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Big life/career decisions, nervousness, little voice saying no...how to decide

Discussion in 'Business, Careers & Education' started by miran, Jun 27, 2011.

  1. miran

    miran Senior member

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    I have an opportunity to change careers. It will involve me resigning from my job and moving to New York City. Right now, I have it pretty cushy, in that I live where I grew up, where my family is, etc. I don't make much, and my job is a dead-end gig, but life's OK. With the summer, there are occasions to have a good life with sailing, good food, taking the motorbike out, relaxing, etc etc. With my current living arrangements, I'm alright for money. It's about money at this stage of my life, money trumps job satisfaction. Money, and quality of life, with one leading to the other.

    I've been living this life for the past 2 years, and then in April--I decided I coudln't go on like this, and I decided to make a career change. It proved easier than you'd imagine, than even I'd imagined, everything just fell into place like lego, everything is now set. I am scheduled to move to NYC next week to start a new field, in a new city, new everything.

    But I'm having trouble sleeping. Something in me is not altogether happy with this. I'm 30..everyone else (at least through social media) would be jumping up in cloud 9 when something totally new like this is happening to them. Not me. I'm nervous, my head is not working, I'm not thrilled....I'm nervous and scared.

    Is this just butterflies before my big change? Or does my subconscious, or whatever, know that this change is wrong--and therefore, holding me back? I am always chickening out before doing anything--everything from a vacation to a big project---but this is a life-changing decision, and there will be no turning back. Failure is not an option, in other words.

    How do I figure if it's just nerves, or if this is wrong?

    Some of the advice here from posters is quite insightful, so I thought I'd put my situation out here.
     
  2. odoreater

    odoreater Senior member

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    Every time I've ignored my negative gut feeling and jumped into something I've come to regret it later. Just sayin'.
     
  3. miran

    miran Senior member

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    Every time I've ignored my negative gut feeling and jumped into something I've come to regret it later. Just sayin'.
    yeah...but how do you know if that negative gut feeling is just nerves, or a deep-seated intuititive understanding that this is wrong? Logically, this seems the right decision to make...I've discussed it with 30439482308493 people and they all say this is a glorious opportunity not to be missed....but then why is my gut holding me back? Am I scared of success? How can I tell?
     
  4. odoreater

    odoreater Senior member

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    I'm generally not the type of person that feels negative "nerves" when something new is happening. I might feel an excited nervousness, but it's usually not negative. But that could just be me.
     
  5. GreenFrog

    GreenFrog Senior member

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    Maybe you're just scared of the change. Either way, it's a risk and as every single cliche/proverb says, ya gotta take risks to reap the rewards.

    I say go for it.
     
  6. LA Guy

    LA Guy Opposite Santa Staff Member Admin Moderator

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    There is a difference between nerves and something feeling wrong. Try to figure out which it is. It's not unexpected to get nerves, but when something feels wrong, it's probably a bad idea to ignore those feelings.

    A question to ask yourself is whether you'd regret giving up this opportunity. The most bitter and defensive people I know seem to have a lot of coulda, shoulda, wouldas, in their lives.
     
  7. guster

    guster Senior member

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    I have an opportunity to change careers. It will involve me resigning from my job and moving to New York City.
    How do I figure if it's just nerves, or if this is wrong?

    Some of the advice here from posters is quite insightful, so I thought I'd put my situation out here.


    Who knows for sure if this is just nerves from a big change in your life or something else. I think most people would be very nervous before a big move like this. You wrote that most people would be on cloud 9. But please realize that is easy for people to say. And it looks like you have spent most of your adult life in this "comfortable situation". Who wouldn't be very nervous about such a big change?

    I don't know how many of these opportunities you are going to get. But I would guess it is easier to come back home to a dead end job from NYC than it is to find another opportunity like this. Your ego may not like thinking about coming home. But if you hate it, it will be much easier mto come back than you think right now.

    Also, think about this. If you turn this down now, what changes your current situation? Something led you to feeling like you needed a change. If you don't go, you may feel safe and happy for a while but how do you feel a few years from now? Still stuck? Plus you probably will have the additional anger inside at yourself for not taking the opportunity when you had it. Do you want to live with that another 30 some years of your working life?

    It may not be comfortable and easy when you get there - at first. But I am convinced those tryng times and uncomfortable times are the best situations for people to really learn and grow.

    Good luck
     
  8. dtmt

    dtmt Senior member

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    Would it really be that hard to come back to your current lifestyle if things didn't work out in NYC? Compare that to how difficult it would be to find another offer like the current one. I don't know you or your what field you're going into exactly, but I'd imagine it's pretty rare for things to just fall into place so easily.
     
