Dressing Better Than The Boss

[Nexus6]

Hello everyone, I would appreciate feedback on this question... I am an office worker (when employed). I work in the field of engineering, as a CAD Operator (Computer Drafting) Let me share with you some moments. (I know, I know...'when in Rome, do as Romans do'....) Basically, I am generally one paycheck away from bankruptcy, as most people are. I be poor. There, I have said it. But the world of Thrift Shopping has allowed me to enjoy clothes and shoes, that would otherwise be completely un-reachable to me. Today, I can dress like James Bond I am deeply grateful to the wealthy who donate their clothes to these stores, or share otherwise. The results of my new wardrobe (and ever-respectful behaviour), have gleened powerful reactions. Part ONE...On the 'up' side... 1) wherever I go, day or night, women, even younger women, are much nicer to me, and even agreeable in conversation. (I am in my mid-40's) Are they only seeing the illusion of wealth and sucking up?

2) When I go into a high-brow clothing store, sales staff are ever-so friendly and accomidating. (especially when seeing the 'Burberry' tag on my trenchcoat; a Salvation Army Thrift Store find) It's just like that scene from the movie 'Pretty Woman' where Richard Gere is telling the store attendant that he will be spending obscene amounts of money..note the attendants response) 3) Most of the women in any office I work in, are very nice and shower me with compliments. but now... Part TWO...The 'Down-side'. I am getting some very negative reactions too.. Now to preface this portion of the thread, I want to state, that as I have been, and continue to be poor (monetarily), I have always observed and employed my very best behaviour to everyone I meet or work with. I show an abiding respect for others, and show my humility at all times. yes...some regard that as 'weakness'.. So..the negative reactions.. A) The men who DO say something about my clothes, give me comments like: 'What are you dressing up for? No one dresses like THAT every day' or 'going to a job interview?' or 'What's with the tie everyday man...lose the ties already!' or 'Crap! How many pairs of shoes do you own!!' or 'You got balls man. You dress better than the boss!' B) The company partners/owners/bosses, are much nicer, but still...I get some glaring stares; almost resentful, as though they were saying with their eyes, 'just who do you think you are, slave?' One of the supervisors one day, at the coffee machine, (we were alone) very nicely said, 'You know, you really don't have to dress up every day..casual is fine here' What I 'felt' him saying was, 'Look you pretentious little bastard, you're making the rest of us look like the slobs we are, and we will resent you for it, so tone it down'. Part THREE ...How I have responded..... IF someone compliments my clothes, I generally say, 'Oh, thank you (with a smile)'..and then add, 'I also love your oufit/blouse/dress/shoes too!' 'Well Thanks Bill (Steve, John, etc) and smile. I NEVER 'Name-Drop' the brand names unless asked. I don't ever want to make anyone feel inferior by name-dropping, or make myself look lke an arrogant creep. again....humility all the way. If a BOSS questions my dressing up, or asks why am I 'doing this'.. I simply reply, 'Well William, I always give my best efforts to you (which is true), and part of that is to show respect for myself and the company I work for. You bring important clients to the office, and I feel that I can contribute, by representing this firm by conduct and clothes, as well as my work. IF a client sees nicely appointed staff, it shows prosperity and therefore encourages confidence to the client, which may help business. Lastly, If I get REPEATED negative comments from a co-worker, (typically some jealous male) I FEEL like saying... 'Look you stupid ass...understand this ok...I am NOT here to impress YOU. I am here to impress my Employers' But what I ACTUALLY will say is, (in a lowered voice, like I am sharing a sceret) 'You know Greg, with the economy the way it is, let me share something with you...'the interview' is never over

