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Wedding planning update: Please help me convince my fiancee that my groomsmen do not have to be carb

Discussion in 'Classic Menswear' started by quaker13, Nov 15, 2012.

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  1. Claghorn

    Claghorn Well-Known Member

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  2. quaker13

    quaker13 Well-Known Member

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    no she wants to go with purple, but she hasn't even found her dress let alone her BMs
     
  3. ter1413

    ter1413 Well-Known Member

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  4. mazdamx594

    mazdamx594 Member

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    It's a close up but it sort of illustrates the point, especially with the tie selection. Albeit, the braces are terrible.
    [​IMG]

    Good luck! I'm doing the same for my wedding.

    - Chris
     
  5. unbelragazzo

    unbelragazzo Well-Known Member

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    Went to a wedding last night - gents in non-matching charcoal suits, looked great.
     
  6. Zauberer

    Zauberer Member

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    That's the right track.

    Advice to the OP: First of all, don't get married. Just go to prison instead. You'll have more freedom, and with the occasional conjugal visit, you'll be equalling the amount of sex you would be getting from your wife after five years anyway.

    Second: As duggyald was alluding to, the wedding is all about the bride. This is not unfortunate. Let her plan all that tedious stuff. It's her day, not yours. The only thing you need to object to is if she wants you all in tuxes with kelly green bow ties to match the hideous kelly green bridesmaid dresses. This leads me to a further point; all bridesmaid dresses are without exception hideous. They can be worn (reluctantly) to a wedding and absolutely nowhere else. That's your leverage right there. If she's choosing ugly shat for her girls, she has no say with your guys. The last wedding I attended, the bride chose dresses in the one shade of violet that couldn't possibly be found in nature. On the bottom she added faux purple snake skin pumps. I wish that could be found in nature. I would like to have a purple snake come to think of it. Those maids will hate her forever, but all men present greatly enjoyed their discomfort. In the end, the only thing that will be fondly remembered about any wedding is if the wet bar is free all night. That's the part you plan.

    Third: Considering the second point, you and your groomsmen want to dress in something you're going to wear often. Rules out silly notions of evening and morning dress, right? That is unless you are an opera junkie or attend an uncommon amount of VIP only monarchial funerals. So I believe you're on the right track with the charcoal suit. Have the groomsmen get variations of that. and instruct them to wear whatever shirt and tie they wish. If one of them chooses an Aloha shirt and a Donald Duck tie, don't get all sartorial police on him. He's your dumb friend and you can enjoy his ensemble years later as you leaf through your wedding photos. At that point, and with hindsightt, your ridiculous friend will seem to be the only bright spot in your disastrous decision to get married.

    Make a good day of it, and get that free wet bar going.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2012
  7. quaker13

    quaker13 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the well written op ed Zauberer

    We had a conversation about this last night and she remains obstinate. Her argument is that because I didn't want to have a wedding in the first place I shouldn't be able to weigh in on certain details. She then follows that point with a barrage of I am letting you pick the dj; pick the first song; pick your suit; and giving you input on the menu. All fair points, but I am electing not be blinded by the "appearance" of choice. I told her last night this will not be resolved until we have a befitting compromise. Then I slapped her with a thinly veiled threat, "I'd hate to show up to the wedding with my groomsmen dressed in my preferred attire because we couldn't come to a consensus" She teared up a bit and feigned offense, but i saw right thru that charade.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2012
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  8. NefariousSabatour

    NefariousSabatour Well-Known Member

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    Don't marry this psycho.

    And Zauberer, that was great.
     
  9. msulinski

    msulinski Well-Known Member

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    I find the whole concept of the groom having no say in the wedding ridiculous. It is not HER day, it is YOUR day. If some of you want to give control of the planning to the bride, fine, but that doesn't work for everyone, nor should it be the default. You and your friends are going to be the one wearing the clothes, and you should certainly have some (most?) of the say.

    For those praising Zauberer's post (a fair bit of which I disagree), and then saying the OP should not marry the "psycho," I don't understand. The two stances are somewhat contradictory.
     
  10. Claghorn

    Claghorn Well-Known Member

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    Try trading the DJ and the menu. Music is music. That won't last. Her choice in menu isn't that big of a deal, it can't be that different from yours...especially as she's sure to keep your guests in mind.

