1. Welcome to the new Styleforum!

    We hope you’re as excited as we are to hang out in the new place. There are more new features that we’ll announce in the near future, but for now we hope you’ll enjoy the new site.

    We are currently fine-tuning the forum for your browsing pleasure, so bear with any lingering dust as we work to make Styleforum even more awesome than it was.

    Oh, and don’t forget to head over to the Styleforum Journal, because we’re giving away two pairs of Carmina shoes to celebrate our move!

    Please address any questions about using the new forum to support@styleforum.net

    Cheers,

    The Styleforum Team

    Dismiss Notice

Valuable advice to most Americans

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by dkzzzz, Sep 14, 2006.

  1. johnnymarrsbarres

    johnnymarrsbarres Active Member

    Messages:
    28
    Joined:
    May 23, 2006
    Location:
    Manchester, UK
    that guy was being ironic, fair play.

    i got quite angry, then laughed.
     
  2. Nantucket Red

    Nantucket Red Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,742
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    Location:
    Upper East Coast
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    1. When in restaurant do not try to out-yell the music that usually blaring through speakers. [sic]

    Of course, because the music is blaring, everybody must raise their voice to be heard. Still, don't do it.

    2. When conversing in a crowded bar/restaurant, talk at a normal volume or sit closer. Stop yelling you platitudes over entire city block. [sic]

    Agreed. Avoid platitudes.

    3. When laughing try to laugh like a human and not like a horse. Reduce volume 10 fold. This advice is equally important to men and women.

    If you are unsure of how a horse laughs, watch reruns of Mr. Ed.

    4. Stop whistling in public places!!!

    Those with whistling medical conditions should carry a note from their doctor.

    5. Chew with your mouth closed and without sounds! [sic]

    Put the remote on mute.

    6. Cover your mouth with your hand when yawning.

    This is not necessary when coughing or belching.

    7. Once in a while eat your lunch with fork and knife instead of your both hands. [sic]

    Forget about how stupid you will look eating a hamburger or hot dog with a knife and fork.

    8. Talk less often about sports or new cars.

    Talk about ballroom dancing and the structural characteristics of reinforced concrete.

    Feel free to add.

    Very well . . .

    *Don't bang on the table with your knife and fork screaming "I want it NOW!!" Banging on the table is sufficient.
    *Do not fart loudly in public and then laugh. Laughing at your own farts is not funny.
    *Don't slap complete strangers on the back and bellow "How the hell are ya?"
    *Don't play "chew & show" in fine restaurants. This sort of behavior should be reserved for McDonalds.
    *Avoid urinating or defecating in public, except in France, where this is acceptable behavior.
    *Don't grab the asses of women in the presence of their husbands.
    *Don't dunk your bread in your wine after buttering it (dunk it first, then butter it).
    *Don't flash your private parts at people to get their attention (call out "Hey, you!" first, then flash).

    Most important of all: Do not under any circumstances offer unnecessary and condescending advice on manners to complete strangers. Chances are good that they are better bred and more cultured than you. If you must offer advice, do so in correct English.
     
  3. redcaimen

    redcaimen Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,092
    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2006
     
  4. Man In Space

    Man In Space Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    205
    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2006
    Location:
    The Outer Periphery
    12. Stop inventing things. We liked snail-mail.

    yeah, and they can take back their god-damned light bulbs too.
     
  5. acidboy

    acidboy Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    21,170
    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2006
    stop exporting your junk foods to us.

    but DO keep making quality porn that no other country can every do.
     
  6. LabelKing

    LabelKing Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    25,745
    Joined:
    May 24, 2002
    Location:
    Constantinople
    stop exporting your junk foods to us.

    but DO keep making quality porn that no other country can every do.

    Doesn't Japan have a pron industry with much more "advanced" interests in mind?
     
  7. Nantucket Red

    Nantucket Red Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,742
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    Location:
    Upper East Coast
    Doesn't Japan have a pron industry with much more "advanced" interests in mind?

    If you mean those computer games where pimply, greasy-haired computer nerds can play a character who rapes precociously developed schoolgirls, then yes, they are very advanced.

    Otherwise, Japanese porn is as dull as dung dust.
     
