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bonding with the old man

globetrotter

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having an interesting week - tomorrow my wife is going in for a scheduled C-section, she is now carrying two girls who appear to be healthy and more than 7 pounds each.

I have been getting the house ready, and have my mother in law and my father staying with us, to help out. Don't even want to get started about the hell that is living in close proximity to my mother in law.....

I have been having a very good week with my father, though. we have been doing a lot of handy projects - the type of thing I would usually have somebody come in and do - putting together furnature, putting up shelves, hanging pictures, etc (ok, not exactly building a wooden boat without nails, but more my speed).

for the past few years, I was slightly upset that my dad never really taught me how to do a lot of this stuff, when he is pretty good at it himself. this week, I started to think about it a little more, and focus my memories. the fact is, I was never interested in learning how to work with my hands as a kid. my father built most of the furnature in our house that wasn't antique, and did a lot of odd stuff with his hands - fixing the car, etc. sure, he might have been more pushy about getting me to help him and learn, but I never experessed interest, he never pushed. I am sure that I must have been a little obnoxious about not wanting to learn to do stuff that I hoped to be able to pay somebody to do later in life. the one really great expereince we had with this was when my father, brother and I built a house togethe, when I was 14. this, also, cemented my feeling that I ddin't want to do much in the way of building - the house, although sound and still standing happily 25 years later, always had little problems: leaks, uneven doorframes, etc. but, for fucks sake, it was built by a white collar worker and two teenagers. I was always overly critical about that house.

anyway, here's the punchline - my father and I ahve been working side by side this week, preparing stuff for the next generation. my son, in his bod the builder belt and hat has been watching us carefully. my dad has been teaching me things that I should have paid attecntion to 30 years ago. all in all it has been a great week for bonding.
 

mrpologuy

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Congrats on the new ones on the way. I hope they are healthy and bring you a lot of joy. What a great post sharing your thoughts and feelings about working on the house with your dad. I am now 27 and didn't really paya ttention to the things my dad wanted to show m elike how to paint and fix things on the lawnmower. I guess that might be part of just being a teenage boy. Now that I am finally on my own I enjoy talking to my dad and wish we had more time to bond. I am sure we will down the road. I like seeing when we get together and get to talk. One is never to old to hang and bond with dad. I see how well my dad helps his dad now that he is in poor health and I want to be the same way with my dad.
 

Ivan Kipling

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Exciting news. If I'd had children, girls would have been my preference.
As for your bonding experience, better late than never. I never bonded, with my father. And never will.
 

romafan

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Best wishes for you and all your girls tomorrow, GT.

Our boys came out at 5.14 & 7.3 That both yours are over 7 is great & amazing. Over 14 lbs. of baby(s) - no NICU for you!
 
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i regret that my father never got around to making a family tree, though he knew it from memory going back to the days of the pony express. now all that knowledge seems irrevocably lost. being at the end of the family line at this point is troubling as i cannot very well transmit this family history to my kids if i ever have any.

a friend of mine has a business doing family biography documentaries----a great idea. i wish i had done somesuch thing.

congrats on the twins!
 

Dakota rube

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I pray that the delivery of your new daughters goes smoothly GT; twil certainly be a joyous day in your household. Congrats.

As to your time this week with your father: congrats again in finding joy. I wish that my father would've possessed the ability to "bond" with me. Alas, he was quite self-centered and a bit of a bully, who cared little for time he could spend with either my sister or me. Cherish these times GT, and remember them for when your son and your daughters will require bonding with their father.
 

Renault78law

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Well, I enjoy working with my hands, but it has nothing to do with my father. "Helping" him meant being a gopher. I never learned a thing. For you fathers our there, please keep that in mind if your kids don't express any interest in your work...
 

EL72

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Mazaltov and best wishes to you and your wife gt. With twins, I expect you'll have much less time to post on SF...

Enjoy your time with your dad. My dad is one of the handiest persons I know and I'm not. I'd like to learn more but we live in different cities. It's interesting how we seem to make decisions in our youth that specifically differentiates us from our dads and then become more like them as we age - sometimes despite our best efforts. There is no escaping your genes. At least that's been my experience in many ways.
 

designprofessor

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Congratulations and I echo the sentiments of Dakota Rube

My father passed away when I was 22 years old. In retrospect alot of the best and worst things in my life he missed, and I had no chance to benefit from his counsel.The bond between father and son can at times be pretty bad, but at least ( for some of you) they are around, and in that way, their presence is felt.
Cherish these times with him. They are finite and thus valuable. Now you know, that for your own children -being there counts -even if they hand you the same treatment you handed your dad -in time your consistency will pay off.
That's what dad's are for -not to always be right -but to just be there.
 

philosophe

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Mazel tov, Globe! Sounds like all is well in the various generations.
 

Edward Appleby

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That's wonderful Globe. Nothing like triple-generation male bonding.
 

faustian bargain

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congratulations and good luck with the girls. hoo boy, that's a totally different energy from boys. my little girls own me.
 

rdawson808

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I just heard, Zach. Much congratulations. I'm very happy for you. I hope you and your wife get a little time to sleep between now and 2016. Best of health and happiness to you and your family. I will drink a toast to you tonight.

bob
 

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