Are there people here who care about how they dress yet still are socially awkward?

[kookydooky]

I mean be shy to the point that you would avoid being in social situations.

There is usually a conception that people who care about how they dress are outgoing and sociable but I was wondering if there was anyone else who was more quiet like me

Im strange. I dont have problems talking to people about a task or assignment we have to do or talking to people for the first few times or whatever

Its when it gets to the seeing them more stage or the friend/aquaintance stage.

For example at school/work I have no problem talking to people the first day or first few days where everyone is still sort of shy and quiet but after that when people start forming their own group/friendship circles I usually am still left alone and have nothing really to contribute.

And when sitting with people and not having anything definitive to talk about such as an assignment or job to do there is usually this awkward silence around me which i see noone else seeming to have and find my self awkwardly looking around the room.

Another example is this guy from school the first few days used to just sit there by himself reading so I decided one day to sit with him, he is a cool guy and all but a month later everyone seems to get along well with him while I seemed to have become the awkward dude. And feel awkward when walking out of class not talking to anyone.

I make an effort to talk to people or sit with people but I just dont have anything to talk about. Maybe I am just thinking about it too much about mimicking what is 'normal'

I also dont feel as though I have any close friends at all and just hang out with some people just for appearances even though I am not really enjoying myself and would rather just be at home chilling on my own.

Sorry for going all Dr Phil on you guys but I just had to get it out

 

[whodini]

Uhh...

 

[Eason]

Hmm, maybe you're marsupialed?

 

[PG2G]

I am socially awkward around white people, black people, and girls that I'd like to ******** with

 

[PG2G]

Originally Posted by Eason

Hmm, maybe you're marsupialed?

Aw man, don't kick a man while he's down.

Anyway, there is a place for socially awkward people. Its called World of Warcraft (or IRC)

 

[Nico Samuel Pleninsek]

Uck, what is with these posts tonight; I feel better actually when I'm dressed better. No, I consider myself a far cry from shy. Why not just go out and meet new people? It is easy, and fun, and interesting, and stimulating. Take up a hobby to talk about, talk about music, love, politics, literature, art, sex, alcohol, politics, ideas, etc, etc. Take a girl out to an interesting restaraunt. Perhaps forget about dressing well and focus on impressing well, because honestly few people care.

If your down; buy something expensive, takes the pain away faster than advil.

Don't focus on what is normal; I'm guessing your in HS? Go crazy then; a lot of girls just want a confident human being and appreciate someone who isn't following an arbitrary checklist to what they perceive as normal. I wore leggings on a date last week (with a girl, tehe, make fun of the leggings if you wish), she said she enjoyed how it showed off the muscles. Have fun with life, you only have one, and one shouldn't spend it in mental slavery.

 

[TyCooN]

I've found that socially awkward people often don't have much of a life. The first and best place to start is getting new hobbies.

 

[JoelF]

OP, it sounds like you just talk when you have something worth saying, as opposed to filling the air like most people. That's actually a very positive trait.

 

[robbie]

Awkwardness comes and goes.

 

[kookydooky]

Its strange because even with my friends I find myself talking as if they are strangers now. Before we used to talk about random stupid **** but now it is as though it is beneath them and they are too cool for it and I just dont really get in contact with them any more. And when I do they end up just treating me like **** and I dont really like being around those sort of people

Where would one meet new people. Also would people generally accept someone who doesnt really have friends because I always feel as though people have their own lives outside of the place I meet them with their own best friends etc. and it feels aas though I am just infiltrating their flow Also I am 20 and out of highschool a while ago, I just noticed this happening when I felt as though my friends began to become too cool for stuff that made me like them in the first place and over the years just has slowly deteriorating. For example the reason why I liked them in the first place was because we were just a bunch of different guys who hung out together and bummed around and whatnot. Now the group seems to be just a pack of ego driven dudes. Always trying to have a go at the "weakest link" where everyone else then joins in I never even was the weakest link in the group until the guys who I thought were my best friends in the group sold me out and told the other guys about stuff to make me the weakest link out of the blue and ever since then I just stopped really caring about being social. I mean im all up for joking around but sometimes theres just things where you just dont go when it comes to making fun of people and thats what really got me

 

[Nico Samuel Pleninsek]

Originally Posted by JoelF

OP, it sounds like you just talk when you have something worth saying, as opposed to filling the air like most people. That's actually a very positive trait.

It is a good trait at times, but one must be able to switch between the poles.

