1. Welcome to the new Styleforum!

    We hope you’re as excited as we are to hang out in the new place. There are more new features that we’ll announce in the near future, but for now we hope you’ll enjoy the new site.

    We are currently fine-tuning the forum for your browsing pleasure, so bear with any lingering dust as we work to make Styleforum even more awesome than it was.

    Oh, and don’t forget to head over to the Styleforum Journal, because we’re giving away two pairs of Carmina shoes to celebrate our move!

    Please address any questions about using the new forum to support@styleforum.net

    Cheers,

    The Styleforum Team

    Dismiss Notice

People with kids - do you regret it?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Macallan9, Sep 19, 2012.

  1. Macallan9

    Macallan9 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    789
    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2009
    It's always seemed to me that about 1/3 of all parents I meet seem to regret having them (never admit it, of course). I imagine that they still love them, of course, but also wish they had the freedom that you get with no kids. I'm hoping the anonymity of the interwebs might give me some honest insights into it. Do you ever wish you didn't have kids?




    Personal context: The girl I've been seeing/sleeping with has said she would not get an abortion if she became pregnant, and I've been thinking about what ifs. The thing is, if I were going to have a kid, I can't imagine a much better partner. I just don't feel ready to have a child yet.

    And if we didn't have kids, we'd have a lot of disposable income (we're both doing pretty well financially) and time that just wouldn't be there with children. I'm just envisioning trips all over the world every year, doing whatever we can imagine, matching Bugattis, and bespoke shower curtains and shit. That just sounds more interesting than raising a kid, that I would probably have to disown for getting a 98% on his SAT anyway. But that's my view right now (age 28, shes 31) and I'd like to hear if people's views on this have changed or not.

    And to head off the SF bro advice- yes, I strap it up, I keep the condoms and bring them. Nor is she the type to do the accidental on purpose "whoops I got pregnant" thing anyway.
     
  2. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    20,605
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2004
    Location:
    greater chicago
    I don't regret my kids, at all. but I waited until I found the right woman, and until I was 35, with a good solid career. basically, I had my life before I had kids. my life now is about 1/10nth as much about me enjoying myself, and the rest about raising my kids right. but I don't regret that, at all.

    my dad had his first kid, by accident, at 17, and he ended up fucking up a whole bunch of lives over it. so it is all relative
     
  3. Thomas

    Thomas Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    29,119
    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2006
    Location:
    Texas
    I regret a few decisions I made regarding the kids, but do I regret having them? No.

    One of the regrets I do have is that I didn't do all the things I wanted to do when I was younger and had more freedom. Now I kinda have to work a bit harder to get where I want to go.
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. Macallan9

    Macallan9 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    789
    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2009
    If you never had them, do you think you'd be happy still? AKA what do you think a life without kids would've been like?
     
  5. norcaltransplant

    norcaltransplant Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,408
    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2003
    Location:
    NYC/Brooklyn
    I'm interested in this thread.
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. MrG

    MrG Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    12,173
    Joined:
    May 25, 2008
    Location:
    On This Lonely Road, Tryin' to Make it Home
    I'd be lying if I said there aren't things I miss about not being a parent, but I definitely don't regret having a kid. Life got considerably more complicated when LowerCaseG came along, and I gave up considerable freedom, but being a father has been incredibly rewarding. It's also really fascinating.

    I will say that I'm very glad MrsG and I waited until we were both as ready as we could possibly be before having a child (note the emphasis on "both," because she was ready long before I was). It has been a wonderful experience, but it's also stressful and hard, even under the best of circumstances. By doing our best to be prepared, I feel like we positioned ourselves to be good, conscientious, parents and protected our marriage from weakening from the new challenges parenthood presented.
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. akatsuki

    akatsuki Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,648
    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2008
    Location:
    Brooklyn, SF, Tokyo
    I regret not having kids earlier in life. Love being a parent, but there are definitely trade-offs.
     
