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You know what? I'm REALLY lonely.

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by TyroneFig, May 5, 2009.

  1. Deluks917

    Deluks917 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    952
    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2007
    Thank god i'm still in school. Maybe if I get a PhD I can milk being in uni til I'm 31-32.
     
  2. tagutcow

    tagutcow Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    10,618
    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2006
    Location:
    Greensboro NC

    You should feel lonely. There are billions of people in the world and none of them want to spend time with you.


    That's the thing that kills me, though (and I know your comment wasn't directed at me)-- I know there are tons of people who would love to have me as a friend, I know there are tons of girls who would love to have me as a boyfriend... They just never get to meet me.

    And no, it's not because I'm "shy"-- at least not how I understand the term. I'm not "insecure"-- I have alot of shit weighing down on my shoulders, but an inferiority complex isn't one of them. I just have great difficulty insinuating myself into groups of people in situations where purely social interaction is cast in bare relief.

    Hey, if there's a pool table, I'll put some money up, and be guaranteed some level of social interaction. You can talk a little bit with the people you're playing with (I'm always 10x better when others initiate), but at the same time there's no pressure to "perform"-- not socially, at least. For a person looking from the outside, it may even appear that I'm with friends, and they in turn are far more likely to initiate conversation with me than if I'm just a creepy loner in the corner. I've made a handful of passing acquantinces this way. The few times in recent memory I've attempted to go somewhere that doesn't have a pool table, I realized what a social crutch it's become for me.

    Seat me at a table with five or so people I know reasonably well, and I'll have all of them roaring with laughter in no time. This is my best side, but a situation in which I find myself precious few times (seriously, I get to go to a restaraunt with non-relatives about once a year on average.) Put me in a club full of total strangers, and with nothing to do, and I'm totally useless.

    I'm not in denial. When people make it known that they don't want anything to do with me, I can read the signs. This happens to everyone, though, and I don't think anyone could realistically believe that social rejection alone accounts for my loneliness.

    I do have a mild form of prosopagnosia, more demotically known as face-blindness. Basically, I usually have to see a person five or six times before I can remember them, which may nip prospective friendships in the proverbial bud. It also raises the possibility that all the strangers I see around me may not necessarily be strangers. I can't help but believe prosopagnosia has a subtle but profound impact on my social life... I'm always amazed at the sheer number of other people most other people know, and the vast, cross-referenced mental database of social information they have at their disposal. Having to remember all those friends'-friends, relatives, jobs, significant others, ex-significant others, etc. strikes me- quite honestly- as hard work of the most mundane variety, and if it's a choice between that and being lonely, I'd almost prefer to be lonely.

    It's certainly not all a direct result of prosopagnosia, but maybe the prosopagnosia has caused certain social skills to atrophy. When I go to the gym, sometimes the guy who works there tries to have a little conversation with me, or occasionally I'll make a joke about a video they're showing on the tvs. It doesn't always go smoothly, and it makes me feel bad- in situations like these in general- that I can't be more yielding.
     
  3. thekunk07

    thekunk07 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    18,145
    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2007
    Location:
    nyc
    nc ain;t that bad. just go out more tagutcow.
     
  4. MetroStyles

    MetroStyles Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    15,831
    Joined:
    May 4, 2006
    Location:
    New York Shitty
    That's the thing that kills me, though (and I know your comment wasn't directed at me)-- I know there are tons of people who would love to have me as a friend, I know there are tons of girls who would love to have me as a boyfriend... They just never get to meet me.

    And no, it's not because I'm "shy"-- at least not how I understand the term. I'm not "insecure"-- I have alot of shit weighing down on my shoulders, but an inferiority complex isn't one of them. I just have great difficulty insinuating myself into groups of people in situations where purely social interaction is cast in bare relief.

    Hey, if there's a pool table, I'll put some money up, and be guaranteed some level of social interaction. You can talk a little bit with the people you're playing with (I'm always 10x better when others initiate), but at the same time there's no pressure to "perform"-- not socially, at least. For a person looking from the outside, it may even appear that I'm with friends, and they in turn are far more likely to initiate conversation with me than if I'm just a creepy loner in the corner. I've made a handful of passing acquantinces this way. The few times in recent memory I've attempted to go somewhere that doesn't have a pool table, I realized what a social crutch it's become for me.