    Ultimately, nobody will remember the music or the food. There will be many pictures. And perhaps this willingness to give up other things will show that while you may not have wanted a wedding in the first place, you want one now, and this is something that means a lot to you.

    In the mean time, I'd order a swatch set from Sam Hober just in case you do win the argument. He makes beautiful, beautiful ties.

    The people telling you it should be her day are those for whom weddings aren't important, and that's fine. If it is important to the groom, then it should be shared.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2012
  11. Harold falcon

    Harold falcon Well-Known Member

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    Keep fighting the good fight OP. We need more weddings that don't look like high school proms.
     
  12. forsbergacct2000

    forsbergacct2000 Well-Known Member

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    I still say that only on a clothing forum would anyone propose getting all upset over what you will wear for six hours during a wedding.

    If you can't basicly let the bride do what all her peers get to do, and she's having a problem with it, you will regret what happens.

    If you will really refuse to get married over your metrosexual fantasy, don't get married at all - to anyone - until you grow up.
     
    1 person likes this.
  13. chogall

    chogall Well-Known Member

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    engagement party + wedding party. problem solved.

    dont be pussy whipped. learn all about fighting and reconciliation during wedding and honeymoon planning.
     
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  14. unbelragazzo

    unbelragazzo Well-Known Member

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    This argument gets repeated often but I don't agree at all.

    Why should you be the arbiter of what someone finds important?

    If its so objectively insignificant a matter, there's just as much argument for the bride giving in as for the groom.

    Finally, why are the two options cave in completely or issuing an ultimatum of your own costumes or an end to the engagement? The OP is asking for ways that he can show his fiancée that his way is elegant. That seems to indicate that they can actually have a civil and reasonable discussion about something that is important to both of them. While this seems to be a rare and dying object in out society today, we should encourage it wherever it finds a habitat rather than ridicule it for being insufficiently conciliatory.

    Edit: after reading OP's most recent post, it appears the discussion is not quite the paragon of sensibility I had hoped. OP, what exactly does the bride want to put the groomsmen in?
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2012
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  15. tgt465

    tgt465 Well-Known Member

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    I read up to this point and enjoyed the thread.
     
  16. dirkweems

    dirkweems Well-Known Member

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    Could be worse. I was a groomsman and the bride insisted we wore these horrendous nylon gold ties. It was a black tie wedding so there we were, wearing our tuxes and those awful $5 ties. We were matchy matchy and fugly. A $5000 bespoke dinner jacket made to look like something rented for a junior high prom. But that was hat the bride wanted. And as best man I had to grin and bear it. I was envious of all the other guests wearing their black bow ties.
     
  17. unbelragazzo

    unbelragazzo Well-Known Member

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    At least you got to wear your tux. I had to wear a rented medium gray POS tuxedo along with a basically unknottable polyester fuchsia tie and matching fuchsia pocket square, which I was forced to fold neatly origami-style with two points facing up.
     
  18. Dorothea Brooke

    Dorothea Brooke Member

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    Belragazzo, it was a great opportunity cost, but you still looked like a Prince.
     
  19. acridsheep

    acridsheep Well-Known Member

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    You'd be hard pressed to find a more excellent post on this domain.
     
  20. Kaplan

    Kaplan Well-Known Member

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    This matching wedding party inanity is probably the worst in all of styledom. Tastelessness of an Ed Hardian scope. Good thing it's pretty confined to the US ;-)

    When and why did this even become a thing?

    Since I don't know, I'll happily speculate: At some point in time, with the increased casualisation of style and dresscodes, people looked to older wedding photos for inspiration for how to 'dress up' for the big event. Not recognizing the finer details as actually being differences (single breasted vs double breasted suits, tie patterns that come off as solids when photographed from afar, etc) it must somewhere along the line have been wrongfully concluded that people in those pics all wore the same. Of course, b&w photography will not have helped.

    For instance, at a glance the guys here may come off as similarly dressed, but they're far from identical:

    [​IMG]

    And maybe some industrious clothing stores saw their chance to perpetuate this misconception to sell a bunch of identical, crappy outfits.

    OP, how about getting hold of some classic movies with well dressed people in wedding scenes, watch them with your wife to be and subbtly point out how everybody looks better for not being forced into some tasteless uniform?

    Start with Four Weddings and a Funeral

    [​IMG]

    and The Godfather

    [​IMG]

    Good luck :)
     
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