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Do Women Really Love Stylish men?

Discussion in 'Classic Menswear' started by scnupe7, Dec 14, 2004.

  1. kabert

    kabert Senior member

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    Me thinks "stylish" is something of a bad word when speaking of men. I'd bet that if you took 2 pictures of the same guy and told women one was considered by friends to be "stylish" and the other picture (shown to other women) labeled the guy as "well-dressed" that the women would overwhelmingly find the "well-dressed" guy to be the more attractive, appealing one.

    "Stylish" to me conveys a message of trendiness or excessive (insecure) concern for dress, whereas "well-dressed" conveys something much simpler -- someone who has good quality clothes and knows how to dress appropriately for any occasion, be that a wedding, a weekend barbeque or a business cocktail party.

    In sum, I'd be happy to be labeled well-dressed but would have some reservations about being labeled stylish. I would guess that many women think along similar lines, or would like to, about their men.
     
  2. globetrotter

    globetrotter Senior member

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    the other point that nobody touched here - if you are stylish, and you enjoy being so, what do you care if women love you for it or not? or, are you being stylish cause you think it will get you some?

    with any luck, you will find the right person who loves you for the package you offer - if I did it, you can too.
     
  3. gorgekko

    gorgekko Senior member

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    Funny this thread popped up today as I've been thinking about this very topic myself.

    My sister -- who is no slouch in the clothes department herself -- once told me that my habit of being well-dressed was probably intimidating to women. Even in our "high-end" bars up here in northern Ontario the crowd is dressed up in the standard American Jackass look of jeans and an untucked shirt or jeans, shirt, backwards baseball cap. I'm one of two or three wearing a sport jacket or suit.

    Now I could frankly care less what people think of how I dress -- I do it for myself, not others -- but I could see how she's right. Rather disappointing.
     
  4. spatten

    spatten Senior member

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    Attraction between man and woman is a very interesting and complicated concept.  In the end, I don't think clothes will ever impress a woman - at least I have never seen it happen.  If we are going to be well dressed men we must do it for ourselves. As much as I may regret it, all the Kiton/Brioni/Zegna clothes in the world are never going to get one laid.

    I do think that poor dress can be a deal breaker for some women - just as something like facial hair on a woman can(should?) be a deal breaker for us men.  Yikes.
     
  5. LA Guy

    LA Guy Opposite Santa Staff Member Admin Moderator

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    Your sister was being nice.  I would say that her comment was that you tend to be overdressed for the occasion, and maybe tend to be a little uptight.  I'm not saying that you ought to conform to the uniform, but you could wear something classy, but a little more toned down and relaxed than your avatar (well dressed for sure; but his expression suggests that he needs some Metamucil, pronto).  Try corduroy or moleskin jackets instead of wool, and classic jeans with a cashmere longsleeve knit.  And wear good quality, but old and well used shoes instead of immaculate Lattanzi's.  It will make you more look more laidback; and you'll be surprised that you'll even feel a little more relaxed.
     
  6. globetrotter

    globetrotter Senior member

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    I posted this in a similar thread 2 months ago or so - when I was doing a lot of blind dating at the time that I met my present wife, I made a concious effort to "soften" up my image. I was very proffetional and tough, and altough my friends know that I have a sense of humor and can be pretty nice, women I was dating were getting a very cold vibe. so I made an effort to present myself in a softer light. and it worked well.

    I strongly suggest dressing to present your self as you wish to be seen by the date. not in an effort to lie or misrepresent, but if you know that it is hard to see your (insert adjective here) side in the first 5 minutes, but it is important to you to present it, try to show it by how you dress when you are on a date or out trolling for women.
     
  7. HitMan009

    HitMan009 Senior member

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    I can't possibly quote everyone that posted here because each one has points that make a lot of sense so I will not quote simply because of the sheer volume. From my perspective, a stylish guy is not something girls look for in a guy. In fact, the more of a slouch, the better it is sometimes. The reason being is that it makes her feel important to improve your look. It's makes her feel "needed" in a sense. Let's face it, there are not many women out there that are truly stylish. I have looked at a few women's mags over the years and I have to say, if after reading all of those articles on matching, what works with what, what works with which body types, color coordination, etc., she would have to be a complete retard not to learn the basics of dress. However, it seems that this over abundance of information have made woman basically a sheep to fashion. If you take away these magazines from them for just a few months, I wonder to myself how bad they would actually look. Also, let's face it... A woman doesn't have to do much to get the attention(ie.. the less clothes, the more attractive [​IMG] ). It all about provocation if I think about it. A tight top, hip hugging pants, short skirts, you name it... these things all get men staring until we run into a pole or fall down a manhole. This has brought me to this conclusion. It's great someone created this thread. Clothes for a majority of women and some men are in a sense a barrier. It's almost like it puts them at ease because they dress a bit better then the next person. For women, the easiest thing and also the most accepted for them is to dress up. So, the point is that clothes for them hides their insecurities, lack of power, etc. in other parts of their lives. I am not saying this applies to all but for a good number, the more stylish, trendy, outlandish, provactive... The more they are insecure about themselves. So when a guy is stylish, it's almost like they have nothing else that can make them feel "superior". What us men have to watch for is keeping in check what is appropriate. For most women, a well-dressed man is I think a positive thing. When you get to the point of being stylish, it becomes a bit more sketchy. Strictly speaking about the U.S. as Europeans and Asians(to a lesser or greater extent depending on various cultures), men aren't supposed to think about clothes. This whole trend right now in the U.S focusing on men's clothes I hope doesn't last long cause the clothes they created are too out there to ever be part of a true man's wardrobe. I believe all those threads about what to wear to interviews, office attire are a godsend because it displays a sense of restraint that is definitely a needed mindset for anyone learning the finer points of dress. The most important thing to realize is to make the people you are in contact with comfortable with themselves. Dressing well and appropriately is part of that. To end it, any woman that appreciates a well-dressed stylish man is the woman you should consider being with. Notice the use of well-dressed before stylish. There, I have finished my manifesto -HitMan009
     
