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Anybody feel that they aren't where they want to be at their age?

Discussion in 'Business, Careers & Education' started by Quadcammer, Jan 8, 2012.

  1. Quadcammer

    Quadcammer Senior member

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    I realize that this is probably me being dumb, but lately I've felt like I'm really not where I want to be right now. This is not meant as a brag thread, so don't take it that way, as I'm really wondering if I'm being ridiculous.

    I'm 28, good education (mba), decent job in finance with competitive salary and bonus, own a townhouse in Northern NJ, two nice cars, and decent amounts in savings, trading, and 401k, but I swear everywhere I look there are people that seemingly have better jobs, move saved, nicer things (shoes, furniture, clothes, watches, etc), higher quality of life, etc. (I'm talking out about financials right now, not relationships, happiness, intangibles, etc.)

    Maybe I have unrealistic expectations, but I'm pretty disappointed with my current situation.

    Is this a normal feeling at this age? Am I just not realizing how many people out there that are really struggling?

    Any thoughts appreciated.

    thanks
     
  2. Pilot

    Pilot Senior member

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    You should probably try to find happiness in yourself and not base it on comparing yourself to others.
     
    2 people like this.
  3. Mandrake9072

    Mandrake9072 Senior member

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    Big +1 to what Pilot has said.

    Plus it's meaningless to compare your financials to others because you clearly won't get a full picture just by basing on the wealth they outwardly display (loans/debt, savings, retirement portfolio are all bigger factors that you won't really have an idea of)...


    Yes. How about volunteering your time to get some perspective?
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2012
  4. Quadcammer

    Quadcammer Senior member

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    I'm competitive by nature, so I always strive to be more successful.


    Definitely true, but I feel like for at least several people, I have a pretty good idea.

    As for volunteering, I do. twice a year I spend a few days working for habitat for humanity.
     
  5. Mandrake9072

    Mandrake9072 Senior member

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    Regardless of how competitve you are, this can be a common feeling for 20 somethings and those fresh out of college (post college depression/mini existential crisis)...

    I know you mentioned in your post that you weren't including the intangibles like relationships and overall happiness but have you put more emphasis on those? After college, just focusing on the things I'm able to control (relationships, health, free time) has done wonders for me.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2012
  6. erdawe

    erdawe Senior member

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    You're trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole...

    This sort of thinking is both vain & shallow.
     
  7. Verniza

    Verniza Senior member

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    It is perfectly fine. In fact, it is fantastic and I encourage it.

    It is this disappointment and hunger that will further drive you to improve yourself. Once you start being content with yourself, you'll never grow, never improve, never become a better person. Just make sure that you don't sit on your ass and say that you want more. If you want more, TAKE ACTION.
     
  8. Kid Nickels

    Kid Nickels Senior member

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    +1... well said sir.
     
  9. TeeKay

    TeeKay Senior member

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    It's entirely dependent on what field you go into. I won't have an income worth mentioning until age 30, but that is considered quite young in the field I'm in(medicine).
     
  10. jrd617

    jrd617 Senior member

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    WTF?


    I'm six years younger than you and wouldn't mind making that much when I'm 28.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2012
  11. GreenFrog

    GreenFrog Senior member

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    +1 on the idea that people may have a lot of possessions that display wealth outwardly, yet be in tons of debt or have very little savings.
     
  12. thenanyu

    thenanyu Senior member

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    He didn't say he makes 401k. He was describing his retirement plan.
     
  13. jrd617

    jrd617 Senior member

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    Ummm... I didn't say that I thought 401K referred to his salary. Where did you get that idea?

    Own a home + 2 luxury cars at 28 = very decent salary. Unless, of course, he lives beyond his means.
     
  14. captainfunk

    captainfunk Senior member

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    If your definition of success has nothing to do with happiness and other intangibles I think you may have a bigger problem on your hands. Your paradigm for success seems to be far too driven by material desires. Perhaps if you spend more time fostering your personal relationships and especially your happiness, the money will come, and it will become far less important to your own definition of success.