  9. upwindpenny

    upwindpenny Member

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    Just a reminder the cost of living in N.Y. is very high. I should know i have lived in all of the five boroughs of new york and even long island with the median 1 bedroom apartment going for $1600 and up with rents like that its hard to buy a home. Not just real estate and things are expensive here the food markets etc. the life style and things to do here are amazing you'll be exposed to so many different cultures and ethnicities its amazing.
     
  10. dexterhaven

    dexterhaven Senior member

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    Hemingway once sent a letter to Norman Mailer in which he wrote (I'm quoting from memory here): "The only advice I can give you is not to worry. Worrying is for suckers, and you can't write, fight, or fuck if you worry. This doesn't mean you shouldn't think."

    That pretty much expresses my advice on your problem: think it through thoroughly, and then either do it or don't. Just know that thought will only take you to a certain point. Rarely will it rid you of that feeling of uncertainty. I think you'd do well to learn to tolerate that feeling and not let it influence your actions--in other words, don't sit around waiting for certainty before you act.
     
  11. divitius

    divitius Well-Known Member

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    Lemme tell you something. I'm a coward and a wimp. I know this very well. I've learned to use this. If I'm terrified of a decision, I take that as a sign that it's the right move. A comfortable rut is as good as death.
     
  12. Master-Classter

    Master-Classter Senior member

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    know that nothing is permenant. It's the very nature of life to change. So it may take a little time, money, and effort, but nothing is absolute. If you get to the new life and 6 months in don't like it you can always come right back to where you are now. change leads to learning to cope with change. This experience, good or bad will give you character, ie teach you how to deal with something new so the next time round it's easier becuase you will have a better idea of what to do.
     
  13. gqreader239

    gqreader239 Senior member

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    quality of life trumps money. why make money if it does not improve your life? are you trying to make money to improve your image and how others view you?

    i started my career with a big salary for a new grad and have very low expenses in a town that is cheap to live in. even with all the extra cash floating around, its terribly depressing. is that what you want?
     
  14. odoreater

    odoreater Senior member

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    quality of life trumps money. why make money if it does not improve your life? are you trying to make money to improve your image and how others view you?

    i started my career with a big salary for a new grad and have very low expenses in a town that is cheap to live in. even with all the extra cash floating around, its terribly depressing. is that what you want?


    Some people like to suffer now, make a lot of money, so they can have more enjoyment later.
     
  15. RSS

    RSS Senior member

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    I'm thinking you are afraid to find out whether or not you really have what it takes to suceed.

    If you go to New York and fail ... you can go home.
    But if you stay home ... you'll never know if you could have made it in New York.

    Go.
     
  16. LA Guy

    LA Guy Opposite Santa Staff Member Admin Moderator

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    Some people like to suffer now, make a lot of money, so they can have more enjoyment later.

    I've rarely seen this work out well. The only cases where I've seen it work out are actually in fashion. I know at least three guys who did banking for about 5-6 years, with the goal, from day one, to quit as soon as they had enough saved up to start a store or a label and not be burdened by debts and not-so-silent partners. All three of these guys are pretty unusual, and remarkably disciplined with money to boot. It's remarkable to see someone not live to (nearly) the level their income would allow.
     
  17. pickpackpockpuck

    pickpackpockpuck Senior member

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    I once took a leave of absence from college and moved abroad for a while. I was freaking out just before I was scheduled to leave and wondering if I had made a huge mistake. It wasn't easy at first, but it ended up being one of the best experiences of my life, if for no other reason than proving to myself that I could get through the challenge. I think you'll eventually find it was a good decision, and you'll regret it if you don't go. 'Nothing ventured, nothing gained' is a saying for a reason. Do it now while you're young, don't have any debts or kids or anything preventing you from taking a risk. I say go for it.
     
  18. nate10184

    nate10184 Senior member

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    Sounds exactly like me a year ago. Do it for sure.
     
  19. SirGrotius

    SirGrotius Senior member

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    Go young man, go.

    If you hate it, return home.

    If you look at the ladies, you'll stay.
     
  20. Fraiche

    Fraiche Senior member

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    Just do it. [/nike]

    No seriously. Your gut is telling you the right thing. It's your survival instinct kicking in.

    To share my personal experience, couple of years ago, I had a dream job to many. I was working from home every day, salaried, full benefits making $70K+, wake up whenever the hell I wanted. Busy season was like 20 hour weeks for maybe like 1 month out of the year.

    I would show up to the office every couple of weeks just cause I felt guilty and then leave at lunch to go home. I had weeks of literally no work. Had some days I just decided to not even check my email and just do whatever.

    It was good times while it lasted but I felt the exact same feeling as you. I had to make a change or I would be rendered obsolete. Someone was gonna figure it out sooner or later and the later it is, the more my muscles would have atrophied.

    Now I am working for a Big 4, I get my ass handed back to me daily but one thing is certain, I won't be out of a job any time soon. My phone is ringing off the hook from recruiters since the first week.
     

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