    Seat me at a table with five or so people I know reasonably well, and I'll have all of them roaring with laughter in no time. This is my best side, but a situation in which I find myself precious few times (seriously, I get to go to a restaraunt with non-relatives about once a year on average.) Put me in a club full of total strangers, and with nothing to do, and I'm totally useless.

    I'm not in denial. When people make it known that they don't want anything to do with me, I can read the signs. This happens to everyone, though, and I don't think anyone could realistically believe that social rejection alone accounts for my loneliness.

    I do have a mild form of prosopagnosia, more demotically known as face-blindness. Basically, I usually have to see a person five or six times before I can remember them, which may nip prospective friendships in the proverbial bud. It also raises the possibility that all the strangers I see around me may not necessarily be strangers. I can't help but believe prosopagnosia has a subtle but profound impact on my social life... I'm always amazed at the sheer number of other people most other people know, and the vast, cross-referenced mental database of social information they have at their disposal. Having to remember all those friends'-friends, relatives, jobs, significant others, ex-significant others, etc. strikes me- quite honestly- as hard work of the most mundane variety, and if it's a choice between that and being lonely, I'd almost prefer to be lonely.

    It's certainly not all a direct result of prosopagnosia, but maybe the prosopagnosia has caused certain social skills to atrophy. When I go to the gym, sometimes the guy who works there tries to have a little conversation with me, or occasionally I'll make a joke about a video they're showing on the tvs. It doesn't always go smoothly, and it makes me feel bad- in situations like these in general- that I can't be more yielding.


    Sounds like you are too real. You have to be fake and put up a persona for some social lubricant.
     
  5. tagutcow

    tagutcow Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    10,618
    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2006
    Location:
    Greensboro NC
    Sounds like you are too real. You have to be fake and put up a persona for some social lubricant.

    Are you saying I should follow the Arthur Kade program for success?
     
  6. longskate88

    longskate88 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,261
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2006
    Location:
    San Diego
    Remember, the worst thing that can happen? You end up right where you are, right now, alone. It only gets better if you put in some effort.

    Do you golf? I work at a golf course, it's VERY easy to meet people there. It's got alcohol, guys trying to get away from their wives, a pool table in the clubhouse, a chance to show off your latest outfit/gear, and you can hit the pool afterwards and meet some ladies. If you can, being a member will make it that much easier, with member events and tournaments, and skins games/ after work 9 hole games.

    If you work...anywhere...I'm sure there are some guys who play on weekends. Say you'd like to learn to play, and they'll proabably invite you. As long as you don't play slowly, it doesn't matter if you suck. Make jokes, hand out the beer, and you're set.
     
  7. MetroStyles

    MetroStyles Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    15,831
    Joined:
    May 4, 2006
    Location:
    New York Shitty
    Are you saying I should follow the Arthur Kade program for success?

    Just saying, if you don't enjoy shooting the shit and just bullshitting with people you won't enjoy socializing with random peeps. It's hard to be real with people when you first meet them.
     
  8. why

    why Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    9,735
    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2007
    I'm really lonely too. A/S/L?
     
  9. tagutcow

    tagutcow Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    10,618
    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2006
    Location:
    Greensboro NC
    Just saying, if you don't enjoy shooting the shit and just bullshitting with people you won't enjoy socializing with random peeps. It's hard to be real with people when you first meet them.

    I live near a rock club called "Somewhere Else Tavern", and the three or four times I've been there, there's been a guy there named "Elvis" who'd decked out in full rockabilly gear and a jacket with his name written across the back. When I tried to introduce myself to him, it became apparent that he was ten times the social retard I am. But hey, he got his signature, and showed up at the same club night after night, and became a mini-institution.

    Truth: whenever a woman asks me what my job is these days, I tell them I'm a male stripper. Without fail, they believe me. Maybe I should iron out my backstory so I can continue the ruse more convincingly.
     
