Anyone have any good wisdom on forgiveness?

[HgaleK]

I'm looking for any sage wisdom, advice, help, etc on the topic. Logic isn't helping the emotional end, and I'm pretty furious and bitter- like stupid, irrational, want to break everything bitter. Books, articles, speeches, anecdotes; take your pic.

Thanks

 

[intent]

Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it.

 

[Rambo]

Simple - forgive, but never forget.

 

[Stazy]

What happened? Might be easier to provide suggestions with some sort of context in mind. Also, a clever quote won't solve any problems. If this is a really serious issue than talking to a counselor, etc would be infinitely more useful.

 

[Neo_Version 7]

^^ Hmm..Stazy, it might have something to do with this. http://www.styleforum.net/showpost.p...&postcount=481

 

[Huntsman]

Originally Posted by HgaleK

I'm looking for any sage wisdom, advice, help, etc on the topic. Logic isn't helping the emotional end, and I'm pretty furious and bitter- like stupid, irrational, want to break everything bitter. Books, articles, speeches, anecdotes; take your pic. Thanks
Don't force yourself to forgive, but also (and, I think critically), don't let the groupthink of others reinforce demonization of one who hurt you. Understand that even if you hurt for a long time, the hurt is not necessarily tied to your ability to forgive. Damage done is independent of forgiveness. One can hurt and have scars for actions long ago forgiven. Short of actions in which malice was involved, forgiveness is, in part, in acknowledgment of your own humanity, too, and a truth than one fuckup need not eradicate positive history with someone. Yes, it may end a relationship if you choose, if trust cannot be rebuilt, but it does not have to completely overshadow everything other moment. ~ H

 

[Ivar]

This sounds like a Five-Stages-of-Grief kind of situation:

1. Denial - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of positions and individuals that will be left behind after death.

2. Anger - "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.

3. Bargaining - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..."

4. Depression - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect oneself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

5. Acceptance - "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with his mortality or that of his loved one.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kübler-Ross_model)

Good luck with the soul searching!

 

[Piobaire]

^ I ******* hate the worship that lady receives. And no, it doesn't seem applicable to this situation.

Originally Posted by HgaleK

I'm looking for any sage wisdom, advice, help, etc on the topic. Logic isn't helping the emotional end, and I'm pretty furious and bitter- like stupid, irrational, want to break everything bitter. Books, articles, speeches, anecdotes; take your pic.

Thanks

The answer is in the bolded. This is all non-productive baggage that you have. Breaking things you own? Being furious and bitter? It's all a waste of your energy and time. The only person getting hurt there is you. So stop hurting yourself. To forgive or not to forgive is a different question. You want to know how to cope with these feelings. Just don't let yourself have them with such intensity.

 

[by the power of RA]

"Accept whatever comes to you woven in the pattern of your destiny, for what could more aptly fit your needs?" This was written 2000 years ago by Marcus Aurelius, one of those exceedingly rare humans who possessed worldly power as well as wisdom.

It seems that most people need to experience a great deal of suffering before they will relinquish resistance and accept "” before they will forgive. As soon as they do, one of the greatest miracles happens: the awakening of Being-consciousness through what appears as evil, the transmutation of suffering into inner peace. The ultimate effect of all the evil and suffering in the world is that it will force humans into realizing who they are beyond name and form. Thus, what we perceive as evil from our limited perspective is actually part of the higher good that has no opposite. This, however, does not become true for you except through forgiveness. Until that happens, evil has not been redeemed and therefore remains evil.

Through forgiveness, which essentially means recognizing the insubstantiality of the past and allowing the present moment to be as it is, the miracle of transformation happens not only within but also without. A silent space of intense presence arises both in you and around you. Whoever or whatever enters that field of consciousness will be affected by it, sometimes visibly and immediately, sometimes at deeper levels with visible changes appearing at a later time. You dissolve discord, heal pain, dispel unconsciousness "” without doing anything "” simply by being and holding that frequency of intense presence." - Eckhart Tolle

 

[by the power of RA]

Nero - Innocence "Truly, it is in darkness that one finds the light, so when we are in sorrow, then this light is nearest to all of us." Eckhart Tolle

 

[HgaleK]

Thanks for the words, everyone. I'm doing much better now. I settled down, thought out the situation, and started working at it piece by piece. It'll be a bit, but I'm not a wreck and it's all manageable. My belongings are intact too.

 

[yjeezle]

true forgiveness takes time

 

[indesertum]

forgiveness is the best revenge.

in fact go to the person who has offended you and apologize adamantly. tell them it was all your fault and that you're very sorry and that you really care about them, etc.

if s/he's a normal human being s/he'll apologize right back even more profusely.

if s/he's not cut off relations. don't hang out with douches.


i've done it before. it sounds stupid but it feels great in the end. i read about it in dale carnegie's book and it's worked pretty well. give it a try

 

[Nouveau Pauvre]

Originally Posted by indesertum

forgiveness is the best revenge.

in fact go to the person who has offended you and apologize adamantly. tell them it was all your fault and that you're very sorry and that you really care about them, etc.

if s/he's a normal human being s/he'll apologize right back even more profusely.

if s/he's not cut off relations. don't hang out with douches.


i've done it before. it sounds stupid but it feels great in the end. i read about it in dale carnegie's book and it's worked pretty well. give it a try

This is the worst advice I've read in ages.

 

[Rambo]

Originally Posted by indesertum

forgiveness is the best revenge. in fact go to the person who has offended you and apologize adamantly. tell them it was all your fault and that you're very sorry and that you really care about them, etc. if s/he's a normal human being s/he'll apologize right back even more profusely. if s/he's not cut off relations. don't hang out with douches. i've done it before. it sounds stupid but it feels great in the end. i read about it in dale carnegie's book and it's worked pretty well. give it a try
He's not trying to win her friendship and influence her. He's trying to avoid going over to her house and giving her a Falcon Punch. I don't think that Dale covered that in any of the chapters.