advice needed - tie/shirt/suit for daytime funeral/memorial in 1 week

[rckestyle]

Just would very much appreciate thoughts on (1) is my suit dark enough (2) which tie is more appropriate ~~

This is for a daytime memorial for a friend who recently passed away - the memorial will be held in a week in Southern California. I do have a black suit but really don't want to wear it. I am 50, and the deceased was a very wonderful and lively woman almost my age - the kind of girl who was classy and funny and would pretty much want anyone attending to celebrate her life, not be too sad.

Anyway....because I want to wear grey, and it's only medium grey rather than dark grey, I am having doubting my own judgement as far as protocol here - and that leads me to wondering if it's ok to do light blue shirt and then how subdued would my tie need to be. If you want to suggest white shirt, go ahead, but I am really just asking about which tie.

Thanks in advance (the pattern of the suit only shows properly in the top photo)

 

[ImTheGroom]

Will her family know who you are, what your relationship was to the deceased, and understand your choice? You do not want to give the impression that you are not showing appropriate respect, nor do you want to cause any other mourners further distress.
Perhaps wear the black suit, and the tie in the pic 1, and wear her favourite flower as a boutonierre? Something personal, that celebrates her, but that is easily recognizable as a loving gesture, and will not be mistaken for insensitivity or boorishness. Honestly, if I was her brother and ddin't know you, and saw you in the grey suit, I'd assume you didn't have a black one, and think nothing of it. If I saw you in a blue shirt with a mid-grey suit, I would be offended. But that changes if you know her family and close friends to some extent.

 

[rckestyle]

thanks - those are all of the things that i am worried about.

and no, the family will not know me well, just a close friend out here but they are all from Pennsylvania.

her sister will be the only one who knows me because we are facebook friends - pretty close friends, but not to where it would count as much toward the understanding of anything.

sounds like black suit so far

thanks man - appreciate it

 

[ImTheGroom]

No problem. I am sure there is something you can do to honour her spirit. I'm sure I will get lambasted for this but if, for example, she really loved Garfield, and everyone knew that about her, you could track down a novelty Garfield tie to wear. I would just make sure whatever you do, it's very obvious to all that it is about her, and not about you. And you have my condolences.

 

[MyOtherLife]

Do not wear a Garfield tie or any other goofy tie to a funeral.
Of the choices given, go with combo 1 above. It's quiet and doesn't draw attention.
Welcome to Styleforum rckestyle.