    If you weren't working in finance, what would you be doing? What are you passionate about outside of work?
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2012
  15. Quadcammer

    Quadcammer Senior member

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    Look, I have a very comfortable salary and bonus. It affords me a very nice lifestyle, without question. But I feel mediocre...and in my business, that seems to be determined by income.


    Could be, but from what I know of these people, thats not the case.


    well I don't have any debt aside form my mortgage and my income covers my expenses. see above.


    I'm not saying it doesn't, I'm just saying that i'm happy with my success with respect to relationships. As stated, it seems that in my business, success is defined by title and income. And that is the part of my life where I feel mediocre. Less than $200k in NYC seems very mediocre.
     
  16. Bradford

    Bradford Senior member

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  17. L.R.

    L.R. Senior member

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    I've just turned 24. In university I kept good grades despite travelling 600 km every weekend (on my own dime) to work on the family farm and my dads business. I ran my own business (just a tutoring service, but I had 2 people basically paying me hourly for recommending them, and was a go between for a dozen other tutors), managed a sports team, and headed a student society. Graduated on time, into a terrible economy. Being from a border town, with the Canadian dollar high, family business was even worse. So I spent 1 1/2 doing physical labour for no pay, 60 hours a week.

    I've finally left, but I'm 24, make minimum wage (first time in my life), no cash, no prospects, and I see all my friends with well paying gigs, finishing up MBA's and other master programs, or in med school. I cannot say I'm happy as to where I am. Nor do I ever see it really improving. On the other hand, I can keep myself fed, have a roof over my head, have a few super good friends I keep in touch with...and that's more than I can say for people I see on the streets. So it could be worse.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2012
  18. StephenHero

    StephenHero Senior member

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    Not really. If I've done anything successful in the past couple years, it's that I've done a really good job of internalizing the prospects of my ambition. I've tried to set my life up so that everything I need to be happy is within my control to obtain or fix, which distances me from the agitation of relative material wealth. Conversely, I try to internalize my prospects of failures as well, so I don't lay blame for my failures, which is such a corrosive mentality. It's probably not possible to entirely prevent yourself from taking emotional interest in things that are beyond your control, but it's probably quite rewarding to explore the margins. It helps that I have some family and friends who are doing really well, but who are unhappy for the most part, which lends perspective. Also, it's a marathon, albeit a fast-paced one. Most people are a couple important moments away from setbacks and successes.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2012
  19. Gibonius

    Gibonius Senior member

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    The more competitive you are, the more likely you are to be unsatisfied with your level of success. It's hard to be driven and contented at the same time. Most people are pretty miserable for a long time if they're fixated on pushing themselves as hard as they can, even if you totally get off on your job. Maybe it's worth it in the end, maybe not.


    A lot of it depends on your peer group and your perspective. If I look at my high school class, I'm probably one of the most successful people. If I look at my graduate school class, I'm more or less average. I've decided that I'm fine with that, being average in elite company is ok for me. Being the best of the best is a lot of damn work, even if you're talented. Most people couldn't do it even if they tried their whole life, and it can be a recipe for perpetual unhappiness. I like having time at home, not being stressed all the damn time, etc. A cost of that is that I'm not in the top % of my field. It has some costs, but I feel that it'll be best in the long run.

    I ended up settling on my personal philosophy in part due to my experience in sports. I was consistently in the top ~15 in the state (out of a couple hundred) when I competed regularly. When I tried national level competition, I rarely got in the top half. Some people push themselves until they're the best in the world. Me, I realized that between my talent level and the rewards I was getting, I was happier swimming in a smaller pond. I probably could have pushed hard my entire life and never gotten to that elite level, and would have hated it the whole time.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2012
  20. Steve Smith

    Steve Smith Senior member

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    OP, if your happiness is based upon having more and earning more then you will never have enough. I am not preaching to you, because this is something which I have struggled with over the years.
     

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