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Dating Disasters - Appearance

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by mensimageconsultant, Jul 28, 2006.

  1. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    You guys are being way too hard on nantucket. Most guys would be with more attractive women if they could pull it off. He shouldn't have to beat around the bush about it. The fact is, most men are shallow. Unfortunately, women can be just as picky as men so not every guy gets to date the really hot women (all else being equal) he'd prefer to date. If nantucket thinks he can, then more power too him. He shouldn't have to stick with a woman he finds unattractive because other people think it's the right thing to do. Attraction plays a big role in relationships.

    I'm not trying to be judgmental of anyone in this thread, but i've seen it with a lot of married men, including my father. Despite all pretenses of being happy, you can tell that they settled for someone less than ideal in the looks department, often during times when they were lonely.

    I'm not saying people should be cruel, but there's nothing wrong with cutting someone loose if you want to do better or if they let themselves slide.
     
  2. Quirk

    Quirk Senior member

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    You guys are being way too hard on nantucket. Most guys would be with more attractive women if they could pull it off. He shouldn't have to beat around the bush about it. The fact is, most men are shallow. Unfortunately, women can be just as picky as men so not every guy gets to date the really hot women (all else being equal) he'd prefer to date. If nantucket thinks he can, then more power too him. He shouldn't have to stick with a woman he finds unattractive because other people think it's the right thing to do. Attraction plays a big role in relationships.

    I'm not trying to be judgmental of anyone in this thread, but i've seen it with a lot of married men, including my father. Despite all pretenses of being happy, you can tell that they settled for someone less than ideal in the looks department, often during times when they were lonely.

    I'm not saying people should be cruel, but there's nothing wrong with cutting someone loose if you want to do better or if they let themselves slide.


    So your dad should cut his wife loose because, clearly, she isn't hot enough to satisfy him? I sure hope that's a stepmom you're talking about at least.
     
  3. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    So your dad should cut his wife loose because, clearly, she isn't hot enough to satisfy him? I sure hope that's a stepmom you're talking about at least.

    My father is separated from my mother. The woman was he was living with for the last 5 years (she's finally gone woohoo!) was really not pretty. I have no doubt in my mind that if he had been in a different state of mind when he met her, he would have waited for something better. His story was somewhat like nantucket's. He'd had a very successful career up until he was about 50. He bought a hotel with my mother with the intention of running it together. She basically forced him out cause she wanted to do everything herself and she wanted him to get another job so that we'd (she'd) have more money. They were always fighting so he left. He was a finance guy, she was a spendthrift. Bad combo.

    Now the woman he cheated on my mother with, however, was a very good looking woman, so I know the old man's got it in him!
     
  4. EL72

    EL72 Senior member

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    He shouldn't have to stick with a woman he finds unattractive because other people think it's the right thing to do. Attraction plays a big role in relationships.

    That is absolutely correct - no question. The only salient question is what makes a woman attractive to a man, and I believe it's not only looks. I think what makes a person attractive is a whole package - including looks. At the end of the day, if the package doesn't do it for you, there is no point in sticking around.

    Most guys would be with more attractive women if they could pull it off.

    Ceteris Paribus, of course. But in reality there are always tradeoffs to make in searching for a life and mating partner. Sometimes you trade off some good looks or perfect 36Cs for some other aspect of the person you value. Don't forget that no man is a perfect 10 either.

    The fact is, most men are shallow.

    I don't think so. We are biologically wired to stop thinking straight at the sight of a 19 yr old hottie but that doesn't mean we have to be shallow in our long-term relationships. Whether we should in fact be engaged in long-term relationships at all is an entirely different debate.
     
  5. Patrick Bateman

    Patrick Bateman Senior member

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    Nantucket Red, there are way too many babes in Nihon for you to be suffering like this. There's plenty of English teachers who get premium tail, and you have higher status than those guys - in short, you should have some great opportunities. Hopefully you can end this relationship with compassion, politeness and understanding and get someone who's more on your level. Seriously, I will raise a glass of precious Suntory Hibiki (down to my last bottle, I seriously need to get back to a duty free shop) to you when you accomplish this. Let us know how everything turns out.

    PB
     
  6. Quirk

    Quirk Senior member

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    Whether we should in fact be engaged in long-term relationships at all is an entirely different debate.

    I'm just barely romantic enough to see the benefit in mating for life, and to personally aspire to that (spiritually, if not legally), but by no means do I see it as the 'correct', 'natural' or even 'preferable' relationship structure. Well, unless kids are involved, I guess.
     
  7. wilson brother

    wilson brother Senior member

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    Hey guys-

    I have to ask.. did you ever experience love?


    -Danny Wilson
     
  8. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    I don't think so. We are biologically wired to stop thinking straight at the sight of a 19 yr old hottie but that doesn't mean we have to be shallow in our long-term relationships. Whether we should in fact be engaged in long-term relationships at all is an entirely different debate.

    I don't know... I think if you put a really hot woman beside most men they'd jump out of their current relationship pretty fast if the hottie was equal in every other way to their current woman and was guaranteed to stay with him for a while. I'm also assuming the men aren't married, which obviously changes the equation (kids, assets, etc.).
     
  9. EL72

    EL72 Senior member

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    ...if you put a really hot woman beside most men they'd jump out of their current relationship pretty fast if the hottie was equal in every other way to their current woman and was guaranteed to stay with him for a while...

    Sure, and if I had sold my worldcom stock...

