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On suicide

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by MarkI, Mar 28, 2012.

  1. Steve B.

    Steve B. Well-Known Member

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    1 in 4 bipolars kill themselves.

    It takes a long time to recognize, much less deal with, the black dog.

    Most psychs will tell you it gets worse with age.
     
  2. lasbar

    lasbar Well-Known Member

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    Bipolar is a very difficult illness to treat or deal with...

    Churchill called it the black dog , I personally prefer the Russian mountains metaphor ...

    It's a disease misunderstood by most people and treated by most sufferers with denial..

    We all love the ups , I'm talking of hypomanic episodes , and we all hate the very lows...

    We all receive during our lifetime dozens of chemical combinations and they're like relationships to us...

    We never know which one is the best for us and for how long...

    Between the pop-outs , withdrawal, denial, depressive episodes , hypomania or mania , you realize at some point of clarity your life is actually directed by chemical agents and doctors...

    Some cannot deal with it...
     
  3. blukoi

    blukoi Member

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    My best friend tried to kill himself two years ago. I wish he'd come to me instead of trying to end it.
     
  4. Steve B.

    Steve B. Well-Known Member

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  5. acidboy

    acidboy Well-Known Member

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    ^ wonder what made him do it?
     
  6. edinatlanta

    edinatlanta Well-Known Member

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    So I am sure I know someone who killed themselves, but I can't think of it at the moment.

    The one thing I kinda haven't told anyone about is that for basically the last two years, every time I went to bad, and every time I woke up I thought about killing myself. And not just like, a fleeting thought, like I thought about where I'd do it, how, everything for a good minute or two and it was basically uncontrollable. If I was lucid at night it would just pop into my head. And then all of a sudden it just stopped a few weeks ago.

    Its kinda scared me pretty hard. Dunno what to do about it or anything.
     
  7. acidboy

    acidboy Well-Known Member

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    you still have this, ed? hope you snap the fuck out of it.
     
  8. ConcernedParent

    ConcernedParent Well-Known Member

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    It's finals week here and somebody just jumped off a residence hall in the complex I live in...

    It was surreal seeing the police curtail it off and bring in a body bag. :eek:
     
  9. NAMOR

    NAMOR Well-Known Member

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    i was fortunate to enough study at Berk for one semester during my junior year. sure enough, the chick above my room was found hanging by the neck from her ceiling fan. sad
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2012
  10. Joffrey

    Joffrey Well-Known Member

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    You call a cab instead of calling 911? :crazy:
     
  11. texas_jack

    texas_jack Well-Known Member

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    Tell your doctor, they can help you with this. Do it today.
     
  12. MrG

    MrG Well-Known Member

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    +1

    This isn't ok, Ed. Everyone has bad stretches, but you're talking about suicidal ideation, and that's not good at all. You need to talk to someone.
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2012
  13. handsolo

    handsolo Active Member

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    If you're just being philosophical about suicide then read Albert Camus The Myth of Sisyphus. Camus thought that the question of whether or not to off one's self was the most important philosophical question a man can ask.

    If you're truly wondering whether life is worth living then you should talk to a doctor or other mental health pro. No shame in it at all.
     
  14. edinatlanta

    edinatlanta Well-Known Member

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    Thanks dudes. As I said, it just all of a sudden stopped. Like its really weird and... I dunno what that means. Also, making it stranger is I was like "OK I've had enough, I'm going to go talk to someone next week" (after I got paid) and then... it stopped.
     
  15. Imhoff

    Imhoff Well-Known Member

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    **Edit** Will make a proper post.... not multiple posts.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2012
  16. rach2jlc

    rach2jlc Well-Known Member

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    +2. I don't know what I expected clicking on the thread; I guess a mildly philosophical discussion of the Durkheim book? I dunno...


    I agree with the second part over the first. If you're just having some existential blues in your early 20's... read the Camus. If you're really having a tough time living your life, or it is affecting your ability to focus, then it's much more than just existential blues .

    I agree, see a doctor, get help, do WHATEVER it takes, even if it involves medication or some other treatment. The stigma and "weakness" attached to seeking help in times of trouble is truly shocking, and recent research reports show how little we are actively in "control" of all of these things (in short, "nature" is in a lot more control than "nurture," despite all that crap we read about free will and choice.)