 

[Nico Samuel Pleninsek]

Originally Posted by kookydooky

Its strange because even with my friends I find myself talking as if they are strangers now. Before we used to talk about random stupid **** but now it is as though it is beneath them and they are too cool for it and I just dont really get in contact with them any more. And when I do they end up just treating me like **** and I dont really like being around those sort of people

Where would one meet new people. Also would people generally accept someone who doesnt really have friends because I always feel as though people have their own lives outside of the place I meet them with their own best friends etc. and it feels aas though I am just infiltrating their flow


Also I am 20 and out of highschool a while ago, I just noticed this happenning when I felt as though my friends began to become too cool for stuff that made me like them in the first place and over the years just has slowly deteriorating


Hobbies is a good way to meet people, jobs as well, striking up conversation at a coffee shop/bar, concerts, parks, getting your haircut - the list is endless.

 

[sho'nuff]

Kooky I know exactly what you are talking about.

I am 36 yrs old and I still have these issues on a regular basis but I learned how to deal with it.

Like most would ask about hobbies or things to do with people, lot of times it is not even that (I have a lot of interests and dealings/involvements with people all the time) that it goes beyond it like attitude and self confidence.

If you like pm me if you want to talk more about it. Trust me I am being sincere. Not that ill solve anything for you but we can talk for a little encouragement perhaps.

(See how I approach people awkwardly??).

 

[tagutcow]

Originally Posted by kookydooky

I mean be shy to the point that you would avoid being in social situations.

There is usually a conception that people who care about how they dress are outgoing and sociable but I was wondering if there was anyone else who was more quiet like me

Im strange. I dont have problems talking to people about a task or assignment we have to do or talking to people for the first few times or whatever

Its when it gets to the seeing them more stage or the friend/aquaintance stage.

For example at school/work I have no problem talking to people the first day or first few days where everyone is still sort of shy and quiet but after that when people start forming their own group/friendship circles I usually am still left alone and have nothing really to contribute.

And when sitting with people and not having anything definitive to talk about such as an assignment or job to do there is usually this awkward silence around me which i see noone else seeming to have and find my self awkwardly looking around the room.

Another example is this guy from school the first few days used to just sit there by himself reading so I decided one day to sit with him, he is a cool guy and all but a month later everyone seems to get along well with him while I seemed to have become the awkward dude. And feel awkward when walking out of class not talking to anyone.

I make an effort to talk to people or sit with people but I just dont have anything to talk about. Maybe I am just thinking about it too much about mimicking what is 'normal'

I also dont feel as though I have any close friends at all and just hang out with some people just for appearances even though I am not really enjoying myself and would rather just be at home chilling on my own.

Sorry for going all Dr Phil on you guys but I just had to get it out

FEAR NOT! Kooky Dooky, for I know EXACTLY where you're coming from.

People who volunteer such information tell me they think I'm "shy". If by "shy" you mean nervous, insecure, etc. no, I definitely don't consider myself shy. I do, however, find it next to impossible to start a conversation with a person I know nothing about. Even people I do know well, I often find it difficult to say anything beyond "Hey, howzitgoin?"

I actually have a condition called Prosopagnosia that doesn't necessarily make me socially awkward, but does create social awkwardness. All the time, people introduce themselves to me and say they recognize me from somewhere else, and I don't recognize them. Everywhere I go, I'm practically swimming in a sea of strangers. I'm also hearing impaired, so having nuanced discussion in nightclubs is difficult.

At the same time, I'm ususally capable of having an in-depth conversation on any number of topics- music, philosophy, politics, movies, &c.- with the people I do know well. I suppose sometimes I can get pedantic, just because I'm so starved for opportunites for conversation. People always say, "Yeah, this is Rob, he's really cool," but the friendships never seem to go anywhere.

I took a few classes in community college, and every class it was the same deal; the first day there I was cracking everyone up, girls were smiling at me (without fail, some girl was hitting on me the first two or three days), name-dropping Ferdinand de Sassure to the teacher, whatever, and gradually, over the course of the semester, I would fade back into the background.

The few times I've gone out to a place with someone else, I've done much better, but these instances don't happen often. The last "friend" I thought I acquired ended up just being a crackhead who was taking me for a ride.

So yeah, I dress to make myself more visible (supposedly, prosopagnosiacs tend to give themselves a distinctive, unusual appearance.) I don't consider it compensatory in a self-esteem sense, but at the same time I try to telegraph the fact that I'm not just dressing the scenery here.

This is why I play pool at bars. You put up quarters, and you're guaranteed some level of social interaction, and you feel like you have some reason for actually being there until your quarters are up. When I'm not playing pool, it's just another night of throwing on a few hundred dollars worth of clothes, going out by myself, talking to nobody, and going home by myself.

 

[kookydooky]

So you end up going to pool places on your own?

Do people generally just go up to you and join in when you are playing pool by yourself?