meaning never slide on your work, appearance, or behaviour..because we are all replaceable....and ..if you want, anytime you like after work, I'd be happy to share some dressing tips with you..you know, like how to shine your shoes, or iron a shirt (wink) 'Remember Greg, you have to 'teach' people how to treat you. (more winks to him) If you dress like a poor slob, they'll treat you like one, but if you make a little effort to dress better, they WILL notice, and appreciate it; Now I never tell a man what to do, but I am always happy to share what I have learned.' To a woman who hammered on me for dressing up... I FELT like saying, 'Look *****...you spent $30,000 on that CAR of yours, $300,000 on that HOUSE of yours.....and you're dogging me for wearing a Canali shirt and Church's shoes? What I ACTUALLY said was, 'Well (half-laugh & lowered voice), you know Stella, I don't have a house, car or kids, and this is the only luxury in my life, so I hope you won't resent me for it. And, you get to enjoy it more than I do, I mean, its more fun to look at nice clothes, than to spend all of ones money buying and maintaining it all.(winks) Now THAT response usually turns her around...because she'll soften and even agree with me, that its just too expensive to maintain it all..whew! OK...... Now its YOUR turn everyone

Is it OK to dress better than the Boss? Do we poor folk have the 'right' to dress nicely every day? What are YOUR comebacks, responses, adventures? Please comment and/or add to this post, because I really need your input, as you here, are the real masters of fine clothing and what to do,when,where, etc. Thank you for your time reading this.

 

[anon]

it sounds to me like you're dressing in a way that's inappropriate for the job and inappropriate for the environment and it's causing waves.

if I were you I'd lose the tie and start "fitting in" a little better. maybe that's just me.

 

[CatsEyes]

I think you must have a better class of thrift store in your neighbourhood than I do in mine...

 

[Jack2000]

Don't dress better than your boss-- they feel like they are over paying you.

 

[JayJay]

Your responses seem fine to me. If you're dressing in a suit and tie when everyone else is in jeans and t-shirts then I can understand the comments. But if your clothes are better coordinated, fit well, and of noticeably higher quality, then I wouldn't be bothered. However, there must be something that triggers the negativity.

 

[millionaire75]

Originally Posted by Jack2000

Don't dress better than your boss-- they feel like they are over paying you.

Good point. Also, as another poster said, you need to dress appropriate for the job environment. Nobody wears ties where I work. It's just dress shirts and pants. I would never think of wearing a tie. The way to differentiate yourself is to wear good quality and good fit. Standing out like a sore thumb at a job can do more harm than you think.

 

[zalb916]

First, if you're as verbose IRL as on the internet, then I can understand the negative reactions. Second, your responses seem rather inappropriate. You vocalize to your boss, who has established the office dress code for whatever reasons, that his way of doing things is wrong, while yours is right. I'm sure he appreciates that. You declare to your "jealous" male coworkers that you know more than them, and you are condescending to women who ask about your appearance.

If you don't want to change your appearance to appease others, then that's your prerogative. But if people comment to you, there's no need to lecture them.

 

[bmulford]

Thanks for putting so much effort into your post. I've seen dozens like this, but typically degenerates into "bitches!!" within 2 sentences. I think almost everybody on MC who doesn't work in a field that requires a formal outfit daily, has had this experience. Part of being respectful is making other people feel comfortable. If you're dressing several levels of formality above everyone else, causing you to inappropriately stand out, people will feel uncomfortable. Your aim should be to find the balance between pleasing yourself and putting your peers at ease. Nobody likes to feel like the guy next to them is challenging them in every competitive aspect 100% of the time. Ties, I've observed are the biggest grievance. Perhaps its the commonly held notion that ALL men hate them - thus your wearing them MUST be out of malevolence. Leading to implied threats about 'dressing better than the boss'. Chances are your boss is far less concerned about it, than your coworkers suggest. If you perform, don't create issues, and are instrumental in making them look good, you can dress how you like. Some considerations: Perhaps wear ties on days when you are distinctly more casual. E.g., bold check jackets in brighter colors with patterned pants. Nobody will mistake you for interviewing - rather they'll think you're going to a wedding or something. Saying you have something you do after work may help ease the tension. For example, play in a musical arrangement, or are performing theater, or attending a management class. Wear suits whenever you have folks visiting the office. E.g., vendors, customers, executives or management from other locations. You can justify the suit formality by saying you never know if you'll have to present or represent your team/organization when people come in. If it were entirely left to me, I'd dress in a suit every day. But I know that it puts some folks off, so I have to go for a dressed-up casual look more often than not.

