Do you give your SO an allowance?

[HORNS]

Considering that my wife has a job, has a much better business sense than I do, and does the finances in our home, she gives ME an allowance.

 

[LabelKing]

Originally Posted by kwilkinson

Is this all for real, or are you just messin with him?

Sometimes, the married children will live with the parents and other assorted relatives.

 

[Coho]

What exactly do you mean by this? Do you live with/support your GF's grandparents as well?

Originally Posted by Brian SD

What I learned today:

I'm in an exchanged based relationship, which is inherently unhealthy. I'm also part of the Asian family structure, and I am completely fucked. My only option is to dump my girlfriend, or forever be miserable. On the upside, I can ground my girlfriend if she does something bad, and grind her if she does something good.

 

[GQgeek]

Originally Posted by Coho

What exactly do you mean by this? Do you live with/support your GF's grandparents as well?

*sigh*

 

[West24]

well i pay my girls by the minute, and only speak to them on the phone. so hes ahead of me.

 

[Brian SD]

Maybe I should do that too. I don't want to end up giving her extra money if I only see her for 15 days over the month or something. It's obvious I'm pretty screwed, but I think she'll get into that system, and this could save me some cash. Anybody else (besides West and me) on pay-per-minute?

On a serious note, I mentioned it earlier and she said she gives her parents money because they spent almost all their savings on her and her brothers' educations.

 

[West24]

really i think it matters. does she actually care about you, love you etc? if she really does then this is just an after thought and should just be considered a cultural difference, or just something that you two may do different than others. i.e. some guys pay for everything but dont actually give a said amount out, while you give a said amount out but dont pay for evertyhing etc. it comes down to if you think she is with you because of this allowance etc. or if she really cares for you.

 

[whacked]

Originally Posted by Brian SD

On a serious note, I mentioned it earlier and she said she gives her parents money because they spent almost all their savings on her and her brothers' educations.

That's pretty much how every financially responsible young adult in East Asia thinks as well.


m@t was being sarcastic. It's just a way of life, one with a greater emphasis on the family/community/support system than the self. It's not inherently better or worse than the Western equivalent, just diffent. Actually, now that I've had my share of experiences in both, I prefer the Eastern way - it makes me work harder.

A few years ago, I vowed to eventually give back tenfolds of what my parents have invested in me, not just financially but in other things as well. Of course I'm not there yet, but one day I will be. One way to do that: make more money.

 

[visionology]

Just stop giving her money, simple as that. If she asks why just say some guy on the internet told me to. I'll take the heat

Once you start to enable someone they stop looking at it as a gift but as a normal part of life. Then when you have to discuss it or stop it turns into a big mess. You gotta nip this one in the bud. It's great that she is giving money to her family but even if she wasn't I'm sure she'd happily take your money every month anyways. And NO, I'd never give my SO an allowance. We buy things for each other but as one time gifts, not as a regular occurrence.

 

[Matt]

Originally Posted by whacked

That's pretty much how every financially responsible young adult in East Asia thinks as well. m@t was being sarcastic. It's just a way of life, one with a greater emphasis on the family/community/support system than the self. It's not inherently better or worse than the Western equivalent, just diffent. Actually, now that I've had my share of experiences in both, I prefer the Eastern way - it makes me work harder.

.
no, I was being blunt, and you're being diplomatic...

A few years ago, I vowed to eventually give back tenfolds of what my parents have invested in me, not just financially but in other things as well. Of course I'm not there yet, but one day I will be. One way to do that: make more money.

..and that is noble and all, but at the same time, you are also well aware that when you come back here, assuming you marry yourself some nice little Hanoian girl, there may well be an expectation that some percentage of your earnings is regularly sent back to her family. And if you marry some girl from the provinces, it would be almost unavoidable....dung khong?

 

[whacked]

My post was moreso a response to the g33k, kwik, and slyced's objection to the family giveback tradition than to Brian's case.

Originally Posted by m@T

..and that is noble and all, but at the same time, you are also well aware that when you come back here, assuming you marry yourself some nice little Hanoian girl, there may well be an expectation that some percentage of your earnings is regularly sent back to her family. And if you marry some girl from the provinces, it would be almost unavoidable....dung khong?

The way I think about it, it's another form of insurance, one that, despite unpredictable premiums and even more unpredictable payouts, might actually prove beneficial for a change. The relationship goes both way. I know that whenever I need it, help can spring from a whole network of relatives. And yeah, everyone ***** up a few times in their life, I am no exception.


You're right, it is This Game of Life We All Played, but the Asian localized edition. A few can't get enough of it, some do just well enough to live by. Others fail, become too burdened with obligations to care for themselves; but I don't find them any different from John Smith who gets up to work at 5 everyday just to payoff credit cards, mortages, and bills.


BTW, usually said obligations only start after marriage. That's why I don't plan to tie myself down until I'm 28 or so AND financially set. To start the outflow while still dating and when it might be an issue, money-wise, is, heh, pretty dumb. Brian is so fucked.

 

[Brian SD]

Ugh, yea, God forbid I remain with a beautiful, intelligent girl who is the most devoted girlfriend I've ever had because I've been willingly shelling out a couple hundred bucks here and there by my own accord. Obviously, I'm fucked!

 

[Piobaire]

Brian, IMHO, I already gave you the best advice in this thread. Follow it man!

 

[VINSON]

Originally Posted by Brian SD

... She buys me gifts here and there, pays for probably half of our dates, and is always willing to give me some money if I sent a bunch home to the states and it's still gonna be awhile before my next check (monthly paychecks ftl). ...
You already have it better than most of us, man. I, and all my friends, were raised to pay for all the dates & expenses.

Originally Posted by Brian SD

Ugh, yea, God forbid I remain with a beautiful, intelligent girl who is the most devoted girlfriend I've ever had because I've been willingly shelling out a couple hundred bucks here and there by my own accord. Obviously, I'm fucked!

Yeah, it (giving SO money to pay for whatever she wants) is what we call an Asian thing (although it probably is not limited to Asians). m@t was obviously joking.

Originally Posted by Coho

Brian, 5% is way too low. Your SO is a keeper.
1+ agreed.

Originally Posted by Dragon

Like someone already mentioned, it is completely normal for one to send back a portion of their earnings every month to the family. This is not only true for poor people, it is just part of the culture. Sure, it might be different from western culture, but so are a lot of other things. If she is disciplined enough to send back money to her family, I would not be surprised if she is saving the allowance towards the relationship in the future (marriage ceremony costs, etc.).
1+

 

[grimslade]

I know nothing about Koreans or your girlfriend, but you should cut this off. There are lots of ways to treat a SO to special things, but cutting her an allowance, when she has her own income, is not right.

Just tell her, "This month, honey, I'm taking to Phuket (or wherever) for a few days instead of cutting a check." Next month, make it a fancy dinner out. The next month, let it slide, and you're done.