1. Welcome to the new Styleforum!

    We hope you’re as excited as we are to hang out in the new place. There are more new features that we’ll announce in the near future, but for now we hope you’ll enjoy the new site.

    We are currently fine-tuning the forum for your browsing pleasure, so bear with any lingering dust as we work to make Styleforum even more awesome than it was.

    Oh, and don’t forget to head over to the Styleforum Journal, because we’re giving away two pairs of Carmina shoes to celebrate our move!

    Please address any questions about using the new forum to support@styleforum.net

    Cheers,

    The Styleforum Team

    Dismiss Notice

Out of your league?

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by CTGuy, Jan 22, 2007.

  1. visionology

    visionology Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,698
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    Location:
    CT
    If there is anything I have learned in my travels it is that no one, no matter how attractive or seemingly godly they are, are necessarily out of your league. I think when you put a person on a pedestal you tend to psyche yourself out and you need to get over the whole pedestal thing.

    Here are a couple examples from my own past:

    In high school I was a very shy, awkward child, who came from a class of 8 students in a catholic grade school to a large public high school and it threw me for a loop. When I was a junior I noticed a beautiful girl who was a sophomore and immediately thought she was way out of my league. I found out that every guy was in love with her later. Well she was in the Math class I was in, the period after, and one day I held a team meeting with my balls and decided to approach her and it led to us being friends and then more for a while. She is still gorgeous to this day.

    More recently as another example after I broke up with a long term girlfriend. Afterwards me and a friend hit a danceclub and immediately I saw this gorgeous girl and her friend standing on the side just dancing by themselves. I poked my friend and pointed at her and he said "she is way out of your league". I said I'm going over there and I struck up a conversation and we hit it off. She liked that I had enough guts to approach her and say something instead of just trying to come up and grind on her.
     
  2. drizzt3117

    drizzt3117 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    13,141
    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Location:
    Orange County, CA
    I think there's two separate issues here.

    First of all, there's the approachability/casual dating/fling league issue, and then there's the suitability for long term relationship league.

    I would agree that it's certainly possible to have a casual relationship with someone that is not in your "league" depending on how you define that, but I think that having a long term relationship with someone that is not at your "level" incurs additional challenges. So far it hasn't worked for me, obviously YMMV.
     
  3. jpeirpont

    jpeirpont Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,983
    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2004
    Location:
    Negrolandia
    I agree. I've found recently that it's a bit difficult to date outside of your social level over an extended period of time. I personally have seen some cultural issues develop and guess I still don't understand how many people make cross-cultural relationships work. Any insight from those people who have been involved in them successfully would be interesting to me.

    I have the opposite experience. Though I don't identify fully with a specific socio economic group. But I for some reason cannot, not matter the level of attractiveness or class, attract a Black American women ( until my most recent girlfriend) for the life of me. Being that I ,strongly, identify myself as Black American, its weird and sometimes agitating. But, Jamaicans, West Indians and Africans (mainly Ghanaians and Nigerians, seem to not be able to get enough of me. Every relationship I've been in save my most recent has been to with a West African, or West Indian.
     
  4. drizzt3117

    drizzt3117 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    13,141
    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Location:
    Orange County, CA
    I have the opposite experience. Though I don't identify fully with a specific socio economic group. But I for some reason cannot, not matter the level of attractiveness or class, attract a Black American women ( until my most recent girlfriend) for the life of me. Being that I ,strongly, identify myself as Black American, its weird and sometimes agitating. But, Jamaicans, West Indians and Africans (mainly Ghanaians and Nigerians, seem to not be able to get enough of me. Every relationship I've been in save my most recent has been to with a West African, or West Indian.

    I don't disagree that attraction is an unusual thing and there is certainly no accounting for taste but my point was more in terms of long-term relationships and making them work. I just find it more likely that people from the same socioeconomic (and racial/ethnic/cultural group) are more likely to have similar values.
     
  5. seanchai

    seanchai Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    948
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    I grew up a nerd who was afraid of girls. A few years ago, I changed some things, moved overseas, figured out the things that make me unique and played them up, and developed a personality that has value to people. Then I decided I was cool. Since then, I haven't yet met someone that I consider out of my league.

