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TN001

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When my father died back in July, we decided immediately to toss what we called the "FFC". That's Frasier's Father's Chair. Fortunately it was in his room and not a living room. And while it had no plastic cover it was a very worn(out) leather. We got a beautiful bowl, filled it with water from a nearby fall, then sprinkled the chair using a branch of Rosemary. I recited a Native American prayer known in this area. Afterward we put it in the SUV and drove it to the dump. I still felt guilty.

My spouse's parents had what I called a Jetson's Sofa that was still wrapped in plastic. That said, it had been in storage since he and I met. It was gorgeous mid-century ... medium blue ... and I was eager to have them give it to us. Sadly we discovered that critters had found it. The plastic didn't help. They entered from below.
I lost my father in 2010 and my mother in 2015, and I will tell you that the regret you feel for getting rid of things, always pops up. You just can't look back, even if you have virtually unlimited storage options. I put all the "important" things of my father's (that I didn't want in the house yet) in a mini-storage unit. About 5 years ago, I lost the key . . . I still haven't replaced it, it hasn't mattered.
 

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I lost my father in 2010 and my mother in 2015, and I will tell you that the regret you feel for getting rid of things, always pops up. You just can't look back, even if you have virtually unlimited storage options. I put all the "important" things of my father's (that I didn't want in the house yet) in a mini-storage unit. About 5 years ago, I lost the key . . . I still haven't replaced it, it hasn't mattered.
I put a fair amount of my mother's things into storage back when she died in 1999. My father downsized and just didn't want to keep it. The cost to ship was so high I thought I'll just fly back, rent a van, and move it myself on a cross country trip. As the months and years ticked away, I continued to pay that monthly fee. After all, it wasn't that much, or was it?

When my father moved up here to be with us in 2017, I combined the things for the move. Finally ... after 18 years of storage. But, what I realized is that over those years I'd paid $30,000+ in fees (adjusted for inflation, even more). I could have moved it at the start and had significant cash left over. But hey, it was what it was.

My Dad and I let the pros do the moving and split the cost. He and I enjoyed that cross country trip in his car. One of our favorite stops was in Van Horn, Texas at the Hotel El Capitan. We stayed a couple of days. All there was to do was sit, relax, read, eat, and drink. They have a decent restaurant and bar. From there we moved on to visit friends in Santa Fe. Next we stopped at a lodge in Bryce Canyon, Utah. After that it was up to Jenny Lake Lodge in the Tetons. Finally we made it home.
 
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wumpyfish

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I lost my mom in 09, my dad a decade earlier, "they say" part of getting over bereavement is the cathartic process of removing of their physical possessions that remind you of them, ergo, first couple of weeks I go through the house and donate a lot of her clothes to St Vinny dePaul including a very distinctive, almost a one of a kind blouse. Couple of days later going into Kroger I see a woman checking out wearing that exact blouse, I turn around and make it back to my car. Hour or so later I start the car and leave. I have a black sheep relative living in the house now however my mom's room is still basically untouched to this day. Its never easy, just a little less painful as time passes.
 

TN001

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I put a fair amount of my mother's things into storage back when she died in 1999. My father downsized and just didn't want to keep it. The cost to ship was so high I thought I'll just fly back, rent a van, and move it myself on a cross country trip. As the months and years ticked away, I continued to pay that monthly fee. After all, it wasn't that much, or was it?

When my father moved up here to be with us in 2017, I combined the things for the move. Finally ... after 18 years of storage. But, what I realized is that over those years I'd paid $30,000+ in fees (adjusted for inflation, even more). I could have moved it at the start and had significant cash left over. But hey, it was what it was.

My Dad and I let the pros do the moving and split the cost. He and I enjoyed that cross country trip in his car. One of our favorite stops was in Van Horn, Texas at the Hotel El Capitan. We stayed a couple of days. All there was to do was sit, relax, read, eat, and drink. They have a decent restaurant and bar. From there we moved on to visit friends in Santa Fe. Next we stopped at a lodge in Bryce Canyon, Utah. After that it was up to Jenny Lake Lodge in the Tetons. Finally we made it home.

