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Things That Are Bothering You, Got You All Hibbeldy-Jibbeldy, or just downright pissed, RIGHT NOW!

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Bergdorf Goodwill, Feb 7, 2007.

  1. Joffrey

    Joffrey Well-Known Member

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    UNfortunately, I'm probably one of those who's food stinks up the office. Some colleagues always make comments about how my food smells so good (it does to me) and how they always know it's lunch time when I start microwaving my food (not mention it's past 12pm). One I hate the attention and two something tells me they don't appreciate the normally strong flavors. Not that I care since they tend to eat shitty food from our cafeteria or $3 microwave meals.
     
  2. HRoi

    HRoi Well-Known Member

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    Hmmm...American from Miami to South America is much better. Newer planes, better biz class product, etc. and I never thought I would say anything in MIA is better than something else.

    I guess it's because Miami is their SA gateway
     
  3. Douglas

    Douglas Well-Known Member

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    so, this is probably all TMI, but at least it's funny.

    wifey and i have not been as successful conceiving a 2nd time as we were the 1st, so we're running some checks to make sure all the fluid levels are correct.

    this morning i had to jerk off into a cup and get the boys warmly to the clinic inside 45 minutes.

    i had the option to, um, procure the sample at the clinic, but i didn't think i wanted to get into that around strangers. "sir, there is the sample room, there are some visual materials in there to help you out. i'll see you in 10 minutes, or 5, you take your time before coming back out, no pressure, we all know what you'll be doing in there. please be sure to close the door tightly!"

    fortunately the wife agreed to take the kid to school, easing the pressure to meet the deadline (clinic is about 20-25 minutes away) because otherwise I would have had to rush into school with a semen sample inside my shirt (recommended for maintaining proper temp) and past the teacher who has been quite obviously flirting with me all year. (don't get impressed, she's like 15 years older than me.)

    still, of course all weekend we had to refrain from any activity as a period of 2-3 days of abstinence is recommended. wife knew exactly what i was doing when i was like, "umm, ok hon, i've gotta go upstairs, i'll be back." then heading out the door. "have a nice day, kiss kiss, i just jerked off upstairs, i'll see you later!"

    then of course I had to drop it off and there's a young nurse taking the sample from me. I guess this is what she does all day but it's still hard to be blase about handing a young woman a cup of your sperm. Of course then i have to fill out a form that asks, among other things, whether or not i caught the whole load, and if not, what part of the load (beginning or end?) missed the cup. not on the form is the question she asks verbally - "when was this sample taken?"

    "heh heh, like, um, it was really short - um - a short time - 30 minutes ago." did i just say it was really short?

    in the meantime i catch a glimpse of the jerkoff room, it's dark in there and there's a big leather (or faux leather, who knows) easy chair in there. Some magazines on the table next to it but i can't even bring myself to glance at them. i can assume what kind of magazines they are as I'm thinking "fuck, i'm glad i did that at home and not there on the well-worn SS Shooting Blanks."

    ugh, what a humiliating experience all around.
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. Find Finn

    Find Finn Well-Known Member

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    Just be glad you didn't land at Guarulhos, it takes an hour plus to get through customs.
     
  5. HRoi

    HRoi Well-Known Member

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    Dougie, you could have salvaged some win by having the wife collect the sample :teach:
     
  6. Douglas

    Douglas Well-Known Member

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    we had discussed that but the instructions were quite clear that only a HJ would do and outsourcing a HJ is something only a virgin would do.
     
  7. Find Finn

    Find Finn Well-Known Member

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    Or thrown the sample on to, the face of the young woman.
     
  8. LawrenceMD

    LawrenceMD Well-Known Member

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    so I guess you're out of No Fap November IV?
     
  9. aravenel

    aravenel Well-Known Member

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  10. Douglas

    Douglas Well-Known Member

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    by the way, if i hear another person talking about deep-frying their turkey, i am going to scream.
     
  11. MrG

    MrG Well-Known Member

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    Douglas, that story is fantastic. Thank you for sharing your pain for our amusement.

    Also, here's hoping everything's alright, and you're sent home with a prescription for daily "trying."
     
  12. MrGimpy

    MrGimpy Well-Known Member

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    We went through a similar process a couple years ago. Rather than dealing with the logistical hassle of transporting the sample, I made a lunchtime appointment to drop by the clinic.

    Yeah, it's a bit weird being handed an empty cup and a tray of DVDs, but that kind of thing doesn't bother me anymore and the clinic was very clean and professional. It's an odd feeling to lock your computer, step out of the office, and head up the street to fire one out, but it beats the usual lunch break.
     
  13. GreenFrog

    GreenFrog Well-Known Member

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    I just jacked off to Douglas' jack off poast.

    Just failed no fap November! :fu:
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2013
  14. gomestar

    gomestar Well-Known Member

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    "hey Randy, guess what I did during lunch today..."
     
  15. L'Incandescent

    L'Incandescent Well-Known Member

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    There are some people who masturbate their own bodies for no scientific purpose at all (no knowledge of particles acquired). Now that's what pisses me off.
     
  16. MrGimpy

    MrGimpy Well-Known Member

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    Do you need a doctor's note for that?
     
  17. HRoi

    HRoi Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like a better use of one's lunchtime than anything I've done all month
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2013
  18. lawyerdad

    lawyerdad Well-Known Member

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    I've found that to be common with those kiosks and on-line check in on international flights. I always assumed it was because of the need to verify passports, etc.
     
  19. ImaPro

    ImaPro Well-Known Member

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    Being asked a 'favor' on anything computer related and people being like "It should be easy for you" or "You know this stuff". Yes I can figure it out but its a pain in the ass to do unless you have the right software.
     
  20. otc

    otc Well-Known Member

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    Do they make you do it with no lube? I thought I saw something like that when reading about the sperm donor places and that's no fun with no foreskin.


    Hmm...maybe its time to get some fertility testing just in case.
     

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