  10. edinatlanta

    edinatlanta Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    25,411
    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2008
    Location:
    Wit' Yo' Baby Momma
    Dude I can sympathize with you. In addition to actually being quite boring I am socially lazy at times (I just don't care to build relationships sometimes), highly eccentric, at times my personality is bombastic and loud and it often rubs people the very wrong way. Because of that I only have a few close friends and associates. I used to get really down about that at times.

    But I'll tell you what. You've got to stay busy. Seriously. there were some pretty dark times in my life. The only way it changed was when I found stuff to do. I joined a political group. I started umpiring little league, etc. It keeps your mind occupied. If you let it wander you will get depressed it is what happened to me and everyone else who has depression. Most importantly the activity will give you meaning. You might not find it in the first group, but maybe the second. You'll find a spot somewhere. And you know what, my life is pretty damn good right now. I've got friends, direction, happiness. I really can't complain. And when I look back at where I was a few years ago, I'm really really proud of myself. I've got a long way to go but dammit if I don't feel better.

    What we've gathered from your posts is that you may be a bit of a dick. Nothing wrong with that. Just keep your pie hole shut when meeting people for the first time. You'll still end up talking but focus on listening. You'd be amazed how far that goes.

    You're looking for validation in all the wrong ways, trust me on that. You need to find an activity man. Work won't do it either. If there is one piece of advice to give you with that is that it isn't as hard as you'd think.

    Hope you feel better bro.
     
  11. tagutcow

    tagutcow Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    10,618
    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2006
    Location:
    Greensboro NC
    I'm really lonely too. A/S/L?

    2old4thisshit/plzkthx/gspot

    Let's hit up Scorpio's and get dem bitches!
     
  12. LabelKing

    LabelKing Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    25,745
    Joined:
    May 24, 2002
    Location:
    Constantinople
    I suggest a RealDoll.
     
  13. JoelF

    JoelF Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,459
    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2007
    Location:
    MA & NYC
    Have you guys considered getting dogs? They love you and need you no matter what.

    I'm a social retard too. And I have a speech disorder so can barely get words out sometimes. You just get used to all this shit as you get older, and eventually it doesn't make a difference anymore.
     
  14. West24

    West24 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,960
    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2007
    Have you guys considered getting dogs? They love you and need you no matter what.

    I'm a social retard too. And I have a speech disorder so can barely get words out sometimes. You just get used to all this shit as you get older, and eventually it doesn't make a difference anymore.


    omg i know its bad but i was dying from laughter reading this. its like everyone is trying to one up eachother.
     
  15. x26

    x26 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    637
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2007
    First I would like to say I'm sorry for all of you folks that are lonely.
    I know how you feel as I am very lonely as well.
    In the last 10 years:
    * I have lost most of my family
    * All of my friends-through death and attrition.
    * And to top it off the City I once new and loved.

    Most times I don't know how I even make it.
    At times I feel: Despair
    When it hurts more than I can bear I try to "Embrace my Pain"...

    Regards
     
  16. Jayhawk1412

    Jayhawk1412 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    442
    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2008
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    To be honest man....you sound like you love yourself wayyyy too much to be able to have any friends right now. After reading all your posts, it seems like you could be a cool guy, you have some great qualities, but you spend too much time trying to make yourself the greatest person ever. I really don't know how to put it into words, but I guess what sums it all up is... You're trying too hard, then you come off sounding like a douche bag, and you think you're the shit I'm a pretty direct person, no nonsense kind of guy, please take it as constructive criticism from someone who really does have a lot of very close friends. Just trying' to help EDIT: and to x26 above me, I'm very sorry to hear all of that. Those are truly horrible losses and I sympathize with you. You need a girlfriend, and fast. Go on a dating site if you have to.
     
  17. VKK3450

    VKK3450 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,769
    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2004
    Location:
    Primrose Hill, London
    WTF??

    If you dont have friends GET OFF of SF and go meet people. Dont let this be your little online crutch full of virtual friendships.

    K
     
  18. madaboutshirt

    madaboutshirt Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    422
    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2009
    Location:
    Sydney
  19. constant struggle

    constant struggle Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,991
    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2007
  20. coldarchon

    coldarchon Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,222
    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2009
    imo many people feel more lonely than they should, all the communication possibilities create needs that want to be fullfilled. stop thinking you need to be online all the time, get a pen pal and read a book ..
     

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