    I think it's impossible to keep a girl that's "out of your league" if that's what you believe about her. Maybe I'll write more later.
     
  6. imageWIS

    imageWIS Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    20,008
    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2004
    Location:
    New York City / Buenos Aires
    my wife comes from a culture that is very different from mine - and yet both western. it is a constant struggle, not so much to keep the relationship healthy, but when our famileis get involved, or when major issues come up. It involves a lot of give and take, which I think is the key to all relationships.
    Haven’t you made it clear to your mother-in-law that you can make her disappear in the desert, and it’s not idle talk, yet? [​IMG] Jon.
     
  7. dkzzzz

    dkzzzz Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,360
    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2006
    Location:
    Hoboken
    There are 2 different out of your league situations:

    She is too gorgeous , she is OOML.

    She is too wealthy, waspy, you name it, she is OOML.

    First is usually all in your head.
    Second is usually very very true and could rarely be overcome.
     
  8. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    20,605
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2004
    Location:
    greater chicago
    Haven't you made it clear to your mother-in-law that you can make her disappear in the desert, and it's not idle talk, yet? [​IMG]

    Jon.



    that's the best life insurance my mother in law can have - if anything ever happened to her, there would be no doubt in anybodies mind what happened. no matter how little physical evidence.
     
  9. LARon

    LARon Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,188
    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2006
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    There are 2 different out of your league situations:

    She is too gorgeous , she is OOML.

    She is too wealthy, waspy, you name it, she is OOML.

    First is usually all in your head.
    Second is usually very very true and could rarely be overcome.


    I think this is really an echo of drizz's point, and kind of reaches the same conclusion, namely: the acculturation issues (i.e., upbringing, lifestyle, values) are far more difficult to surmount in the long run than the superficial/temporal ones, i.e., looks, infatuation etc.

    There may be exceptions, as there always are, but in the main I agree with these guys.
     
  10. JetBlast

    JetBlast Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,880
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2007
    Location:
    Los Angeles / London
    Oh yes, I know exactly how the OP feels. Some of you who posted in my other thread know this [​IMG]

    I have met an amazing senior girl this year that I am very interested in, but I am a sophomore. That's a problem! However I am giving it a shot and so far things have been okay. She said before that she liked me back, so that is a start!

    Brian
     
  11. cmrocks

    cmrocks Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    639
    Joined:
    May 3, 2006
    Location:
    Vancouver, BC
    I personally have seen some cultural issues develop and guess I still don't understand how many people make cross-cultural relationships work.

    I've run across a few cultural issues in my current relationship. My girlfriend right now is Latin American; born and partialy raised in the Dominican and then she spent her middle and high school years in Mexico City. The cultural issue hasn't really been a huge issue but it has come up a few times. Her expectations of how I treat her and what I do for her is quite a bit more demanding than any Canadian girl I've ever dated. At the same time, she has rewarded me for that with an unbelievable amount of affection. Another issue that has come up is her overly flirty nature. She has told me, as well as my other latin friends, that this is pretty normal. She is extremely touchy and out-going towards almost everyone and I will say that it has made me jealous more than a few times.
     
  12. sho'nuff

    sho'nuff Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    22,225
    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2006
    Location:
    Irvine
    I haven't really had this experience since high school when I was a lot less confident and more socially awkward.

    Keep in mind here that I have a serious relationship with a beautiful girl- so this reflection is merely speculation based on a recent encounter.

    why you have to keep Reminding us this disclaimer as if afraid we will think you as not the cool guy you are?

    i think you cool whether you have experienced or not. we are not superman. i admit to women being out of my league all the time.

    i am married to one.
     
  13. imageWIS

    imageWIS Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    20,008
    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2004
    Location:
    New York City / Buenos Aires
    The only people out of my league are other cyclist that out class me...other than that, no woman is out of my league, because it all depends what "˜league' you are talking about.

    Jon.
     