  8. Geoffrey Firmin

    Geoffrey Firmin Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,993
    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2010
    Location:
    South West of the Black Stump
    My son is 18 and has discovered hangovers, the legal drinking age in Oz is 18.

    He does not come home drunk but stays at a mates place then comes home and inflicts his woes upon us.

    So at present Yes I do regret having children who are stupid ego centric megalomaniacs with attitude.

    Aside from the current circumstances I would not have missed being a parent I think it enabled me to grow as a person in ways I would not have known had the wife remained childless.

    I love my son immensely, its just the current attitude I can't cope with.
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2012
  9. acidboy

    acidboy Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    21,170
    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2006
    we didn't have kids right away, our first was 2 years into the marriage and the 2nd was when our firstborn was already 5 yo. I have never ever regret having kids, as a matter of fact I'm still gunning for a 3rd one. if anything, I like this fatherhood thing, and my two girls are wonderful and fun to be with.

    of course, they're not yet in their teens so I might change my mind soon :)
     
  10. GusW

    GusW Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    19,128
    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2007
    I was married at 28 had a child at 33. That gave me plenty of time to do things sans kids, get established and my career well underway. Once my son was born, I continued to travel extensively and simply took him along with my wife and sometimes a grandmother or sitter to care for him during the day if it was a business trip. I had a lot of fun taking him all over the US and Europe. Taking a child around major cities does take some additional effort but it also allows you to see things differently, and most often for the better.

    Eventually, kids have commitments and can't travel, except during school vacations. But, one day they leave home and guess what? You can sleep in, go to Tahiti, have parties, take up crazy hobbies or do whatever else you want.

    Most of the people I've known who have had a hard time with kids are couples who were career driven early on and waited to have kids until their early 40's. It was tough because 1) their lifestyle was firmly established making it harder to adjust and 2) they were always the oldest parent in the room, at back to school night, when kids got together to play, etc. A few people can handle that but not many.

    At 28, I was terrified by the idea of having kids. I came around and I have never ever regretted it. In fact I wish I had a few more.
     
    1 person likes this.
  11. HansderHund

    HansderHund Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,162
    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2011
    Location:
    Austria
    My wife and I don't have kids and it's only recently that we've talked about them with enthusiasm. The fact that I was far less interested only a couple of years ago tells me that maybe it's something that you naturally grow into (or not). When we're doing something fun, such as an extended holiday or staying out late, it often occurs to me that it wouldn't happen or it would be modified if/when we have children. I also assume that there are rewards that I haven't thought of that will be a trade off to giving up certain things I like presently. Disposable income will go more in the direction of children, for example, but certainly there will be some sort of intangible reward to doing that.

    I think it's also perfectly fine for me to admit that I generally don't like other people's children. I've occasionally gotten odd looks from others (I only really admit it to childless people) when I say this, but I see nothing inherently wrong with it. I am not nearly as amused by your kids as you likely are. I cringe at your child being sick, destroying things or being loud because they aren't mine. It is the same with dogs. I really enjoy my dog because I chose to have it and educate (train) him. I know his particular habits and oddities. I may not like your dog. It may be because your dog is dirty or annoying. There's nothing wrong with that.

    ^^ No offense intended for the comparison of dogs v. children.
     
  12. NORE

    NORE Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,495
    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2010
    Location:
    Back On Here
    I can't imagine life without children. They are a precious gift.
     
    1 person likes this.
  13. Mr Melanzane

    Mr Melanzane Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    170
    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2012
    Location:
    Italia
    I'm with B. Hicks.

    Can be argued not having kids is selfish and that having them is selfish (more commonly argued).
     
