Are you a negative person?

[enjoiii]

Refering specifically to how you speak about others. What are you like?

I find myself to be very negative when speaking about what others are doing with their life....

You go to community college? You're a loser.

You work at a coffee shop? I've never known such a failure.

Any advice for seeing the positive in people? Or advice for not saying what I am thinking? Or is this just engrained in me and I am doomed to always be an asshole?

 

[olualbert]

Try not to use the standard you've set for yourself and expect other people to have it.....you will always be disappointed. 48 laws of power by Robert Greene, law 38 states: "Think as you like But Behave like Others."

 

[socialdtk]

I'm also a very negative person that tends to voice my opinion even in situations that it'd be best to keep silent. With that being said, your logic makes you sound like idiot. For instance, you work at a coffee shop; therefore you're a pathetic waste of matter.

 

[The-thin-man]

I tend to say negative things about myself, and while I might believe it about others, I tend to feel sorry or more encouraging to them.

 

[Blackhood]

I'm a very optimistic person, but my gut reaction is in any situation you need to analyse any chance for failure. he result is that when I start a project I have a long list of things that can go wrong.

Other team members see it as very negative without realising that I'm simply planning success by eliminating opportunities for failure.

 

[giraffe lookout]

I recently read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. It is a little corny at times but he actually does help you to get in the mindset of looking the positives in people and not the negatives.

 

[Teacher]

Originally Posted by Blackhood

I'm a very optimistic person, but my gut reaction is in any situation you need to analyse any chance for failure. he result is that when I start a project I have a long list of things that can go wrong.

Other team members see it as very negative without realising that I'm simply planning success by eliminating opportunities for failure.

That actually is negativism. Many people think they're optimists when really they aren't. I'm not saying that to criticize; it's just the truth.

 

[Hombre Secreto]

Originally Posted by enjoiii

Any advice for seeing the positive in people? Or advice for not saying what I am thinking? Or is this just engrained in me and I am doomed to always be an asshole?

You hate yourself and want to be hated. Keep it up and you will end up a lonely miserable person.

 

[Thomas]

I used to complain a lot and be a lot snarkier. Many years back.

Somewhere along the way, I found a few good role models, decided that my happiness was in my hands and my hands alone (cue masturbation joke), and started relaxing. I became easier on myself in terms of accepting my successes and forgiving my shortcomings (cue small penis joke) and letting it show to others (um, not the penis). Then I started spreading my wings further and success built upon success and that allowed me to be more generous in sharing my happiness with others. It wasn't quick and it wasn't easy, but it was worth it.

One thing that kinda re-set my barometer in evaluating other people: volunteer work. Once you deal with people who have been dealt some crappy hands in life, you start to value and appreciate what you have. You will find people who would not hesitate to trade positions with you, no matter how bad you think you have it. And, once in a while, you find a situation that's so awfully, disgustingly grotesquely unbelievable but true that you decide that your average fellow man is just fine and is deserving of anything nice you can say to him.

 

[1up2down]

"These People" are usually the most successful people in society. Each of us have our own opinion of what criteria needs to be meet to be "successful." They may not meet your, (or my,) criteria for success, but, they probably don't care. Not as much as we would/do.

What freedom...!

 

[x26]

Originally Posted by The-thin-man

I tend to say negative things about myself, and while I might believe it about others, I tend to feel sorry or more encouraging to them.


Yep...

 

[gort]

I expect a lot out of people and generally judge people for the (******) choices they make. However I don't consider myself a negative person. I am usually very positive and can have fun doing anything. When I hear "negative person" I think of someone who will **** all over any idea anybody has and immediately thinks everything is going to suck without even giving it a chance. Somebody impossible to have fun around because they're always pointing out the bad stuff.

 

[L'Incandescent]

Originally Posted by enjoiii

Refering specifically to how you speak about others. What are you like?

I find myself to be very negative when speaking about what others are doing with their life....

You go to community college? You're a loser.

You work at a coffee shop? I've never known such a failure.

Any advice for seeing the positive in people? Or advice for not saying what I am thinking? Or is this just engrained in me and I am doomed to always be an asshole?

Apologies in advance for a reply that will be filled with cliches, but I really think they're true.

Based on your example judgments, it seems like you're acutely aware of social hierarchies and of winners and losers. I used to evaluate people in just the way you're describing, mostly when I was in my early 20s. At that point, I was very insecure about my own status in the world; it wasn't obvious at all that I was going to turn out to be one of life's "winners." And so I was always on the lookout for ways in which other people were lower than me in the social hierarchy. That at least gave me some security. I've found that as I've felt better about my own status--primarily career status, but not just that--I've been less and less keen to spot flaws in others.

Another cliche: I have known and been friends with people who would be considered by most as paradigm cases of "losers." One of them was a schizophrenic and another had multiple personality disorder (or dissociative identity disorder, as they say now). These are some of the most inspiring people I've ever known. Seriously. Despite obstacles that I can't even begin to conceive, they've cobbled together lives that, if not always full of joy, are at least livable. I've worked hard in my life and attained a certain degree of professional success, but what I've done is nothing compared to what they've done. Thinking of people like them helps put things in perspective.

 

[*#..]

Originally Posted by enjoiii

Refering specifically to how you speak about others. What are you like?

I find myself to be very negative when speaking about what others are doing with their life....

You go to community college? You're a loser.

You work at a coffee shop? I've never known such a failure.

Any advice for seeing the positive in people? Or advice for not saying what I am thinking? Or is this just engrained in me and I am doomed to always be an asshole?

Are you religious at all? I'm not, so don't worry, I'm not trying to convert you. Just trying to get more of an idea of who you are. Tell me more about yourself with examples, so I can give a better answer.

 

[mm84321]

Originally Posted by L'Incandescent

Apologies in advance for a reply that will be filled with cliches, but I really think they're true.

Based on your example judgments, it seems like you're acutely aware of social hierarchies and of winners and losers. I used to evaluate people in just the way you're describing, mostly when I was in my early 20s. At that point, I was very insecure about my own status in the world; it wasn't obvious at all that I was going to turn out to be one of life's "winners." And so I was always on the lookout for ways in which other people were lower than me in the social hierarchy. That at least gave me some security. I've found that as I've felt better about my own status--primarily career status, but not just that--I've been less and less keen to spot flaws in others.

Another cliche: I have known and been friends with people who would be considered by most as paradigm cases of "losers." One of them was a schizophrenic and another had multiple personality disorder (or dissociative identity disorder, as they say now). These are some of the most inspiring people I've ever known. Seriously. Despite obstacles that I can't even begin to conceive, they've cobbled together lives that, if not always full of joy, are at least livable. I've worked hard in my life and attained a certain degree of professional success, but what I've done is nothing compared to what they've done. Thinking of people like them helps put things in perspective.

I enjoyed this. Thank you.