not. Should I go? What do you guys make of this email? We would proabably meet at a place like Wild Wings or some place real casual. What should I wear if I do go? I appreciate all your thoughts.

 

[lawyerdad]

Run away from this situation really fast. If you really want her to be happy in her relationship, having surreptitious meetings and conversations with her -- even if nothing sexual happens -- is not going to promote that goal. If she's not happy and is having second thoughts about the marriage, getting yourself draw into that is just a recipe for disaster.

And sending the the picture of the wedding dress is just weird, in my view, and a very troubling sign.

If you wanted to meet her just because you wanted to try for some ******** as she sows her last wild oats or whatever, it might make sense. (Any moral or similar issues that might raise I leave to you.) But otherwise it just strikes me as bad, bad, bad.

 

[gdl203]

I would go if I were you and if you feel you'd like to hear from her (only you can tell). I've learned from experience that there is no sure rule about dealing with ex-girlfriends and staying friends or not. It can be awkward, frustrating, annoying or painful with some, but some can transition pretty well to the friend side

 

[GQgeek]

Originally Posted by mrpologuy

I dated a girl from 2001-2004. It was a pretty good relationship. We had some good times but alot of bad. I cheated on her 2 times and she was ********** with this guy she had a crush for about 2 years that we dated. She was 90 miles away at college, so she could get away with it. It ended really bad. I demanded she pay me back all the money I gave her. I only did it to hurt her because I know she didn't have it. She is engaged now to the guy she cheated on me with. I have been in a great relationship for 2.5 years. We have not seen each other in 3 years and have only spent about 5 minutes on the phone in the past 3 years. I have not seen her since 2004. We have texted several times about meeting for drinks but never have. She texted me at 1:40am the other night and said I should check my email. Here is the email:

Hi,

I know we haven't spoken in awhile. I'm sorry about your grandpa, my mom read it in the newspaper when he died; my grandpa Braun died in January and I completely understand how it feels. Hey, I'm getting married in less than a year and I know I say this all the time, but would you be free on Wednesday (May 23rd) to meet me for drinks? Matt has a Tiger game so I'd like it to be just you and me if you're interested. I think it's important to talk to you, I hope you'd like to see me too. Please let me know.

Katie

PS--I attached pics of my wedding dress just cuz I thought you might like to see it.



I am not sure what to make of it. I would like to see her and try to be friends because we did hav esome good time and I want her to be happy. I am not sure if I should go or not. Should I go? What do you guys make of this email? We would proabably meet at a place like Wild Wings or some place real casual. What should I wear if I do go? I appreciate all your thoughts.

This has the makings of a good thread.

Did she ever pay you back? Knowing a lot of women I'm guessing that she didn't. Anyway, it sounds like it was a messed-up situation. Who cheated first, and did the other know they were being cheated on?

 

[VMan]

Originally Posted by mrpologuy

What should I wear if I do go?

Wear the absolute most flattering clothing you own. Not your most dressed-up, but the things that look the best on you, and give chicks wide-ons. Make her realize what she is missing.

As for the situation, it sounds like she wants some attention, maybe also to flaunt the fact she is getting married. Why else would she email you after no contact in three years? Especially by mentioning she is getting married and wants to see you beforehand, and by including a picture of her dress.

I don't understand why girls want to dig up the past and be part of your life again...

 

[Joel_Cairo]

Originally Posted by lawyerdad

Run away from this situation really fast. If you really want her to be happy in her relationship, having surreptitious meetings and conversations with her -- even if nothing sexual happens -- is not going to promote that goal. If she's not happy and is having second thoughts about the marriage, getting yourself draw into that is just a recipe for disaster.

And sending the the picture of the wedding dress is just weird, in my view, and a very troubling sign.

If you wanted to meet her just because you wanted to try for some ******** as she sows her last wild oats or whatever, it might make sense. (Any moral or similar issues that might raise I leave to you.) But otherwise it just strikes me as bad, bad, bad.