    So, the idea that somebody can just "man up" or "go exercise" off suicidal depression is nuts. Get help, whatever it takes, and don't even spend a moment worrying what somebody else might say about it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2012
  17. Imhoff

    Imhoff Well-Known Member

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    Very touching anecdote. I think most of us here would have done the same.


    First, let me applaud you for being honest and coming forward with such a personal experience (I'll touch on this more later).

    1. Never heard an explanation like this regarding suicide, but makes sense. You're absolutely right, when making decisions in life, no matter how small or how big, there is always some level of uncertainty. It's usually washed away with the idea of some comfort ("Well, if I make the wrong decision, it's not the end of the world....") mantra. Then there are very few things in life that your decision has no grey area. It's one way, or the other.

    2. You hit on another important aspect here. The clichés of "you have so much to live for" and "things will get better" are empty phrases when talking to someone who honestly feels they have reached a point in their life where they cannot find happiness. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for trying to find hope in things, to feel that things will indeed get better. But I think a case can be made that if a person has made a decision, that sometimes those hopeful statements fall flat.


    Your mother has taken on a job for 40 years that would emotionally crush 99% of us after a year. Your mother is one hell of a person to be able to do that profession for so long and maintain some level of normalcy.

    That’s a very poignant statement. It’s difficult to describe the feeling a person has when the thoughts of suicide run rampant through their mind. That feeling of something uncontrollable inside you is consuming you and you feel helpless against it.

    Glad to hear things are better for you.
    And well stated in the bolded part. Those moments that you are alone, and seem to be running idle, are the times that these thoughts rear its’ ugly head. And I strongly feel that if these occurrences become more frequent, it will become even more difficult to contain and maintain the strength to not let your guard down.
    Not always the case, but yes, hopefully life rewards you with something that comforts ones’ past despair.

    Most view it this way and that is understandable.
    Thank you Teach for sharing something so personal with us. I hope you are still doing well.
    And you are right about the whole “happy” event that triggers the suicide. I think it is because of these events that a person who is suffering from a severe form of depression or other illness feels inadequate because they have trouble finding happiness where most others seem to obtain. Almost like a form of envy. This then further perpetuates the feeling of depression and anxiety.

    Funny that you shared this. I’ve been having very similar situations, typically right before bed. Maybe not as much thought in terms of how the whole idea of suicide would go down, but more of a building comfort of not being afraid of the thought of it. Which terrifies me. This has been occurring on and off for the past 5 years. Maybe a bit longer.

    I'm glad to hear that things are better for you and that these thoughts are not happening to you anymore.
     
  18. Imhoff

    Imhoff Well-Known Member

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    So, obviously I have stumbled upon this thread a little late. But this is one of the few threads on SF where I set aside time to read(start to finish) and absorb every post, not just glaze over it.

    I thank you all for taking the time to share your personal stories of life that was lost and for those who weighed in with their own personal battles. Can only imagine that it wasn't easy. And it has given me food for thought to share my own. So again, thank you.

    What was said in this thread was a real eye opener. The way depression and anxiety were described were way better than anything I could have conjured up. For the past 4-5 years, I've been battling with bouts of depression and anxiety. It has played a major factor in workplace performance(although somehow I managed to make it through...hit on that later), cost me a long term relationship with a woman that I loved, and has all but left most of my friendships in ruins.

    Like edinatlanta mentioned, I will try and fall asleep at night only to have my mind kick into over drive about thoughts of suicide. At first this startled me and made me question how dare I would ever think of such a thing, as if it were taboo and unfathomable. And here I am today/tonight and these thoughts are second nature, as if it were another way of saying "How are you doing today?" and replying "I don't want to live anymore." I've never once tried or attempted anything.

