After how many dates should you let a girl pay for (half or all of) a date?

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by merkur, May 26, 2011.

  1. Joffrey

    Joffrey Senior member

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    I prefer to pay. If she offers to split and it's a bad date then I'm happy. If it's a good one, I tell her the next time we go out she can pay her share. I think it's pretty lame though as I prefer a little old fashioned point of view of the guy taking care of things (in general). However, I cannot stand women who feel entitled to the benefits of being treated very well but are actually lazy, stupid, tramps.
     
  2. gort

    gort Senior member

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    Once you're in a formal relationship I think leaning towards a more even spending distribution is appropriate. While still in the dating phase I tend to pay more frequently.
     
  3. ChicagoMediaMan

    ChicagoMediaMan Senior member

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    With my current GF i picked up the first tab, we've split everyone since. She even picked up the bar tab at the second place we went to on the first date.

    My previous GF was always annoyed about having to pay for anything, one of the reasons it didn't work out. In a country where equality is a high priority I can't see a reason why I still should to pay for everything.


    Big +1. My most recent GF of almost 2 years and I usually took turns picking up the check. Of course, I paid for the first date. And maybe 2nd too, but I honestly can't remember.

    If someone were to always assume that I should pay everything and were to get annoyed about having to chip in, then her and I would definitely not work out. Especially if she has a decent career too. It is the farthest thing from equality as it gets.
     
  4. Dakota rube

    Dakota rube Senior member

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    My steady and I worked out a system to deal with this:
    If we are going to boan in my bed, I pay;
    if we are going to use her's she pays.

    If we are going to do the sechsing in the car or some public place, we dine and dash.
     
  5. patrickBOOTH

    patrickBOOTH Senior member Dubiously Honored

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    Bad feelings?? WTF!! My ex's would TELL ME, I'm taking you out for dionner or let's get some drinks.....$$ between people in a relationship should not be an issue(for the most part-unless she is unemployed!) We would make joke bets on stupid things to see who would pay for dinner!

    But as for the OP's question, if she insists or asks, don't make a huge issue of it! Joke with her and tell her, "you're on." And just thank her after! Something like that can be the start of a relationship where she starts to plan things for the both of you to do....ex.."hey , i got tkts to xyz on sat night, don't make plans!" And she won't expect you to pay for your tkt because she knows that it will come back around!


    I think it is just the way I was raised. My family went out to dinner everyday growing up and my father always paid, while my mother was a princess and didn't work or anything. He also very generous in general so I think just being around it for years ingrained the same behaviors into me.

    I have a friend where plain etiquette is a big thing for him. if he pays for drinks or dinner and doesn't get a simple thank you it is a deal breaker, or if they just don't even "try" to pay, or offer to pay.

    Now, with my girlfriend, if she is the one to invite me out she pays. It makes a lot of sense, but I have dated girls where they will invite you out, or to an event and sit back while they catch a free night with you. That is just rude.
     
  6. Sazerac

    Sazerac Senior member

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    who goes on dates? and who is ashamed to let a girl pay for you? Is this the 1950's?

    When she dumps you for being too adolescent, this is why.

    While I'm half kidding, I'm only half kidding. Every woman -- every woman -- appreciates a man who has a plan for the evening (subject to spontaneous change, of course) and who casually picks up the tab without making a mawkish show of it. This is basic and immutable.
     
  7. indesertum

    indesertum Senior member

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    i think if you've gone out on several dates then this is something you two should discuss.
     
  8. Sazerac

    Sazerac Senior member

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    I have a friend where plain etiquette is a big thing for him. if he pays for drinks or dinner and doesn't get a simple thank you it is a deal breaker, or if they just don't even "try" to pay, or offer to pay.

    Now, with my girlfriend, if she is the one to invite me out she pays. It makes a lot of sense, but I have dated girls where they will invite you out, or to an event and sit back while they catch a free night with you. That is just rude.


    The woman should offer, the man should politely refuse, the woman should graciously accept. I think that's the standard silly little ceremony for first or second dates. After about the fourth date, I think taking turns is fine.

    Then again, I weird about money and always hate splitting tabs even with other male friends. I like the taking turns thing even there, because it's always a promise of one more get together.
     
  9. imschatz

    imschatz Senior member

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    If she says she's taking me out and says she's paying for the date beforehand, then I'll let her pay. Otherwise I'll pay. If she has a few small bills in her purse ($5's/$10's) and offer's to cover a portion of her entree, I won't make a fuss about refusing - as it seems 75%+ of most of our meal costs are the drinks. But under NO circumstances, will I split a bill 50/50.
     
  10. dtmt

    dtmt Senior member

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    Usually don't do a dinner date until after sleeping together, will pay the first time and special occasions/random times when I want to treat her, otherwise 50/50.
     
  11. unjung

    unjung Senior member

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    With my current GF i picked up the first tab, we've split everyone since. She even picked up the bar tab at the second place we went to on the first date.

    My previous GF was always annoyed about having to pay for anything, one of the reasons it didn't work out. In a country where equality is a high priority I can't see a reason why I still should to pay for everything.


    The last first date I went on, I paid at the first place, and after we decided we were having fun and to go eat sushi, we split it.
     
  12. TC (Houston)

    TC (Houston) Senior member

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    No self-respecting gentleman should ever let a date pick up a tab at a restaurant or bar. Letting her chip-in is doubly embarrassing. If she wants to do something nice for you, she can treat you to a picnic lunch or prepare a dinner for you at her house.
     
  13. Fuuma

    Fuuma Franchouillard Modasse

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    Not being a self-respecting gentleman I don't give a fuck about paying etiquette. Only thing is I don't like splitting; group of friends/date/dog/alien someone pays and that's it.
     
  14. TC (Houston)

    TC (Houston) Senior member

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    Only thing is I don't like splitting; group of friends/date/dog/alien someone pays and that's it.

    That's pretty advanced gentleman etiquette for someone who doesn't give a fuck. [​IMG]
     
  15. Fuuma

    Fuuma Franchouillard Modasse

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    That's pretty advanced gentleman etiquette for someone who doesn't give a fuck. [​IMG]

    I hate discussing money so I either pick up the bar/restaurant tab or someone does.
     

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