  8. gorgekko

    gorgekko Senior member

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    I think you'd be surprised to find out that I'm hardly overdressed considering the milieu. As I said, I go to high-end bars, not sports bars. I'm not walking in wearing Kiton, Alexander Kabbaz and Lattanzi complete with seven fold tie and beautiful pocket square -- I'm walking in wearing a casual sport jacket, pants and shoes or a suit and shirt with no tie. If that's overdressed then fine, I'll live with it. I'm not wearing jeans.

    As for "little uptight"? Ha ha, no. No one who knows me would ever say that. Being laidback is my life.
     
  9. LA Guy

    LA Guy Opposite Santa Staff Member Admin Moderator

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    I have no basis from which to judge other than your posts, so I could be completely off the mark. On the other hand, I know hardly anyone (in my real, day-to-day life) who disdains to wear jeans ever.
     
  10. Dutch Master

    Dutch Master Active Member

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    It is truly a sad state of affairs. At the risk of receiving my share of strong responses.......why is there even the slightest notion, that a woman wouldn't be attracted to a well-dressed, stylish or fashion-savvy man. Whatever you call it is your own individual choice. Stylish being perceived as feminine is such an outdated perception, it is the man that understands the woman's emotions and sensitivities that will be attractive to a woman. How do you understand these things......by being aware....tuned in to her needs.....and secure about yourself. A woman not being attracted to a well-dressed man and preferring a so called slob to give her a sense of security is an absolute joke. Is that why the "average" guy dresses so poorly, so he can attract a needy female, that will succumb to all is whishes and has no spine? Maybe my upbringing was old world, but it is my personal pride to look my very best at every occasion, because I respect my personal environment and if that makes me the best dressed, so be it. It attracts the confident worldly woman, who appreciates when a man takes care of himself, because she does so herself. I am fortunate enough to travel to New York, London, Amsterdam, Milan and my favorite city in the world Florence frequently and can tell you from first hand experience.......there is nothing more romantic than being in a well-dressed environment and striking up a conversation with a gorgeous woman and be informed about culture, art, fashion, food, wine, traveldestinations and mutual interests of any kind. As far as my dating experience African-American woman are so much more in tune with fashion trends and happenings, because most current trends start in the urban areas of the large city's. And let me tell you this as a Caucasian man.......Black woman LOVE a man that dresses to the nines..... So I guess it is no surprise I am currently dating a tall beautiful African-American woman from New Jersey, who is a make-up artist and a former model. There is still in these times a stigma about inter racial couples but for me it is about what I like as an individual.......damn the world.....if they can't handle the heat, don't be in the kitchen.
    Dress the part.....be an individual.......show them your stuff.....and you'll attract exactly that woman that is meant for you......................
     
  11. Brian SD

    Brian SD Senior member

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    (LA Guy @ 14 Dec. 2004, 4:46) Your sister was being nice. I would say that her comment was that you tend to be overdressed for the occasion, and maybe tend to be a little uptight. I'm not saying that you ought to conform to the uniform, but you could wear something classy, but a little more toned down and relaxed than your avatar (well dressed for sure; but his expression suggests that he needs some Metamucil, pronto). Try corduroy or moleskin jackets instead of wool, and classic jeans with a cashmere longsleeve knit. And wear good quality, but old and well used shoes instead of immaculate Lattanzi's. It will make you more look more laidback; and you'll be surprised that you'll even feel a little more relaxed.
    I think you'd be surprised to find out that I'm hardly overdressed considering the milieu. As I said, I go to high-end bars, not sports bars. I'm not walking in wearing Kiton, Alexander Kabbaz and Lattanzi complete with seven fold tie and beautiful pocket square -- I'm walking in wearing a casual sport jacket, pants and shoes or a suit and shirt with no tie. If that's overdressed then fine, I'll live with it. I'm not wearing jeans. As for "little uptight"? Ha ha, no. No one who knows me would ever say that. Being laidback is my life.
    I'm a bit surprised at what I'm reading on this thread. Truly, personality and humor matter exponentially more than clothing, but I've never encountered a woman who thinks a good dresser is intimidating (that takes some hella insecurity). Of course, overdressing will make you appear uptight, but if Gorgekko is in a bar wearing a sport coat and trousers, girls aren't just going to run away in fear. Maybe the pants could drop an inch or two so that they aren't getting sweatstains from one's pits, but that should be enough. Secondly, Why would you dress poorly to make girls think that they have power over you in some area? From what I've learned, allowing the girl to think she has "power over you" in ANY area is a bad idea. Women don't respect submissive personalities (in clothing or not). Even if every single girl in the world is intimidated by sharp dressing (or being "stylish," which I see nothing wrong with), all you have to do is say "Hey" and show that you're relaxed, because in my experience, words speak louder than lapels.
     
