The parenting thread

[HgaleK]

 

[globetrotter]

ok, so another what would you do question


there is a girl in my girls' class that is a holy terror, not just your normal badly behaved kid, the type of kid that every other kid hates. she has hit or bitten every kid in the class, she has broken people's stuff, she teases the other kids, etc. in any situation where she is with other kids from the class, the situation explodes into crying kids. one of my girls literally didn't want to go to school for a period of weeks because of this kid. but it isn't just my kids.

the other thing is that the parents are just horrible, they don't understand that this isn't normal, and they haven't really tried to address the issue. they are a little younger, and pretty clueless about a lot of stuff, but they are totally oblivious to the problem.

anyway, over the course of the year, the other mothers, inlcuding my wife, have stopped including the girl and her mother in play dates and various things. today, 3 mothers decided to have a picknick on the beach after school. the other mother asked them each specifically if they wanted to do something with her, and they each sort of mumbled something, basically trying to ignore her.

so I joined the 3 mothers and the daughers for the picknick today, and the mother of the bad kid and the bad kid show up, by chance, at the same beach playground. it was really awkward.


now my wife is feeling really bad over the thing, and is contemplating sending an email basicaly saying "ok, sorry about that, but you have to understand that your kid is a problem, you will be starting a new school in the fall, maybe you want to spend the summer working on your kids social skills and getting her ready for the new school".

my wife posted this on UB, and she was torn appart - the UB mom's think that she is a reincarnation of hitler, basically.

what do you think?

 

[zissou]

I think it's perfectly fine to not include the problem kid. There are some problem kids in my daughter's class, and she'll be a good sport about including all the kids in, say, a birthday party. But, if it's day to day stuff outside school, I don't think there's any reason to include kids with whom my daughter is not actually friends.

 

[Thomas]



(...)
now my wife is feeling really bad over the thing, and is contemplating sending an email basically saying "ok, sorry about that, but you have to understand that your kid is a problem, you will be starting a new school in the fall, maybe you want to spend the summer working on your kids social skills and getting her ready for the new school".
my wife posted this on UB, and she was torn apart - the UB mom's think that she is a reincarnation of hitler, basically.
what do you think?

Tough situation. I'm of two minds here (and I am by no means an expert).

On the one hand, I've known a few kids that I just do not want my son to be around, and we herd them off pretty quickly. I have the right to control access to my son. Period. And I have zero obligation to tell people how to raise their kids.

On the other hand, if my son is not 'fitting in', then I want to know what needs to change so that my son does not become/remain an outcast. That, though, requires a degree of self-awareness that the problem parents don't seem to have...and I'm not sure that one person speaking up will make a difference. A chorus of voices might, maybe...but that's a very hard call to make, especially when you consider that you're asking three people to adjust some fundamental behaviors.

 

[acidboy]

ooh... tough one indeed. I think mrs. gt shouldn't grieve over excluding her, as it was a collective decision, right? and its not like a school thing, its just 3 moms and their kids. besides, imo explaining would only feed on whatever self-entitlement that f'd up mom and his imbalanced kid have so I say move on.

 

[acidboy]



On the other hand, if my son is not 'fitting in', then I want to know what needs to change so that my son does not become/remain an outcast. That, though, requires a degree of self-awareness that the problem parents don't seem to have...and I'm not sure that one person speaking up will make a difference. A chorus of voices might, maybe...but that's a very hard call to make, especially when you consider that you're asking three people to adjust some fundamental behaviors.

totally plus, a million. self-awareness is the key. if the parents of that kid isn't the least aware of whats wrong with her, then god bless her, she needs outside help.

 

[aj_del]

No really a parenting q, rather which would a better place to raise my kid.

I love in a row housing type of setup in Delhi, India, something like a townhouse. Lots of problems such as it is a densely populated area with lots of traffic. Our plot size is 300 sqyrds/250 sq mtrs and because the the prices in Delhi are now so high that out of the 16 houses in our row, 14 have been converted into floors meaning that 4 separate dwelling units exist on each 300 sq yds plot stretching the existing infrastructure.

Me, my wife and my mother are all tired of the traffic, lack of water supply (it comes for around 3 hours a day) at our current place so we all want to move to my 'farmhouse' which is basically a 5000 mtrs lot in a posh area. Zero traffic and free flowing water from own borewell. Much better lifestyle.

But, my 5 yr old son would be all alone. There would be no local park or sports complex. Basically to go anywhere he would require a dedicated car and driver. But even nowadays he hardly has time to go out since he gets back from school at 5 and has to leave at 6.50 in the morning. So, evenings are very rushed for him in order to get him to sleep at 8-8.15.

Too much rambling, it is already in TL DNR territory.

Any thoughts ....

 

[globetrotter]



No really a parenting q, rather which would a better place to raise my kid.
I love in a row housing type of setup in Delhi, India, something like a townhouse. Lots of problems such as it is a densely populated area with lots of traffic. Our plot size is 300 sqyrds/250 sq mtrs and because the the prices in Delhi are now so high that out of the 16 houses in our row, 14 have been converted into floors meaning that 4 separate dwelling units exist on each 300 sq yds plot stretching the existing infrastructure.
Me, my wife and my mother are all tired of the traffic, lack of water supply (it comes for around 3 hours a day) at our current place so we all want to move to my 'farmhouse' which is basically a 5000 mtrs lot in a posh area. Zero traffic and free flowing water from own borewell. Much better lifestyle.
But, my 5 yr old son would be all alone. There would be no local park or sports complex. Basically to go anywhere he would require a dedicated car and driver. But even nowadays he hardly has time to go out since he gets back from school at 5 and has to leave at 6.50 in the morning. So, evenings are very rushed for him in order to get him to sleep at 8-8.15.
Too much rambling, it is already in TL DNR territory.
Any thoughts ....

this is really a rough one. I can see exaclty why you want to move. is this the "farm house" areas around Gourgain? could you set up a structured playdate session every week with somebody, even if it meant driving your son someplace? my kids don't see any friends from when they get home after school activities until the next day, also, but we do have playdates scheduled on the weekends and every now and again during the week.

good luck

 

[Neo_Version 7]

Make sure to have a computer with wi-fi and a PS3 if all else fails.

 

[Joffrey]

Take the nicer area. He can see his friends on weekends.

 

[Alter]

I would also move to the nicer area. He gets time with his friends/peers at school and, as Globe suggests, you can set up some playdates for the weekends. Is it possible to set him up for some sort of sport or hobby he can do with kids his age...swimming lessons, martial arts, or something...that he can go to one or two evenings a week? Also at the bigger place maybe you and your wife would think of having another child? That would be good for child #1 also.

 

[acidboy]

I grew up an hour away from school, and obviously I don't see my friends at all as a kid... even in high school I had to take a bus and other modes of transport just to hang out. I did have family members to play with once in a while, and also my toys and books.... .. your kid will be fine.

 

[Alter]



I grew up an hour away from school, and obviously I don't see my friends at all as a kid... even in high school I had to take a bus and other modes of transport just to hang out. I did have family members to play with once in a while, and also my toys and books.... .. your kid will be fine.

Are you trying to lead us to believe that you are "fine"?

 

[acidboy]

no. I'm just trying to convince myself that I am.

 

[lasbar]



as long as the ignorant arent breeding....

If only it was the case..