1. Welcome to the new Styleforum!

    We hope you’re as excited as we are to hang out in the new place. There are more new features that we’ll announce in the near future, but for now we hope you’ll enjoy the new site.

    We are currently fine-tuning the forum for your browsing pleasure, so bear with any lingering dust as we work to make Styleforum even more awesome than it was.

    Oh, and don’t forget to head over to the Styleforum Journal, because we’re giving away two pairs of Carmina shoes to celebrate our move!

    Please address any questions about using the new forum to support@styleforum.net

    Cheers,

    The Styleforum Team

    Dismiss Notice

Married SFers: How much did your wedding cost?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Fraiche, Dec 29, 2010.

  1. Mad Hatter

    Mad Hatter Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    80
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2011
    Age does make a difference, especially for people too young to have ever seriously considered marriage. I had no idea how I'd approach the issue, wasn't even sure I wanted to get married, then I met the right woman and things started changing in my life. I even process a lot of songs differently.



    I would say an increasing number of marriages do not work that way anymore. Mine certainly doesn't. We make most decisions together, especially things that strongly affect both of us. I'd never try to put my foot down on where we move, etc. Her career is just as important as mine, she gets an equal voice on damn near everything. Wedding was the same way, I didn't care about a lot of the details and let her run with it, but it wasn't "her day" or anything like that.


    Well according to Globetrotter, you are not a man. But you are right, an increasing number of marriages do not work that way anymore.
     
  2. deadly7

    deadly7 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,145
    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2010
    being married to somebody who agrees with you isn't what makes a marriage last a long time. being able to compromise and do things that you don't want to do is what makes marriages last a long time.

    I know that you are typing something, but all I see is "blah blah blah"

    look, you have your way of doing things. other people have other ways. I don't control my wife's life, but the way things work out is that most major decisions get made by me - my wife has a PhD and has had very responsible positions in life, but for the most part choices around our lives end up being led by me. that is the way the relationship between men and women has been for all of recorded history, and probably all of pre-history as well. again, when you ask the difference between the men and the boys, that is going to be at the top of the list.


    So by your own admission your marriage is doomed to fail.
     
  3. Mad Hatter

    Mad Hatter Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    80
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2011
    So by your own admission your marriage is doomed to fail.

    [​IMG]

    But he will still be a real man, through his divorce.
     
  4. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    20,605
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2004
    Location:
    greater chicago
    So by your own admission your marriage is doomed to fail.

    not at all - read back through the thread.

    this thread divides up pretty neatly between a group of single boys living in their parents basements who say "if my wife wants a wedding that isn't exactly what I want then I won't marry her" and adult married men who say "pick your fights and let your wife have the wedding she wants because you, as the man, will end up making most of the major decisions that affect your family for the rest of your life" sometimes you get to do what you want, sometimes you have to compromise. the smart man compromises on the things that aren't important.
     
  5. deadly7

    deadly7 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,145
    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2010
    not at all - read back through the thread.

    this thread divides up pretty neatly between a group of single boys living in their parents basements who say "if my wife wants a wedding that isn't exactly what I want then I won't marry her" and adult married men who say "pick your fights and let your wife have the wedding she wants because you, as the man, will end up making most of the major decisions that affect your family for the rest of your life" sometimes you get to do what you want, sometimes you have to compromise. the smart man compromises on the things that aren't important.


    Does the married man not consider his wife's happiness then? Maybe I misread your post but it sounds like you take this authoritarian role, damned what your wife thinks.
     
  6. CDFS

    CDFS Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,048
    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2008
    Location:
    Ljouwert
    not at all - read back through the thread. this thread divides up pretty neatly between a group of single boys living in their parents basements who say "if my wife wants a wedding that isn't exactly what I want then I won't marry her" and adult married men who say "pick your fights and let your wife have the wedding she wants because you, as the man, will end up making most of the major decisions that affect your family for the rest of your life" sometimes you get to do what you want, sometimes you have to compromise. the smart man compromises on the things that aren't important.
    just as there is not such an obvious divide in this thread there's not such an obvious one in the relationships of men and women. I'm not saying it doesn't work for you in this way.
     