  14. CDFS

    CDFS Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,048
    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2008
    Location:
    Ljouwert
    It's only been less than a year, but I don't regret it at all. Getting to know the person he is becoming is a great experience. Being, or trying to be, good parents is rewarding. I also appreciate his mother more than before by watching her interact with him. There are drawbacks, of course. Money is thighter than it would have otherwise been. Time is thighter still. For instance, being sick (flue, fever, norro, etc.) is no longer as 'fun' as I remember. No longer can I enjoy my own missery for a couple of days while in the meantime catch up with reading and watch some TV. There's always something to do.

    We smile a lot, though.


    By the way, I don't think I dislike other people's children as HderH does, but I do think their presence is death to all social events except children's birthday parties. I've mellowed on this though, and in the last couple of years more and more of my friends got children and they have some cool kids. The best time to have kids, then, is when you're already surrounded by them, anyway.:)
     
  15. NorCal

    NorCal Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    8,419
    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2007
    Love having kids, wish I had started earlier, plan on having a more (God willing).
    Honestly, matching bespoke shower curtains and stupid cars sound boring. Kids are way more fun.
     
  16. HansderHund

    HansderHund Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,162
    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2011
    Location:
    Austria
    

    You hit on something that I've often considered. I am terrible when I'm sick. I realize that most people aren't fun to be around when they're sick, but I truly feel like I'm entirely immobile. My wife gets this and knows how to manage me. I'm a bit worried when kids pop into the picture and I imagine a scene where I'm attempting to care for children while I'm sick. I may be a bit self-centered in this respect. My wife and I were sick at the same time last year for the first time that I remember. It was the coldest week of the winter and I can remember having to take the dog out for walks. He tolerated our illness and understood to a degree, but it still haunts me. << Definitely some room to improve in this aspect of my life. :)

    As far as not liking others' children, I can't really defend it. I tolerate them and I know two kids whose company I do enjoy, though they're 13 and 15 by now. I have to say that being around teenagers makes me feel both old and guilty. Old as their thoughts/ideas remind me of how I was and guilty for putting my parents through the hell of teenage years.

    I can say that I have a huge amount of respect for polite children. Whenever a child says something nice or behaves well in public, I want to shower the parents with gifts. I understand how hard it must be to instill these behaviors in children/teenagers and I can say that from my point of view, the payoff is huge!
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2012
  17. FLMountainMan

    FLMountainMan Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    13,923
    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Location:
    McAnally Flats
    I wonder what my generation and younger are going to do in middle age. I have a bunch of friends who are dual-income, no children, atheist couples who are not involved in charity, and not all that inspired by their work. I couldn't live my life without some sort of purpose, be it through religion, children, charity, or an inspiring job. If you don't have any of those, I wonder what life is going to be like when you're fifty.
     
  18. Piobaire

    Piobaire Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    50,191
    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2006
    Location:
    In My Douchemobile
    

    Not fifty yet but can see it on the horizon. If it all plays out I'm going to say 50 with none of those things listed will be just like it is now, i.e. not bad. YMMV.
     
  19. munchausen

    munchausen Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    8,189
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    My kid was born when I was 23, and I was totally not ready. I've been to hell and back for her and never once regretted it.
     
  20. GQgeek

    GQgeek Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    17,933
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2002
    Location:
    Canuckistan
    

    50 is the least of your problems. At 50, you're still working, relatively fit, have tons of things to occupy your time and if you've done things right, hopefully a fair amount of disposable income. I met a German couple in the patagonia region of argentina that had vistited over 100 countries together. They were 65 and very active. A few years earlier they had done a 6 week hike through Nepal with a yak.

    It's later that I think you probably NEED kids more. My grandparents regularly get help from their grandkids for various things. They have regular company to keep them occupied, otherwise they just sleep and watch tv a lot. I enjoy my solitude but I couldn't imagine doing the stretch from 70-90 having nobody but a wife (assuming not divorced).

    And when you're dying, which could be quick or have you in the hospital months or more? Definitely nice to have family around.

    The whole having kids thing is a rather selfish act, when you think about it, even if they're a drain on your resources.
     

Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by