• STYLE. COMMUNITY. GREAT CLOTHING.

    Bored of counting likes on social networks? At Styleforum, you’ll find rousing discussions that go beyond strings of emojis.

    Click Here to join Styleforum's thousands of style enthusiasts today!

Cultue of the South

nightowl6261a

Distinguished Member
Joined
Sep 15, 2004
Messages
1,457
Reaction score
0
Southerner's Rules

In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of
the Southerner's mind, the following list will be
handed to each person as they enter a Southern State.
(These actually should be the rules in all states.)

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more
work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym
...

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you
drive, you're going to get dust on your Lincoln
Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you
like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks
-- it'll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
seven years old. Yeah, we saw that Bambi movie, too.
We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't
cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle .
We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish
for. its called bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards
are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You
might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the
time.

8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the
Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and
turkey.

9. Tea -- yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over
ice and it's sweet. You want it hot? Set it in the
sun. You want it unsweetened? Add a lot of water.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown,
wet, and served over ice.

11. You have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real
impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar
combine that we only use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in
town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when
it's yellow.

13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray
before we eat--yeah, even breakfast. We go to church
on Wednesdays and Sundays, and we go to high school
football games on Friday nights. We still address our
seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we
sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see
friends and neighbors.

14. We don't do "hurry up" well.

15. Greens -- yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt
on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a
smoked hog jowl.

16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and carp. You
really want sushi and caviar? It's available down at
the bait shop.

17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get
over it. Don't like it? Interstate 75 goes two ways.
Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.

18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe
even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and
sugar on them, then you want cream of wheat -- go to
Kansas. That would be I-40 West.

19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer
season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get
pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at
the church on either day.

20. So every person in every pickup truck waves? Yeah,
it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water
hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators
--and, if you hit it in the rough, we have these
things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball
players.

22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you
over for driving like an idiot --his name is "Sir," no
matter how young he is.

23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It
drips from them. You park your Navigator under them,
and they'll leave a souvenir on your hood.

24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get
beat up. No questions.
The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all
four of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There
is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.

American by Birth...
Southern by the Grace of God.
 

topcatny

Distinguished Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2004
Messages
1,054
Reaction score
26
I always thought I should have been born in the south.
 

Valmont

Senior Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2002
Messages
130
Reaction score
0
Southerner's Rules

In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of
the Southerner's mind, the following list will be
handed to each person as they enter a Southern State.
A disclaimer should be at the end of that list, it should state:

Visitors enter at their own risk, as you are now leaving the 21st century. We cannot take any responsibility for what will happen to you should you upset any inbred natives by actually expressing intellectual thoughts instead of being a religious drone.
 

hopkins_student

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jul 8, 2004
Messages
3,238
Reaction score
198
(nightowl6261a @ April 02 2005,08:00) Southerner's Rules In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the Southerner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter a Southern State.
A disclaimer should be at the end of that list, it should state: Visitors enter at their own risk, as you are now leaving the 21st century. We cannot take any responsibility for what will happen to you should you upset any inbred natives by actually expressing intellectual thoughts instead of being a religious drone.
Obviously not a southern Gentleman. Anyone else here a Kentucky Colonel?
 

PeterMetro

Senior Member
Joined
Jul 9, 2002
Messages
796
Reaction score
2
Obviously not a southern Gentleman.
Maybe not, but is any of that list gentlemanly? I know many sountherners who would define a Gentleman in much different terms.
 

nightowl6261a

Distinguished Member
Joined
Sep 15, 2004
Messages
1,457
Reaction score
0
Does noone find the humor in the backward thinking ideas of what is truly a ridiculous thought....I guess not.
 

policy

Active Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2005
Messages
41
Reaction score
0
Yeah I didn't find it too amusing, I wish Sherman had burned more down.
 

nightowl6261a

Distinguished Member
Joined
Sep 15, 2004
Messages
1,457
Reaction score
0
Yeah I didn't find it too amusing, I wish Sherman had burned more down.
great thinking.......where did you learn your values.....your parents should be so proud of you
 

RIDER

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2004
Messages
1,357
Reaction score
140
Yeah I didn't find it too amusing, I wish Sherman had burned more down.
I think that might qualify as the dumbest thing I've ever read on this forum...


Come down and visit me in Richmond - I will take you to the Museum of the Confederacy where you can view some photographs of a city that has been burnt to the ground. I'm sure you will be most pleased to see the large mounds of the innocent victims that were incinerated during the burning of the city. While there, maybe you can verbalize your feelings...
 

jpeirpont

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2004
Messages
3,991
Reaction score
72
Yeah I didn't find it too amusing, I wish Sherman had burned more down.
That was a little over the top. I believe a number of the people deserved to be, and they probably weren't, and some of the land deserved to be destroyed or at least redistributed. But a blanket statement like that about the South is unfortunate to say the least.
 

Brian SD

Moderator
Joined
Feb 5, 2004
Messages
9,760
Reaction score
124
what's a cowboy's mating call?

"come on get in the truck, I only need 8 seconds..."
 

nightowl6261a

Distinguished Member
Joined
Sep 15, 2004
Messages
1,457
Reaction score
0
what's a cowboy's mating call?

"come on get in the truck, I only need 8 seconds..."
Now that is funny, sure do hope none of them Texans take afence to that kinda outporin of luv.....
 

Horace

Distinguished Member
Joined
Sep 28, 2004
Messages
1,447
Reaction score
0
Speaking of Sherman, has anyone read through his entire memoirs? I've dipped into them, but haven't looked to closely.
 

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by

Featured Sponsor

How did Covid-19 impact your personal style?

  • My style hasn't changed at all.

  • My wardrobe hasn't changed but I am wearing casual clothes more often.

  • I invested in new good quality leisure and casual clothes.

  • I invested in new sartorial clothes taking advantage of the sales.

  • I purged my closet during quarantine and I have nothing left to wear.


Results are only viewable after voting.

Related Threads

Forum statistics

Threads
444,531
Messages
9,608,290
Members
200,886
Latest member
Suce1928
Top