1. And... we're back. You'll notice that all of your images are back as well, as are our beloved emoticons, including the infamous :foo: We have also worked with our server folks and developers to fix the issues that were slowing down the site.

    There is still work to be done - the images in existing sigs are not yet linked, for example, and we are working on a way to get the images to load faster - which will improve the performance of the site, especially on the pages with a ton of images, and we will continue to work diligently on that and keep you updated.

    Cheers,

    Fok on behalf of the entire Styleforum team
    Dismiss Notice

Do you forgive people that have wronged you?

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by olualbert, Mar 31, 2010.

  1. leftover_salmon

    leftover_salmon Senior member

    Messages:
    954
    Joined:
    May 26, 2007
    no benifit in holding a grudge

    Self-respect? If someone fucks you over and gets away with it, are you just going to smile and welcome them with open arms the next time you see them? I'd prefer to not be such a doormat.
     
  2. olualbert

    olualbert Senior member

    Messages:
    105
    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2009
    Location:
    Singapore
    Oprah?

    I personally do not agree with most of her shows concerning social issues....I think her shows are more geared towards what I termed, "social engineering" which is the reason why most families dp not listen to one another in the states.
     
  3. Eason

    Eason Senior member

    Messages:
    14,669
    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2007
    Location:
    Bangkok
    I'm a bit too forgiving.
     
  4. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Senior member

    Messages:
    170
    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2010
    It definitely depends. I'm a respect driven person. Not in a traditional "respect authority" or "respect my decisions" type way, not at all. In a way more dealing with honesty and manipulation.

    I'm not easily offended, and fairly forgiving. However, I think that someone repeatedly lying, violating trust, or attempting to manipulate you is dehumanizing behaviour, you've become a tool, no longer a person. Behaviour like this is extremely offensive to me, and cannot be forgiven. The person's relation to you matters greatly as well, an enemy is more easily forgiven than a friend. An enemy is just doing what they are supposed to, and you'd do the same to them. A friend doing such things is failing miserably at their supposed position, they are severing the bond of trust between friends, and unless swiftly remedied, will be severed forever.

    It is very rare I have ever had situations arise where I could not forgive. I have had friends offend me before, and I have stepped in immediately and notified them of the way I felt about their actions very explicitly. It usually never happens again, and that's proof enough for me that they care about and respect our friendship.

    In cases where I cannot forgive, I do not hold a grudge, but avoid them. Luckily, I haven't ran into a situation that makes this impossible.



    Very well put. I have the same philosophy especially the part concerning friends wronging me. I can't forgive in these instances.
     
  5. hendrix

    hendrix Senior member

    Messages:
    9,452
    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2009
    I think is pretty interesting you've said that....forgiving someone does not necessarily mean you condone their act but to empower yourself when discussing the situation and to devoid yourself of any pent-up feelings towards those that have wronged you.

    yes. Another example would be a family forgiving a drunk driver who killed their son. They forgive him in that they don't wish ill upon him, but they certainly don't condone drink driving.

    No point in harbouring resentment. You gotta do the best thing for yourself.
     
  6. acidboy

    acidboy Senior member

    Messages:
    21,170
    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2006
    I gotta be honest: I'm generally a forgiving guy- hell I don't think I have any issues with anybody right now... but I don't think I will ever forgive anyone who might harm my kids, God forbid.
     
  7. JayJay

    JayJay Senior member

    Messages:
    24,364
    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2007
    I forgive, and try to forget.
     
  8. Murdoc

    Murdoc Senior member

    Messages:
    120
    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2009
    I forgive, and try to forget.

    Not trying to be funny, but I tend to forget more then I forgive, so whenever I'm reminded weeks, months, years later, a rant usually follows and then eventually I forget again.

    Also, yeah it depends on the situation, some stuff is unforgiveable, but it's pretty rare in my life style.
     