  8. LabelKing

    LabelKing Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    25,745
    Joined:
    May 24, 2002
    Location:
    Constantinople
    If you mean those computer games where pimply, greasy-haired computer nerds can play a character who rapes precociously developed schoolgirls, then yes, they are very advanced.

    Otherwise, Japanese porn is as dull as dung dust.

    I believe they pixelate the genitalia?
     
  9. Tokyo Slim

    Tokyo Slim Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    19,179
    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2004
    Location:
    Where Eagles Dare!
    When laughing, they never seem genuine, like they are laughing to be polite or something. Which of course, is insulting.
    This one caught my eye too. Laughter is a joyful spontaneous thing. If you are modulating the sound of your laughter, you arent really laughing, you are just being insincere.

    My post is to be taken as 100% juvenalian satire, but as with most satire, it was designed to illustrate a point. Thanks for "getting" some of the subtlety.
     
  10. redcaimen

    redcaimen Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,092
    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2006
    My post is to be taken as 100% juvenalian satire, but as with most satire, it was designed to illustrate a point. Thanks for "getting" some of the subtlety.

    Well, if I was able to get all the subtlety I would become as unbearably smug as the average condescending european. Just another social benefit of brain damage.
     
  11. Nantucket Red

    Nantucket Red Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,742
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    Location:
    Upper East Coast
    I believe they pixelate the genitalia?

    As far as porn goes, I've seen some pixellated and some left unadultrated ([​IMG])

    As for the computer games, I've only seen advertisements, which are not pixellated.
     
  12. pinchi22

    pinchi22 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    448
    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2004
    Location:
    Spain, California
    My European wife uses a fork and knife to eat pizza. Incredibly inefficient.

    They only speak about literature and art to impress Americans. 70% of real life conversations in Europe are about soccer.
     
  13. Joffrey

    Joffrey Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    11,347
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2006
    Location:
    Pennsylvania Ave/Connecticut Ave
    I was at lunch a week ago and my colleague was eating a pizza with a knife and fork too. I could only think of how unfun to eat that pizza must have been. Easpecially since it was damn good pizza
     
  14. Thomas

    Thomas Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    29,119
    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2006
    Location:
    Texas
    My wife (born and raised in Texas) also does the fork-and-knife thing with pizza. Weirds me out a bit, since she doesn't do that with ribs, which are far messier.

    We were in an airport (in Houston) and saw two older european men eating hamburgers with forks and knives. Inefficient, but at the same time they weren't in a hurry to get anywhere and seemed to enjoy their meal, which some of us don't always remember to do. Then again we don't often have beer with our lunch either - that might have helped it a bit.
     
  15. Kent Wang

    Kent Wang Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,720
    Joined:
    May 5, 2005
    Location:
    London
    I eat potato chips with an oyster fork and a cheese knife.
     
  16. JBZ

    JBZ Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,281
    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2003
     
  17. dkzzzz

    dkzzzz Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,360
    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2006
    Location:
    Hoboken
    Putting aside merely functional conversation (e.g. "please pass the salt," "do you know where the bathroom is?") I would have thought this figure would have been much, much higher.

    I despise people who compulsively follow professional sports and talk all the time about them. It is the most plebian trait one can develop.
     
  18. RJman

    RJman Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    18,647
    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2004
    Location:
    In the not too distant future
    I despise people who compulsively follow professional sports and talk all the time about them. It is the most plebian trait one can develop.
    Do you know any good hotels in Paris under $400? Ken Pollock wants to know and I think you'd get along with him.


    j., do we have a troll smiley?
     
  19. cheapmutha

    cheapmutha Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,890
    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2006
    Location:
    Jacksonville, fl
    I despise people who compulsively follow professional sports and talk all the time about them. It is the most plebian trait one can develop.
    really? i despise people who bitch and moan about how 90% of the population is beneath them.
     
  20. JBZ

    JBZ Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,281
    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2003
    I despise people who compulsively follow professional sports and talk all the time about them. It is the most plebian trait one can develop.

    Really? I would have put burping, farting, and picking your nose in public ahead of talking about professional sports as far as "plebian" traits are concerned. Hmm...
     

Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by