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Things That Are Bothering You, Got You All Hibbeldy-Jibbeldy, or just downright pissed, RIGHT NOW!

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Bergdorf Goodwill, Feb 7, 2007.

  1. patrickBOOTH

    patrickBOOTH Well-Known Member

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    Selected for random drug test. Yay!
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. ethanm

    ethanm Well-Known Member

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    Isn't that only because of some client you work with? brb it's okay to come in hungover but don't burn a j with dinner or you will get canned!
     
  3. patrickBOOTH

    patrickBOOTH Well-Known Member

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    I don't work with clients.
     
  4. ethanm

    ethanm Well-Known Member

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    You said something about some government something or other that caused management to go with the drug tests.
     
  5. Find Finn

    Find Finn Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]





    I would stay with Delta because of that.
     
  6. LawrenceMD

    LawrenceMD Well-Known Member

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    "Tell me about the Checkered Flag?!"
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2014
  7. MrG

    MrG Well-Known Member

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    I have never been particularly close to my maternal grandparents. Despite the fact that my mom raised me almost exclusively, I actually maintained a closer relationship with my paternal extended family, including grandparents. This is mostly because my maternal grandfather was pretty nasty to me when I was a kid, doing ridiculous shit like teasing me relentlessly because my hair was too long, which is just oh-so-healthy for the psyche of a little boy without much positive paternal influence.

    He also pretty much abandoned my mom, brother, and me when we were broke after my dad left. For some reason, despite being quite wealthy and perfectly willing to basically support my mom's younger slack-ass siblings well into adulthood, he did exceedingly little to help my mom while she put herself through college and raised two kids.

    There's also a lot of bad blood between my mom's family and my dad's, especially from mom's to my dad's, and my mom's side has never been shy about making me feel like I'm from lesser G stock. He has been much, much more generous with my cousins than with me.

    He also doesn't really do much to foster a relationship. It has probably been a decade since he called me.

    So, in light of all of this, I'm not exactly champing at the bit to have a super-close relationship with my grandfather. To his credit, he has mellowed with age and become kinder and more generous, but, still, that doesn't exactly erase the shitty stuff or excuse his lack of remorse. The problem is, my mom is very close to him, and that whole side of the family holds him in bizarrely high regard. This means my relative ambivalence is very obvious. Well, this morning, I got an upset email from my mom asking why I'm not closer to him and don't call. He apparently asks about my family and me all the time, and smuymy mom doesn't understand while y I don't seek a stronger relationship with him.
    WTF am I supposed to say? This is her father, whom she thinks is a great man. I can't exactly tell her the truth, but I have no clue what I can say that doesn't sound trite and make me look like I'm aloof for no good reason.
     
  8. zarathustra

    zarathustra Well-Known Member

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    Oy. First, I would tell her that you are not doing this over email. Second, a lot depends on what your relationship with your Mom is.

    When I moved out of the house and perhaps more so after college, I did not mince words or reserve myself or my feelings with my family. I found sugar coating and dancing around the issue never worked. Even after everything, I am glad I didn't. But that was my gig and I understand it doesn't work for everyone.

    I do think that you do have to walk a tight line here b/c your mom is close to him. I think you can explain that the hurtful things said throughout the years and being made to feel like a second class family member in comparison to the cuzs (and potentially that he wasn't there when your mom was on her own) are things that have bothered you and with which you have lived with for years (and to an extent shaped who you are today). You have made a great life without having him in it and you are concerned that without him having a come to jesus moment and sincerely apologizing to have a genuine relationship, your involvement on a greater level will do no good for no one for obvi reasons.

    Edit: You can also mention that the phone works both ways.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2014
  9. Harold falcon

    Harold falcon Well-Known Member

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  10. ethanm

    ethanm Well-Known Member

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    Where are you supposed to go to find out what's wrong with a website when the website is Twitter?!
     
  11. zarathustra

    zarathustra Well-Known Member

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    http://downrightnow.com/twitter
     
  12. lawyerdad

    lawyerdad Well-Known Member

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    That's a tough one, man. In an ideal world, you'd be able to have an honest conversation with your mom about it. Not knowing anything about your relationship with your mom, can you say something along the lines of, "Mom, I understand where you're coming from. I respect your relationship with your dad, but you have to understand that my relationship with him is different. I'm an adult now with my own family and a busy life, and I'd appreciate it if you'd respect the choices I make, even if they're not the same ones you would make?"

    Or maybe, "if you hadn't given me that stupid girly haircut when I was a little kid, everything would be just fine now!"

    Edit: somehow I dropped the statement here agreeing with zara's comments about the medium. Definitely don't do it by email, and tell your mom to take it off line. That comment also provides a bit more context for the next sentence:

    A possible incidental benefit -- if your Mom finds initiating an actual conversation about this more difficult than just firing off an email, that might be enough to bring an end to it.

    I'm also wondering whether this is coming from your mom on her own initiative, or whether she is responding to something your grandfather or another relative might have said. If so, it's probably an uncomfortable situation for her to be in as well (even if it's in part of her own making)
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2014
    2 people like this.
  13. lawyerdad

    lawyerdad Well-Known Member

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    double post
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2014
  14. Piobaire

    Piobaire Well-Known Member

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    G, LD gives sage advice. Your mom can probably use a polite reminder you're an adult with your own adult relationships to other people.

    Or you could just tell him the only way you'll talk to him is a copy of his will with you getting a big chunk!

    (LD's advice is probably better).
     
  15. GreenFrog

    GreenFrog Well-Known Member

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    Two things:

    1. the cost to ship / move my shitty ikea furniture (what little I have) is greater than the value of said furniture

    2. sour candy that isn't sour pisses me off
     
  16. acidboy

    acidboy Well-Known Member

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    ouch... good luck with that meng... if you can handle the drama after telling your mom the truth then by all means just say what you feel. if you'd rather not then I suggest an "okay I will try next time around" to shut them up until they complain about it again, maybe next year or so?
     
  17. acidboy

    acidboy Well-Known Member

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    pissing me off... zeh wife
    got agitated last night after telling the acidkids to clean up the mess in the family room and they didn't, and I saw a couple of AA batteries lying around so I threw them away. so acidwife then gets riled up because I'm throwing them away without checking first if they're still okay, and because my mood is affecting everyone's mood and so there we were sort of arguing in front of the acidkids and she was asking me to pick up the batteries from the bin and I certainly would not want to do that and so that kinda ended our night.
    summary: me and the wife fought over double a batteries dammit.
     
  18. Neo_Version 7

    Neo_Version 7 Well-Known Member

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    ^ Make sure to pick up some rechargeable batteries next time you make a trip to the mall, man
     
  19. acidboy

    acidboy Well-Known Member

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    nah. gotta make sure not to forget that I have teh pimp hand.
     
  20. Neo_Version 7

    Neo_Version 7 Well-Known Member

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    Get your Solange on
     
    2 people like this.

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