    Your reasoning makes unrealistic assumptions and is therefore flawed. Most men would not leave their wives for any hottie that comes along because they are not so shallow and recognize the other attributes they value in a woman. Those that do during so-called mid-life crises usually end up regretting it.
     
  10. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    Hey guys-

    I have to ask.. did you ever experience love?


    -Danny Wilson


    Yes, but it ended badly for a whole number of reasons, not all of which were mine. I enjoyed my time with her but it ran its course. Among other things, we just ran out of things to say to each other. Frankly, that relationship never had a future because she didn't have the intellect or the looks to keep me interested in the long-run. It's a mistake I'm very keen on avoiding in the future.
     
  11. EL72

    EL72 Senior member

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    In the interest of lightening up this thread, here are some good (wife) jokes I recently read:

    A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

    The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

    The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

    “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

    “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

    -------------------------------------------

    Follow-up:

    A new wives store has opened up across the street:

    The first floor has wives that love sex.
    The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
    The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
     
  12. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    Sure, and if I had sold my worldcom stock...

    Your reasoning makes unrealistic assumptions and is therefore flawed. Most men would not leave their wives for any hottie that comes along because they are not so shallow and recognize the other attributes they value in a woman. Those that do during so-called mid-life crises usually end up regretting it.


    I don't know... My father stayed with my mother for years after she stopped making him happy. He stayed because of his kids and the complications of a divorce.
     
  13. EL72

    EL72 Senior member

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    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

    45 lbs

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

    45 minutes

    [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  14. Renault78law

    Renault78law Senior member

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    Nantucket,
    I agree that she probably deserves honesty, but to tell her, even gently, that you're breaking up with her because of her looks is cruel. This comes from someone who thinks you're doing the right thing by breaking up. I pass no judgment on your situation, and appreciate your honesty.
     
  15. mensimageconsultant

    mensimageconsultant Senior member

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    Sure, and if I had sold my worldcom stock...

    Your reasoning makes unrealistic assumptions and is therefore flawed. Most men would not leave their wives for any hottie that comes along because they are not so shallow and recognize the other attributes they value in a woman. Those that do during so-called mid-life crises usually end up regretting it.


    Most middle-aged people realize that they are unlikely to find anything better in a long-term relationship. From the research, it's clear enough that often the physical attraction, and sometimes with it feelings of love, declines over time.
     
  16. Nantucket Red

    Nantucket Red Senior member

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    Yes, but it ended badly for a whole number of reasons, not all of which were mine. I enjoyed my time with her but it ran its course. Among other things, we just ran out of things to say to each other. Frankly, that relationship never had a future because she didn't have the intellect or the looks to keep me interested in the long-run. It's a mistake I'm very keen on avoiding in the future.

    My situation is similar. We seem to have less to say to each other lately and sometimes I notice that we tune each other out at times. She doesn't have anywhere near my level of education, though she has a quick mind, and close to no intellectual curiosity. Often she tells me about something she saw on TV; I've never owned a TV in my life.

    After thinking about it -- brooding about it in a rather joyless state -- for a while, I realized that we will probably just drift further apart, especially now that I've moved further away and we'll be spending less time together than the standard one day a week (yet another issue). We will probably agree just to be friends at some point. This would be far easier on both of us than an outright breakup and far kinder to her. She would make a great mistress, but is inadequate as a main squeeze. Letting the relationship follow its natural course will probably take care of things without a painful breakup. I just can't reconcile myself to repaying her kindness with heartbreak, but it is also simply time to move on.

    Nantucket,
    I agree that she probably deserves honesty, but to tell her, even gently, that you're breaking up with her because of her looks is cruel. This comes from someone who thinks you're doing the right thing by breaking up. I pass no judgment on your situation, and appreciate your honesty.


    Thanks. I agree and after reconsidering, think that a sudden breakup is the wrong approach for the situation. I also think I can address the issue of looks and style without being blunt or unkind.
     
  17. EL72

    EL72 Senior member

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    - I think that my wife died.

    - Why's that?

    - Sex is the same, but dishes are starting to stack up in the sink.

    [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  18. EL72

    EL72 Senior member

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    A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife's birthday. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in under 10 seconds."

    The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
     
  19. EL72

    EL72 Senior member

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    One day at Lambeau Field (home of the Green Bay Packers), a journalist is stunned to find an empty seat at the 50 yard line, right on the aisle and just inches behind the Packer bench. Lambeau has sold out every Sunday for decades, and the guy couldn't believe that this of all seats was empty.

    There was an older fellow sitting next to the seat and the reporter asked him if he knew what had detained the occupant.

    "Well," he said, "this was my wife's seat. We came to games every week-- but she's dead now."

    The journalist, probing a bit, said "but don't you have any friends that you could ask? There isn't a soul in Green Bay who wouldn't love to sit here today."

    The old fellow said "Oh, yes, we had plenty of mutual friends. But they're all at the funeral today."
     
  20. EL72

    EL72 Senior member

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    Two businessmen are having lunch. One of them says, "oh, I had the worst Freudian slip on the flight back from New York. The flight attendant had these fantastic tits and when she asked me where I was from, I was so distracted that I said titsburg."

    The other business man says, "wow, that's pretty bad. I had a doozy the other day too. We were having dinner and I meant to ask my wife to pass the beans. Instead I said 'you stupid f**ing bitch, you've ruined my life!"
     

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