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Do you enjoy being married?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by ChicagoJohn, Jan 14, 2009.

  1. Tardek

    Tardek Senior member

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    hope you being sincere not snarky. because your avatar is so scary.

    No, genuine. I had a different avatar picked, of a hamster chopping up a carrot, but it was too big and this was the only other avatar-sized pic I had on hand.

    I don't think there's anything you can be snarky about against someone who is happily married. They're happy and they get tax breaks, the best of both worlds!
     
  2. Piobaire

    Piobaire Senior member

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    A famous exception is Caesar.

    There's more no doubt, and I'm not sure which Caesar you're referring to. But it seems to hold, that by and large, that moment when lightening strikes for the first time, tends to happen prior to 30. I guess that's why I'm stuck as a HIWS. I bloomed late.

    I am pretty surprised by how many people in this thread equate a stable long-term relationship with the legal and social institution of marriage. You don't need the latter to have the former.

    Agreed. We lived together for years, and might well end up divorcing at some point, depending on how the tax code goes. Being married does give certain legal benefits though, such as not triggering a taxable event at the death of the first party.
     
  3. ChicagoJohn

    ChicagoJohn Senior member

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    this is a quality thread. thankyou, gents
     
  4. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    There's more no doubt, and I'm not sure which Caesar you're referring to. But it seems to hold, that by and large, that moment when lightening strikes for the first time, tends to happen prior to 30. I guess that's why I'm stuck as a HIWS. I bloomed late.



    Agreed. We lived together for years, and might well end up divorcing at some point, depending on how the tax code goes. Being married does give certain legal benefits though, such as not triggering a taxable event at the death of the first party.


    [​IMG]
     
  5. upstarter

    upstarter Senior member

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    this is a quality thread. thankyou, gents

    +1
     
  6. EL72

    EL72 Senior member

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    Pure bliss.

    Salut Fabienne! Long time no see [​IMG]

    I love my wife and kids and can't imagine what I'd do without them (well maybe I can and it ain't pretty).

    So here are some of the benefits of marriage according to research that is highlighted in a book called: The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially

    Better Financial Picture

    The old saying "Two can live as cheaply as one" isn't exactly true. Two do appear to be able to live as cheaply as one and a half persons, though. That means sharing furniture, food, insurance benefits, a car, etc…. And, when one person becomes ill, loses his or her job, or needs emotional support due to stressors, the spouse is there to help. This is cheaper too, as in home nurses, credit card debt, and therapists cost more.

    Married men are more successful in work as well, getting promoted more often and receiving higher performance appraisals. They also miss work or arrive late less often (Kostiuk and Follman, 1989, and Shaw, 1987). As for women, white married women (without children) earn 4% more and black married women earn 10% more than their single peers (Waite, 1995). While some point out that house work for married women (37 hours per week) is greater than that of single women (25 hours), half of that is due to having children (South and Spitze, 1994).

    Longer Life

    Married people live longer as well. Single men have mortality rates that are 250% higher than married men. Single women have mortality rates that are 50% higher than married women (Ross et all, 1990). Having a spouse can decrease your risk for dying from cancer as much as knocking ten years off your life. Single people spend longer in the hospital, and have a greater risk of dying after surgery (Goodwin et al, 1987).

    Married women are 30% more likely to rate their health as excellent or very good compared to single women, and 40% less likely to rate their health as only fair or poor compared to single women. Based on life expectancies, nine of ten married men and women alive at age 48 are alive at 65, while only six of ten single men and eight of ten single women make it to 65. Married men may have better immune systems as well, either from support or from nagging to monitor blood pressure, cholesterol, weight, etc… and may be at less risk to catch colds (Cohen et al, 1997)

    Better Mental Health

    Married men are half as likely to commit suicide as single men, and one third as likely as divorced men. Widowed men under 45 are nine times more likely to commit suicide as married men (Smith, Mercy, and Conn, 1988). Married people report lower levels of depression and distress, and 40% say they are very happy with their lives, compared to about 25% in single people. Married people were half as likely to say they were unhappy with their lives.

    Single men drink twice as much as married men, and one out of four say their drinking causes problems. Only one of seven married men says the same. One out of six single men abstains from alcohol, but one in four married men do (Miller-Tutzauer et al, 1991).

    Better Sex

    About 40% of married people have sex twice a week, compared to 20-25% of single and cohabitating men and women. Over 40% of married women said their sex life was emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to about 30% of single women. For men, it's 50% of married men are physically and emotionally contents versus 38% of cohabitating men.
     
  7. Fuuma

    Fuuma Senior member

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    This says something deep about you.

    My uncle never got married because "marriage is a bourgeois" institution, if you knew him or his lifestyle you'd choke on your food if he announced that at the dinner table, ready to argue with anyone who thinks he's being an idiot, including his "girlfriend" of something like 25 yrs.
     
  8. slycedbred

    slycedbred Senior member

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    I can actually feel the reality assessment kicking in as we speak.

    Nah that's you unrealistically thinking you can assess reality.
     