+1

spoken with the wisdom of a lawyer and a father. Absolutely nothing good will come out of this meeting. Offer to meet up with her and her hubby after the wedding for a drink and a toast to their vows.

 

[itsstillmatt]

I think that if you want to see her as an old friend it is a fine thing to do.

I would not want anything to do with a girl who was pumping a guy behind my back for two years, but then again, I am not GQGeek.

 

[mrpologuy]

She did pay me back. Her dad actually came to my house on a Sunday morning to give me the money and several things i had bought her over the years. She gave me the Kate Spade purse back, but kept the PS2. I had cheated first and did it 2 times while she was ********** with this guy for 2 years. The only reason she told me is because she was drunk. She burned me over the coals when she found out about me but when i found out about her she wanted to drop the subject. My GF knows she emailed me so she knows I might be going. I think this is going to be a great thread.

 

[ccardill]

Only go if you really want to see her. It doesn't matter what her motives are if its something you want to do. So if you do want to see her, I would tell her tomorrow doesn't work, lets go whatever other date and you pick the place. Don't let her dictate terms. Then I would subtly rebuild attraction and f*@k her in the bathroom.

 

[dirk diggler]

Polo,

I would meet her for the drinks and hear what she has to say. Alot of men can't handle women meeting with their ex's and you don't want a scene. She may want to apologize for everything. I had 3 women who did me wrong call me within a one week span to meet for drinks and ask my forgiveness. Apparently, they were all getting married or heavily involved with someone else and were worried about karma. I agree with Lawyerdad that sending a photo of the dress is weird, but use it to your advantage. Talk about it, the color, design, etc. $20 says her hubby to be doesn't care about the wedding details so she will have even for sorrow when you part ways. And be a gentleman - pick up the tab.

 

[Ambulance Chaser]

I think lawyerdad generally gives very sound advice, but I respectfully disagree with his take on the situation. Without knowing more about the ex, it sounds like she is sincere in her sympathy for your loss and her desire to bury the hatchet. (Which, it should be noted, was caused by both parties.) If that's all there is, I see no harm in meeting her -- life is too short to hold grudges. Imagine you decided not to meet her and later found out she was killed in a car accident. Would you regret it?

Asking her to return gifts you gave her during the relationship strikes me as petty. The whole idea of a gift is that it is unconditional.

You should make sure that the current GF is okay with the meeting. Women tend to be very sensitive about these kinds of things.

 

[Joffrey]

This looks like a mutliple choice question:

A.) Dont Go
B.) Get dressed, go, seduce her, tell "Matt" all about it in lurid detail
C.) Get dressed, go, be a gentleman and end the meeting with closure (bring picture and great stories of new girlfriend incase she wants to talk about her dress and "matt")
D.) Get dressed, go and bring NEW girl along (granted that she's prettier, smarter than old girl)

 

[ericmelton]

This chick sounds devious. If you're worried that the meeting could set something off that you'd regret, don't go.

 

[itsstillmatt]

Originally Posted by Jodum5

This looks like a mutliple choice question:

A.) Dont Go
B.) Get dressed, go, seduce her, tell "Matt" all about it in lurid detail
C.) Get dressed, go, be a gentleman and end the meeting with closure (bring picture and great stories of new girlfriend incase she wants to talk about her dress and "matt")
D.) Get dressed, go and bring NEW girl along (granted that she's prettier, smarter than old girl)
I would go for #D. It is above board and the way to go. Of course if the new girl is fugly I would not bring her.

 

[mrpologuy]

I have never even met Matt before and proably won't till they get marries. I know she is going to send me an invitation. I have talked to the GF about this and she said it is fine since she still talks to her old ex. I know asking for things back was petty, but I was young, stupid and hurt. My GF now is busy and doesn't want to go. She said we should treat them to a nice dinner. I hope this extra info helps.