  14. Histrion

    Histrion Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    636
    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2006
    Oh yes, I know exactly how the OP feels. Some of you who posted in my other thread know this [​IMG] I have met an amazing senior girl this year that I am very interested in, but I am a sophomore. That's a problem! However I am giving it a shot and so far things have been okay. She said before that she liked me back, so that is a start! Brian
    Okay, look, that has been beaten to death, but there's one thing you just don't get and that should be made very clear: when she said that she liked you, that wasn't a start, that was the end!! Clear enough? edit: forgot words, shouldn't write while on phone.
     
  15. CTGuy

    CTGuy Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,459
    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2002
    Location:
    Boston/Houston
    why you have to keep Reminding us this disclaimer as if afraid we will think you as not the cool guy you are?

    i think you cool whether you have experienced or not. we are not superman. i admit to women being out of my league all the time.

    i am married to one.


    What??? Reminding you? I don't even really post frequently so, I am not sure why you would believe that I "reminding you".

    I'm glad you think I am a cool guy, but seriously- none of us really know each other and to be honest-- I am not that into impressing people on the internet with claims about my personal life.

    I mentioned my relationship status and the fact that this isn't some kind of constant anxiety of mine in order to frame the discussion I hoped to elicit. I was not looking for "advice" and hoped to make that intention clear. I think so far the responses have reflected an understanding of what I was getting at- simply- do you sometimes feel that people are "out of your league" or are you someone who believes everyone is a possibility, etc.

    The replies have been interesting. The girl that is the client actually gave me one of these, "Do I know you from someplace?" things, which my older brother and his GF remarked clearly meant she was trying to flirt with me or something-- I don't know about that to be honest, but whatever, that is what got me thinking about this whole thing.
     
  16. imageWIS

    imageWIS Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    20,008
    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2004
    Location:
    New York City / Buenos Aires
    Okay, look, that has been beaten to death, but there's one thing you just don't and that should be made very clear: when she said that she liked you, wasn't a start, that was the end!!

    Clear enough?


    Exactly.

    Jon.
     
  17. JetBlast

    JetBlast Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,880
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2007
    Location:
    Los Angeles / London
    Is it not ok for me to add my own input here without having people jump all over me for previous mistakes? I'm just saying, I know what the OP is going through because it is happening to me. That's all I was trying to point out.

    End of story.

    Brian
     
  18. GQgeek

    GQgeek Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    17,933
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2002
    Location:
    Canuckistan
    What??? Reminding you? I don't even really post frequently so, I am not sure why you would believe that I "reminding you".

    I'm glad you think I am a cool guy, but seriously- none of us really know each other and to be honest-- I am not that into impressing people on the internet with claims about my personal life.

    I mentioned my relationship status and the fact that this isn't some kind of constant anxiety of mine in order to frame the discussion I hoped to elicit. I was not looking for "advice" and hoped to make that intention clear. I think so far the responses have reflected an understanding of what I was getting at- simply- do you sometimes feel that people are "out of your league" or are you someone who believes everyone is a possibility, etc.

    The replies have been interesting. The girl that is the client actually gave me one of these, "Do I know you from someplace?" things, which my older brother and his GF remarked clearly meant she was trying to flirt with me or something-- I don't know about that to be honest, but whatever, that is what got me thinking about this whole thing.


    So give it a shot... She could be your mistress and then you'd definitely be cool in our eyes!
     
  19. sygyzy

    sygyzy Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,552
    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2006
    I completely believe in OOML but moreso, out of my class and that's not always an insult to yourself. For example, say you meet a girl who's a big partier and you're not. You think you are perfectly "good enough" for her, but her lifestyle and perhaps social class and even looks might not jive with yours.

    I think it's very misleading and a little bit cruel to be so positive when giving advice to people. The whole "looks are just skin deep" and "nobody is out of your league, bro" talk doesn't help anyone.
     
  20. LARon

    LARon Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,188
    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2006
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    I completely believe in OOML but moreso, out of my class and that's not always an insult to yourself. For example, say you meet a girl who's a big partier and you're not. You think you are perfectly "good enough" for her, but her lifestyle and perhaps social class and even looks might not jive with yours.

    I think it's very misleading and a little bit cruel to be so positive when giving advice to people. The whole "looks are just skin deep" and "nobody is out of your league, bro" talk doesn't help anyone.


    +1
     

Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by