  12. Manton

    Manton Senior member Dubiously Honored

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    Where is Alexis when we need her most?
     
  13. The_Foxx

    The_Foxx Senior member

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    I'll throw my 2 cents into this one; I've noticed that women are born with two basic inherited traits:

    1. An appreciation for the Little Blue Box with White Bow/ anything that arrives in said Box that comes from a certain store based in NYC, multiple US locations.
    2. Women that live in cities instinctively know the Burberry plaid.

    I've also noticed women have an eye for details, and are very judgemental-- sometimes very critical of a man's shoes and wristwatch (especially if it is a fake). At close range, I've noticed most women appreciate stitching, nicely rolled lapels, and lux cloth (they will sometimes touch the latter two).

    Given that, I would say most of the guys on the forum, like myself, have noticed a woman checking us out when we break out our best suit/ shirt/ tie combos-- especially if you suspect it is probably of better quality than the other men in the room.

    --This post sponsored in part by the stitches and buttonholes
    of Brioni
     
  14. JLibourel

    JLibourel Senior member

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    I note in reply to my earlier post on page 2 of this thread, "Globetrotter" said that my comments sounded like my comments were not those of someone who "really likes women." Well, of course not. "Liking women" is an insipid feeling suitable for gay hairdressers. I believe the normal lusty heterosexual male loves and hates women with almost equal passion. Except perhaps for those innocent souls who marry their childhood sweethearts, any guy who has been in Singleland for very long has got to feel a tremendous amount of rage toward women...just as they doubtless do toward us.

    As I once remarked to my best friend, "The worst thing about being heterosexual is women."
     
  15. TheRookie

    TheRookie Senior member

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    The typical woman at a bar is evaluating your physical appearance first and foremost (your appearance, not that of your clothes). If you clear this hurdle, she might talk to you and your personality becomes important.

    A woman deadset on only leaving the bar with Brad Pitt isn't going to talk to Steve Buscemi, even if the former is clad in burlap and the later in bespoke Kiton.

    I'm all for maximizing one's appearance and I think the effort put in appeals to women (as does the end product), but I doubt that one's clothes can do much more than augment looks and personality in most cases.
     
  16. drizzt3117

    drizzt3117 Senior member

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    I think it just depends, some women are looking for money in which case the attire (and accessories) are quite important.
     
  17. gorgekko

    gorgekko Senior member

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    I meant when going out weekend nights. I am comfortable wearing jeans every day...in fact, I'm wearing a pair right now. In fact, Brian will be pleased to learn they're nowhere near my armpits. I think people are taking my comments wildly out of context here. For the record, I'm like every other cat in a bar...I talk to the ladies, they talk to me, we all have a great deal of fun. I just do it wearing what I wear. It was my sister who said women might be intimidated by what I wear. I've never said that.
     
  18. jekv12

    jekv12 Senior member

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    Rather interesting. The thread started with a question about women loving or liking stylish men and many of the responses talk about bars and getting laid. A bit of difference there, I think... a few responses did mention personality, humor, confidence, et al which I think is more in line with a longer term relationship (like or love). Or maybe I am getting old. As far as who dresses better/who should be intimitated, the man or the woman: "The role of the male is to serve as the unobtrusive background for the eye-arresting splendour of his companion. All it takes are a few simple outfits. And there's one secret - the simpler the better." Cary Grant, 1952, as quoted in Walker's Savile Row An Illustrated History.
     
  19. Brian SD

    Brian SD Senior member

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    And those women are not even worth saying hello to. Funny the irony in that: they want money + they are worthless.

    To the last poster, I do not think this thread has derailed whatsoever, and I would argue that while Cary Grant is undoubtedly a style icon, his clothing (that for which he is known) obviously contradicts his own statement.
     
  20. MyFaceWillBeOnMillionDollarBills

    MyFaceWillBeOnMillionDollarBills New Member

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    Women are attracted to manliness, by that I don't mean style, style is great, but there are A LOT of other things they're attracted to that I will not even mention since this isn't a dating site. [​IMG]
    *cough* Gold diggers *cough*
     

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