From the pages of The Chap: Sir, I feel I should bring to your attention the horrendous level of service I received at a new lunching house in my village, which appears to be owned by one R McDonald Esq. Upon entering, no-one took my hat or cane, I was instructed to extinguish my Carey, and there was no table service. Instead, they held with a disgusting practice of ordering one's own food from an open kitchen at the rear of the premises! As it was breakfast time, I ordered a brace of kippers, four devilled kidneys, a dish of kedgeree and a pot of Darjeeling. When the pimpled knave behind the counter began to titter, I demanded to see Mr McDonald immediately. To my horror, a deranged simpleton was produced, whom they had made up to resemble a clown. I have since learned that Mr McDonald is to open another such establishment in the neighbouring village of Westgrove Belmont. Alas! And so the darkness spreads! Brigadier Gordon Volante, Pudsey I find this amusing.