 

[ysc]

It seems so ridiculous that in the more casual office, the whole point of which is a more relaxed feeling, wearing what you are comfortable in, that people should attract criticism for dressing smartly if that happens to be what they like wearing.
I would be tempted to say **** 'em, wear what you like and tell them you dress like that because you enjoy doing so, but probably you should tone yourself down a bit, or ask your boss if he perceives it as a problem, just lay the situation out for him in as simple as way as possible without criticising anyone, and see what he says.

Can't wait to join the workforce myself, all that close mindedness and enforced mediocrity, awesome.

 

[porcelain monkey]

It sure sounds to me like you are sticking out in the office by the way you dress. This can certainly be an issue - either overdressing or underdressing for the perceived office norm - that can effect your employment prospects. I would say bite your lip and dress "down" a notch. Without seeing what you wear it's hard to make too many recommendations, but I would say don't wear a tie too often, but wear a jacket, or a slimmer cut suit with no tie and more casual shoes. If you do wear a tie, put on a sweater or pair it with a bolder shirt for a more casual look. If anyone asks why you are wearing a tie on a random Wednesday, just say "oh, I just felt like it today" or lie and tell them you are going to the opera after work.

I would look at this as a challenge. I have always found business casual to be harder than business attire to put together.

 

[millionaire75]

Originally Posted by youngscientist

Can't wait to join the workforce myself, all that close mindedness and enforced mediocrity, awesome.

You have no idea....

 

[SkinnyGoomba]

This is just my opinion, but i think you need to stop explaining yourself to your fellow employees, i'm certain they feel like they're being lectured. example:

This is what you said:

"(in a lowered voice, like I am sharing a sceret) 'You know Greg, with the economy the way it is,
let me share something with you...'the interview' is never over meaning never slide on your work, appearance, or behaviour..because we are all replaceable....and
..if you want, anytime you like after work,
I'd be happy to share some dressing tips with you..you know,
like how to shine your shoes, or iron a shirt (wink)

'Remember Greg, you have to 'teach' people how to treat you. (more winks to him)
If you dress like a poor slob, they'll treat you like one,
but if you make a little effort to dress better, they WILL notice, and appreciate it;
Now I never tell a man what to do, but I am always happy to share what I have learned.'"


This is where you may want to stop explaining

"Greg, my man, the interview is never over".

This is what you said:

'Well (half-laugh & lowered voice), you know Stella, I don't have a house, car or kids,
and this is the only luxury in my life, so I hope you won't resent me for it.
And, you get to enjoy it more than I do, I mean, its more fun to look at nice clothes,
than to spend all of ones money buying and maintaining it all.(winks)

This is more then enough

(in a joking tone) Hey, its my only enjoyment in life

....Proceed to walk away smiling.



I also do my best to tone it down when its really over the top. If you're in a senario where the typical dress consists of cotton pants and a 'dress' shirt. Then you might want to wear a knit tie, wool tie, or cotton tie which appear more casual. Wear a jacket to the office then remove it at the office. Wear a sweater with the combo, which usually tones it down a notch.

Instead of wearing cap toes, wear loafers.


Just some ideas.

 

[MLIW]

I think the problem here si that the job sounds like it is a casual type office, and by dressing up people are in a moderate way, probably through lack of understanding beginning to think you are a bit of a jobsworth, I would wear what others do in a day to day environment, I know from my work I would look rediculous when coming to work in a suit!

 

[Davelli0331]

This subject was touched upon in this thread. The general sentiment that I personally took from that thread is not to dress to a higher level of formality, but to match the level of formality of your workers but in higher-quality, better-fitting and -coordinated clothes. That's the best advice I've found so far on this subject, which seems to be one that many of us deal with. I agree with ****** that you really shouldn't be offering lengthy explanations. Lengthy explanations always come off as either apologetic or patronizing.

 

[voxsartoria]

I suggest that you start wearing a boutonnière every day.

- B