  9. SkinnyGoomba

    SkinnyGoomba Senior member

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    I'm a bit to young to be considering marriage (24) but i worked with a few older guys who were not married, and never were. One in particular was extremely depressed, drank enourmous amount of alcohol every night by himself after breaking up with a girl he dated for 6 months (she left).

    Another is no doubt one of the most selfish people i've ever met, in his early 40's never married, but has been with one girl for about 15 years.

    At the same job i was good friends (still am, but havent talked to him in a while) with a guy who was in his early 30's and married about 8 years, who no doubt was having more sex then most everyone who was 'successfully single' was claiming.

    For me to get married i would want to date the person for a few years, maybe live together for a few years, and get to the point where you feel like you're seeing that true person.

    The single people in my experience, we all pretty unhappy.
     
  10. lawyerdad

    lawyerdad Senior member

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    Took me 38 years to find the right woman, but I did and will be married next month - wish me luck! [​IMG]
    Congrats and good luck. [​IMG]
    I definitely enjoy being married, as it affords one the piece of mind to know that, if the cops are looking for patsy to hang a trumped-up charge on, you have a built-in alibi.

    Assuming you remembered to take the garbage out that week.


    This thread evokes fond memories of vanity worrying about whether he'd still get oral sex if he got married.
     
  11. lawyerdad

    lawyerdad Senior member

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    Salut Fabienne! Long time no see [​IMG]
    [/I]

    +1
     
  12. Smartalox

    Smartalox Senior member

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    Speaking as someone getting married in the next few months, this is a great and terrifying thread.

    For those of you with happy marriages, can you offer any tips or advice?
     
  13. bluemagic

    bluemagic Senior member

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    I guess that's why I'm stuck as a HIWS. I bloomed late.

    What is a HIWS? Neither context nor Google could help me figure this out.
     
  14. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    What is a HIWS? Neither context nor Google could help me figure this out.

    high income working stiff
     
  15. acidboy

    acidboy Senior member

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    Like Brian/Shoe/Sho'nuff I am also happily married to my wife. We've been married 8 years, and sure we went through a lot of shit, and God knows how many times we both decided to call it quits. But in my experience, after sailing through all those rough times- and slowly closing all the issues that keeps coming back every time we fought, plus finally realizing or accepting your partner for who she/he is and not who you want her/him to be then everything is a lot smoother now. Sure, we still face a lot of shit up to now but we are at a stage where I guess we've matured together and finally found ourselves to be totally comfortable with each other- faults and all. It also helps that we share the same goals in life.
     
  16. dtmt

    dtmt Senior member

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    The single people in my experience, we all pretty unhappy.
    [​IMG]
     
  17. Etienne

    Etienne Senior member

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    Perhaps not, but it calls into question your willingness to weather the difficult times in the former if you are unwilling to make the public commitment of the latter.
    I don't see why. You can be very public about your relationship and very committed without using that extraordinary social and legal contract. I've never been married but I have had two very committed relationships, I even wore a ring.

    Pure bliss.
    Long time no see, Fabienne, hello there!

    There's more no doubt, and I'm not sure which Caesar you're referring to.
    Which Caesar? What are you talking about?

    If I recall correctly, it's Suetonius who relates the very famous anecdote. Caesar was a rich spoiled brat, with a starting political carreer as anybody in his social circles would have, but nothing extraordinary. While traveling he encountered a statue of Alexander the Great and thought to himself "At my age (33) that man had already conquered the world, what have I done?". It was his epiphany.

    Possibly, I have no clue, but the chance to quote the famous anecdote was too good to pass.
     
  18. dah328

    dah328 Senior member

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    I don't see why. You can be very public about your relationship and very committed without using that extraordinary social and legal contract. I've never been married but I have had two very committed relationships, I even wore a ring.
    How committed were they if you're using the past tense to describe them?
     
  19. Dewey

    Dewey Senior member

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    Some people expect too much from a marriage. If you are happy in the routine of married life, wish good things for your spouse, can cheerfully make sacrifices, large and small, for her, and have a genuine respect for what she does in the world -- then I think you are having a good marriage. It's not hard to enjoy being married. It can be hard to make some of those sacrifices, but it's not hard to enjoy having made them.

    Marriage can be more than this. And marriages go through phases where different things are added to this. But this is a fairer standard than what is suggested by some of the crazy & frustrating expectations, more commonly expressed as the goal or test of a marriage.
     
  20. rdawson808

    rdawson808 Senior member

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    And a sure sign of a good marriage is this exchange:

    Me: I'm really annoyed about the car and the $1300 we're going to have to spend on it. I know this is stupid, but I was hoping to save some money and in Nov. when WW Chan comes, have a suit made. It looks like it would cost about that much. These repairs aside it's probably too much for a suit, but still I was thinking about it.

    Her: Why can't you still do that? Nothing says we can't do both.


    Really the lesson is that she's making a huge sacrifice even to say that because she's very frugal. And I'm going to make a smaller sacrifice by probably not ever getting a $1300 suit because I'd rather she not fret over the money (or that she spend some of that on herself). It's silly but it's reality. Compromise and sacrifice. It does a marriage good.

    b
     

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