OMG every month I see that charge hit my Amex, and I'm like, "do I really need . . .?"
 
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TN001

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When my father died, there were many things I wanted to keep (we had similar hobbies), but the thing I wanted most was a very old (19th Century) Greek-English dictionary. It had been rebound a few times and in its last iteration had a navy cover with a gold "N" on it (in case any of you ever spot it at a bookstore), but was nowhere to be found. It was special because when my father came to the US in the 50's to go to college, he didn't speak much English, and taught himself all of the vocabulary by reading that dictionary. It still haunts me . . . as much as a possession can.
 

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OMG every month I see that charge hit my Amex, and I'm like, "do I really need . . .?"
Believe me, I know what you mean.
 

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Its never easy, just a little less painful as time passes.
I've only quoted one sentence, but thank you for sharing that. I can only imagine what you felt to see another wearing something that had belonged to your mother.

You are right, it's not easy. My father has been gone 5 months and I can still see something that reminds me of him and it will rock me to my core. He was 97 when he died. That's quite a long life. Still, a part of me knows that he stopped dialysis -- which lead to a quick death (less than a week later) -- because he knew that taking care of him was hard on me. We had help, but a lot of the work fell to me. I just can't shake the feeling that my failure to be pastoral led to his earlier than necessary demise.

I never thought these kinds of feelings would haunt me. I doubt my father would want me to feel this way.

Good Lord ... we are a long way from western style shirts and Charvet.
 
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Numbernine

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My first wife died at 43. Her mom asked me if it was ok if she came and got all her stuff I didn't want to keep. OMG one of the greatest gifts I have been ever given and my mil acted like I was doing her a favor.
 

imatlas

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Still, a part of me knows that he stopped dialysis -- which lead to a quick death (less than a week later) -- because he knew that taking care of him was hard on me. We had help, but a lot of the work fell to me. I just can't shake the feeling that my failure to be pastoral let to his earlier than necessary demise.

There's no way that mere words can take away your burden, but I deeply believe that is more than you deserve to carry. Your father had the great gift of being able to choose the time and place of his passing. Very few of us are ever afforded that option.

I hope that with time you are able to forgive yourself for being the loving and helpful son that you are, and not the paragon of virtue that you wish you had been.
 

imatlas

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Also: my Mom was a hoarder with dementia. It took us months to dig out her house. Everyone do your heirs a favor and get rid of your shit!
 

edinatlanta

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Also: my Mom was a hoarder with dementia. It took us months to dig out her house. Everyone do your heirs a favor and get rid of your shit!
I recently met someone who was the child of a pretty famous person. Their dad died and i was being shown around the office. There was stuff that was really fucking cool but lile for them it was just.... stuff. And a lot of it. Anyway said the problem if a life well lived is the next generation has to take care of it.
 

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hoarder with dementia. It took us months to dig out her house.
You never know when that elementary school down the street might need 100 cottage cheese cartons.

Sorry you had to face whatever version of it your mother possessed. Each person comes at it differently.
 
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justinpledger

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UES make amazing flannels. Gorgeous fabrics - amazing attention to detail. I have 5 UES flannels and they are amongst the best shirts I own. I much prefer them to Iron Heart flannels. UES shirts are made using the dobby loom. On the thicker flannels, UES irregularly changed the length and location of the warp and weft to create an expression that differs from the usual twill. This creates the almost pear-skin-like texture on the surface of the material and is therefore called crepe weave material or Amundsen weave. The 15.5oz fabric has been woven using an old weaving machine named Schoenherr. This machine does not excessively pull the thread and so produces the soft texture of the shirt. Their softness is incredible.

Also, the main body seams have been rolled and triple-chain-stitched, thus producing a strong garment that can be cherished for a long time. A piping process was used to obtain a sturdy rolled hem.
The buttons are made from ivory palm nut with a beautiful gradient tone. You have to feel the hem to believe them.

UES shirts and The Flat Head are my two favourite manufacturers of flannels. To my mind, they blow Iron Heart shirts out of the water. Iron Hearts are very well made. But they don't have the gorgeous fabrics that UES and Flat Head have, and the details are not as beautiful...
 

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