  9. topcatny

    topcatny Senior member

    Messages:
    1,054
    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2004
    Location:
    NYC and Long Island, NY
    I am a fairly forgiving person. I can vent my anger and frustration and move on with my life and interact with people who have wronged me much like I did before. I hardly ever forget though.
     
  10. EZETHATSME

    EZETHATSME Senior member

    Messages:
    779
    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2009
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
  11. willpower

    willpower Senior member

    Messages:
    4,414
    Joined:
    May 25, 2009
    Location:
    West Coast
    I have to stay angry, otherwise I'll feel the yuckier feelings.
     
  12. trader

    trader Senior member

    Messages:
    582
    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2008
    Location:
    ontario
    I don't believe in an eye for an eye. I believe in two eyes for an eye.
     
  13. wjg23g

    wjg23g Active Member

    Messages:
    33
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2009
    Related Question- I became very close with this girl at school (met family & close friends several times, etc), we then hooked up for a little over a month, then she broke it off (she had a long distance BF, who she told me about but thought she was going to split from, decided not to). we were then friendly for a month & a half. 2 weeks ago, after I brought some drama her way (was never mean to her, just a bit immature), she said to not contact her outside of class and that we could only be casual friends. We sit next to each other in class everyday (seating charts in law school) and we don't talk anymore, just an occasional hello.

    Is she not going to forgive me? Should I just forget about her & ignore her? Seems like a petty thing to throw a good friendship away over.
     
  14. hendrix

    hendrix Senior member

    Messages:
    9,452
    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2009
    who gives a fuck dude, she's in the wrong. You're not missing out on anything.

    Next time don't try do get with a girl with a boyfriend unless you just want a fling. Even if she did break up with him, you wouldn't have been a prospect.
     
  15. West24

    West24 Senior member

    Messages:
    3,960
    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2007
    im very forgiving but i absolutely never forget. i havent been put into a situation where forigiving isnt an option and hopefully wont ever. im sure there's something none of us could forgive.
     
  16. RedLantern

    RedLantern Senior member

    Messages:
    3,277
    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2008
    Location:
    The Brooklyn of Seattle
    Of course - one should always forgive the dead . . .
     
  17. dragon8

    dragon8 Senior member

    Messages:
    4,613
    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2007
    Location:
    San Francisco
    Forgive but not forget.
     
  18. willpower

    willpower Senior member

    Messages:
    4,414
    Joined:
    May 25, 2009
    Location:
    West Coast
    How can one deliberately forget something anyway?
     
  19. Reggs

    Reggs Senior member

    Messages:
    5,529
    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2006
    Location:
    The Internet
    I'm unforgiving.

    My grandmother would hold venom for people who made a passive aggressive comment 40 years ago, even after they were long dead. It must run in the family.
     
  20. CopRock

    CopRock Member

    Messages:
    19
    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2007
    A few years ago, my dear friend Doug Meis and two of his friends, Michael Dahlquist and John Glick, were killed in a car crash. It wasn't an accident- the driver was trying to end her own life, and intentionally crashed her car at 90 mph into a car full of strangers. She was released in 2008 after serving less than three years.

    Doug was one of the finest people I've ever known, and it burns me up that there's a hole in the world where his wit, music, grace, and future should be. I'm crying at work as I type this, thinking about what his kids would have been like. And of course, it's not just him. The musician and producer Steve Albini wrote a wonderful tribute to Michael Dahlquist here: http://www.chicagoreader.com/pdf/050...22_letters.pdf

    I don't forgive her in the slightest. I don't give a shit if she's sorry.

    I mentioned this to my colleague when I heard that she was being released from prison; as you might imagine, I was extremely upset. He told me that forgiving the drunk driver who killed his brother was the hardest thing he's ever done, but he did it.

    He's a serious Christian, and I'm not a person of faith, but I think that the Christian way of forgiveness is the right one. It's better for the world, and better for the injured person. It's certainly not good for me to bear this anger. I just can't get from here to there.
     

Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by