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Cultue of the South

Discussion in 'Entertainment, Culture, and Sports' started by nightowl6261a, Apr 2, 2005.

  1. nightowl6261a

    nightowl6261a Senior member

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    Southerner's Rules

    In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of
    the Southerner's mind, the following list will be
    handed to each person as they enter a Southern State.
    (These actually should be the rules in all states.)

    1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more
    work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym
    ...

    2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you
    drive, you're going to get dust on your Lincoln
    Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way.

    3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you
    like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks
    -- it'll be permanent.

    4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
    seven years old. Yeah, we saw that Bambi movie, too.
    We got over it.

    5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't
    cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle .
    We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish
    for. its called bait.

    6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

    7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards
    are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You
    might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the
    time.

    8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
    Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the
    Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and
    turkey.

    9. Tea -- yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over
    ice and it's sweet. You want it hot? Set it in the
    sun. You want it unsweetened? Add a lot of water.

    10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown,
    wet, and served over ice.

    11. You have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real
    impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar
    combine that we only use two weeks a year.

    12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in
    town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when
    it's yellow.

    13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray
    before we eat--yeah, even breakfast. We go to church
    on Wednesdays and Sundays, and we go to high school
    football games on Friday nights. We still address our
    seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we
    sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see
    friends and neighbors.

    14. We don't do "hurry up" well.

    15. Greens -- yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt
    on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a
    smoked hog jowl.

    16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and carp. You
    really want sushi and caviar? It's available down at
    the bait shop.

    17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get
    over it. Don't like it? Interstate 75 goes two ways.
    Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.

    18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe
    even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and
    sugar on them, then you want cream of wheat -- go to
    Kansas. That would be I-40 West.

    19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer
    season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get
    pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at
    the church on either day.

    20. So every person in every pickup truck waves? Yeah,
    it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

    21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water
    hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators
    --and, if you hit it in the rough, we have these
    things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball
    players.

    22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you
    over for driving like an idiot --his name is "Sir," no
    matter how young he is.

    23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It
    drips from them. You park your Navigator under them,
    and they'll leave a souvenir on your hood.

    24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get
    beat up. No questions.
    The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all
    four of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There
    is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.

    American by Birth...
    Southern by the Grace of God.
     


  2. StevenRocks

    StevenRocks Senior member

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    Very cool, remarkably true.
     


  3. topcatny

    topcatny Senior member

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    I always thought I should have been born in the south.
     


  4. Valmont

    Valmont Senior member

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    A disclaimer should be at the end of that list, it should state:

    Visitors enter at their own risk, as you are now leaving the 21st century. We cannot take any responsibility for what will happen to you should you upset any inbred natives by actually expressing intellectual thoughts instead of being a religious drone.
     


  5. hopkins_student

    hopkins_student Senior member

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    (nightowl6261a @ April 02 2005,08:00) Southerner's Rules In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the Southerner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter a Southern State.
    A disclaimer should be at the end of that list, it should state: Visitors enter at their own risk, as you are now leaving the 21st century. We cannot take any responsibility for what will happen to you should you upset any inbred natives by actually expressing intellectual thoughts instead of being a religious drone.
    Obviously not a southern Gentleman. Anyone else here a Kentucky Colonel?
     


  6. PeterMetro

    PeterMetro Senior member

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    Maybe not, but is any of that list gentlemanly? I know many sountherners who would define a Gentleman in much different terms.
     


  7. hopkins_student

    hopkins_student Senior member

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    I was being facetious.
     


  8. nightowl6261a

    nightowl6261a Senior member

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    Does noone find the humor in the backward thinking ideas of what is truly a ridiculous thought....I guess not.
     


  9. policy

    policy Active Member

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    Yeah I didn't find it too amusing, I wish Sherman had burned more down.
     


  10. nightowl6261a

    nightowl6261a Senior member

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    great thinking.......where did you learn your values.....your parents should be so proud of you
     


  11. RIDER

    RIDER Senior member

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    I think that might qualify as the dumbest thing I've ever read on this forum...


    Come down and visit me in Richmond - I will take you to the Museum of the Confederacy where you can view some photographs of a city that has been burnt to the ground. I'm sure you will be most pleased to see the large mounds of the innocent victims that were incinerated during the burning of the city. While there, maybe you can verbalize your feelings...
     


  12. jpeirpont

    jpeirpont Senior member

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    That was a little over the top. I believe a number of the people deserved to be, and they probably weren't, and some of the land deserved to be destroyed or at least redistributed. But a blanket statement like that about the South is unfortunate to say the least.
     


  13. Brian SD

    Brian SD Moderator

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    what's a cowboy's mating call?

    "come on get in the truck, I only need 8 seconds..."
     


  14. nightowl6261a

    nightowl6261a Senior member

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    Now that is funny, sure do hope none of them Texans take afence to that kinda outporin of luv.....
     


  15. Horace

    Horace Senior member

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    Speaking of Sherman, has anyone read through his entire memoirs? I've dipped into them, but haven't looked to closely.
     


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