    And blackhood hit on some key points that really struck a chord. This "feeling" is almost like some sort of "thing", a physical presence that can cause chest pains, to lose breath, or to simply break you down and you physically collpase and breakdown in tears. It's falling into those dark patterns where your mind is left unaccounted for and it manifests itself into this "darkness". I battle this more often than I like to admit. In fact, continuing on being honest, I am battling with it right now. Currently at work because I don't want to go back to an empty home and be alone. Most of my evenings are spent at home, alone. Because of these bouts with depression, I've developed inadequate skills needed to survive social interaction. Anxiety kicks in, and the next thing I know I am trying to find a way out, sometimes leaving altogether and not saying proper goodbyes. It can go on for days without contact with anyone outside the workplace environment.

    I keep thinking I've come to a point in my life, as some have stated as the climax, or post-climax, where I find it more and more difficult each day to try and find happiness, even in the littlest things. Next month I will be 30. I've felt the decisions made in life were for the best and ultimately, in the long run, were the right choices. I know people say life isn't always a set plan, but at this point, I thought I made it a purpose to get to a certain level happiness, and now, deconstructing everything, have failed miserably. I don't have kids. I don't have a significant other. I have a family that, while on paper, extends out quite a bit, but yet, suffers from such disconnect, that even support is hard to come by.

    I apologize for rambling.
     
  19. JLibourel

    JLibourel Well-Known Member

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    I've known quite a few suicides in my time. While I was up at Balliol, one guy I knew jumped off a train to kill himself. He was really more a friend of one of my best friends. Nice, quiet little fellow. Two other men I had known at Oxford took their lives after I left. My principal tutor for Roman History ate a shotgun about 15 years after I graduated--I liked him very much. I was re-reading his commentary on Books I to V of Livy recently. I don't think I could ever have done work that good had I stayed in academia--a great pity he had to smash that fine brain with a charge of #6s. One of my fellow Greatsmen at Balliol, who was in later years acclaimed as the most brilliant classicist of his era (and one of the few men I have known who could really give me an intellectual inferiority complex in the areas where I was good) committed suicide in a "very gruesome manner" although I have never learned the particulars.

    My first wife committed suicide shortly after our marriage ended. From what her boyfriend told me, it appears she had gotten even nuttier after we ended our brief marriage and had threatened suicide the night before it happened. A likely reconstruction is that she turned on all the gas in what was meant to be a histrionic suicide attempt (perhaps the proverbial "cry for help) but forgot about the pilot light. An explosion ensued. She survived, horribly burned and mutilated, for about 10 days before she took the long trail.

    Another suicide among my friends was the author, big-game hunter and adventurer Jack Lott, who gained posthumous fame for designing the .458 Lott cartridge. I can't fault him too much for this one. He was old and going blind, he was going to have to go on dialysis, he had no family and no really close friends (I am pretty sure). He shot himself. I think he used his Smith & Wesson .38 Special.

    Some years later another gun writer whom I liked and respected enormously shot himself. His wife, to whom he was inordinately devoted, had been in failing health, and he had some physical problems as well. I think mostly he just couldn't bear to see his wife go under. Ironically, a few years earlier, I had been rather envious of that couple--devoted, enjoying early retirements, financially secure, I thought they had it "made." Shows the truth of old Solon's maxim, "Count no man happy until he is dead."

    About six weeks after that a staff member at Guns & Ammo ate a shotgun. I don't know whether he was inspired by my aforementioned friend or not. He had evidently been suffering from a rather precipitous mental decline before that. This was a couple of years after I had left G&A. He had always had a fondness for the edgy and macabre, but while I knew him, he never displayed any signs of paranoia and delusion such as he later manifested.

    The man who imported my first Tosa for me also turned a shotgun on himself after a quarrel with his wife. I had conversed with him on the telephone only a week or two before that, and he had sounded okay. A former Marine DI, he was about the last man you would expect to be a "Farewell, cruel world" type.

    Not exactly a suicide, but a man who for many years was by far my closest friend, more or less deliberately drank himself to death. He had gone into a psychic decline when his mother died a few years earlier, and when his father died (at age 87), it became precipitous.
     
  20. rach2jlc

    rach2jlc Well-Known Member

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    I think this thread needs a NSFM warning.... Not Safe for Mirth.

    That being said, it shows just how much none of us are spared tragedy, and just how resilient our e-friends can be. Though the thread is depressing, it's also strangely comforting.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2012

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