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Blonde Jokes

Discussion in 'Entertainment, Culture, and Sports' started by nightowl6261a, Apr 4, 2005.

  1. nightowl6261a

    nightowl6261a Senior member

    Messages:
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    Sep 15, 2004
    Location:
    Atlanta
    A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, How much will you charge me?"

    The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.
    The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm
    starting to believe all. those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to
    collect her money. "You're finished already?" the husband asked.
    "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it
    to her. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.
     
  2. Get Smart

    Get Smart Senior member

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    A town called Malice
    why did the blond stare at a can of frozen orange juice for hours?













    -the can said "concentrate"
     
  3. faustian bargain

    faustian bargain Senior member

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    Bay Area
    how can you tell a blonde has been working at your computer?

















    ...there's 'white-out'™ on the screen.
     
  4. Aaron

    Aaron Senior member

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    Vancouver and ?
    Wow guys these were hilarious.... When I was 12. Â [​IMG] A.
     
  5. Thracozaag

    Thracozaag Senior member

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    Cygnus X-1
    Why did the blond snort nutrasweet?







    Because she thought it was diet coke.
     
  6. nightowl6261a

    nightowl6261a Senior member

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    Location:
    Atlanta
    A blonde and a brunette are walking down the sidewalk in NY when they happen upon a dead bird laying on the ground, the brunette comments to the blonde, "hey look, a dead bird"....the blonde looks up and replies,






    "where?".
     
  7. GQ Lawyer

    GQ Lawyer Senior member

    Messages:
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    Mar 4, 2002
    Location:
    NYC
    What do you call a smart blond?



    A golden retriever.
     
  8. imageWIS

    imageWIS Senior member

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    Location:
    New York City / Buenos Aires
    Two dumb blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.
    The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously,
    "Hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down."

    Jon.
     
  9. nightowl6261a

    nightowl6261a Senior member

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    Atlanta
    Jon, my wife resembles that comment.
     
  10. Tokyo Slim

    Tokyo Slim Senior member

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    Apr 28, 2004
    Location:
    Where Eagles Dare!
    Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and died brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.
    Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"

    The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course."

    The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said,
    "352."

    This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandable, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right. O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
    The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.

    When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"
     
  11. big balla

    big balla Active Member

    Messages:
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    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2003
    What do blonde women and turtles have in common?













    When they're on their backs they're screwed
     
  12. BjornH

    BjornH Senior member

    Messages:
    503
    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2002
    Location:
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Hmmmm... must show restraint, must show restraint. WTF, here goes...

    A blond with her hair dyed ? Artificial Intelligence.

    How does a blond turn on the light after sex? -Opens the car door.

    What do you call a few blondes standing side-by-side? A wind tunnel.
     
  13. mnemonic

    mnemonic Senior member

    Messages:
    104
    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2004
    Location:
    Seattle
    why couldnt the blonde make kool-aid?











    ...because a gallon of water wont fit in that tiny packet.
     
  14. Brian SD

    Brian SD Senior member

    Messages:
    9,760
    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Location:
    Tokyo
    A blonde went to a salon to have her hair cut. When she sat down in the chair, the stylist recommended a style, but immediately noticed that it would be impossible to cut her hair if she continued to wear the oversized headphones she had on. When she asked if she could remove the headphones, the blonde said, "No, you can't. I might die."

    The stylist shrugged and tried her best to cut around the headphones. After about 5 minutes, the blonde dozed off. The stylist, after assuring that she was in fact asleep, removed the headphones. Immediately, the blonde clutched her chest and in less than a minute was dead. When the stylist put the headphones on to see what the blonde was listneing to, she heard a repating voice... "Breathe in, breathe out.."

    BTW, the diet coke one is amazing.
     

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