  7. Mad Hatter

    Mad Hatter Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    80
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2011
    not at all - read back through the thread.

    this thread divides up pretty neatly between a group of single boys living in their parents basements who say "if my wife wants a wedding that isn't exactly what I want then I won't marry her" and adult married men who say "pick your fights and let your wife have the wedding she wants because you, as the man, will end up making most of the major decisions that affect your family for the rest of your life" sometimes you get to do what you want, sometimes you have to compromise. the smart man compromises on the things that aren't important.


    The whole living in your parents basement "insult" is an overused internet forum cliche and shows that you can't think for yourself by coming up with your own original insults. Why not start 2011 with some originality and some creative insults without assuming that everyone you disagree with is living in their parents basement.

    No one is saying to their soon to be wife "fuck you, I am giving you the wedding that I want you to have and I don't care what you want". Some women just don't give a shit about the stuff your wife finds important.
     
  8. tj100

    tj100 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    655
    Joined:
    May 4, 2009
    Some women just don't give a shit about the stuff your wife finds important.

    But here's the thing, some do. And they're not terrible people, they just have different priorities in life than you do.

    Why do you feel the need to judge others and then defend your judgements?
     
  9. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    20,605
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2004
    Location:
    greater chicago
    Does the married man not consider his wife's happiness then? Maybe I misread your post but it sounds like you take this authoritarian role, damned what your wife thinks.

    how did you get that? most people here are saying "fuck what your wife wants for the wedding, do what you want or don't marry the bitch" I'm saying "let her have the things that are important to her, the nature of life is that you will make most of the decisions through life". that's just the way it works out.
     
  10. gomestar

    gomestar Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    19,383
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2008
    Location:
    NYC
    Why do you feel the need to judge others and then defend your judgements?

    unsatisfactory home life. Must distribute hate on the internets.
     
  11. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    20,605
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2004
    Location:
    greater chicago
    unsatisfactory home life. Must distribute hate on the internets.

    +1
     
  12. Mad Hatter

    Mad Hatter Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    80
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2011
    But here's the thing, some do. And they're not terrible people, they just have different priorities in life than you do.

    Why do you feel the need to judge others and then defend your judgements?


    I am not judging anything or anyone. Do what you want and I hope you and your wife are very happy, but people here called expensive weddings crazy and not worth the money when simple is better, long before I came into this thread. In fact, expensive weddings being called crazy seems to be the general consensus these days.
     
  13. deadly7

    deadly7 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,145
    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2010
    how did you get that? most people here are saying "fuck what your wife wants for the wedding, do what you want or don't marry the bitch" I'm saying "let her have the things that are important to her, the nature of life is that you will make most of the decisions through life". that's just the way it works out.

    Like I said, I probably misread. But what if what is important to your wife is stability and what's important to you is moving to <new place> for <valid reason>? The [admittedly rather quick] cursory read I had of your post indicated that you would favor your own desires in that situation.

    Also, I now understand you don't mean it this way, but saying "let your wife decide the wedding, you get to decide the rest of your lives together" sounds like you're giving her a concession prize and don't actually respect her.
     
  14. gomestar

    gomestar Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    19,383
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2008
    Location:
    NYC
    I am not judging anything or anyone.

    [​IMG]

    Well if a 100K+ wedding is what your woman needs to make her happy, so be it. It seems plenty of people have women that are as equally happy with a small intimate wedding.

    And this is why I will be married to her for the rest of my life and most of you will be divorced.

    My wife doesn't give a shit about big weddings and fancy diamonds, but cleary the ones defending big weddings and fancy diamonds are only doing so, because they are marrying a woman that finds those things to be vastly important for some reason.

    [​IMG]
     
  15. Mad Hatter

    Mad Hatter Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    80
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2011
    Like I said, I probably misread. But what if what is important to your wife is stability and what's important to you is moving to <new place> for <valid reason>? The [admittedly rather quick] cursory read I had of your post indicated that you would favor your own desires in that situation.

    Also, I now understand you don't mean it this way, but saying "let your wife decide the wedding, you get to decide the rest of your lives together" sounds like you're giving her a concession prize and don't actually respect her.


    It's been that way between men and women for countless years, so why should he change and allow his wife to make any decisions beyond the wedding? That's crazy talk. She should shut the fuck up and be happy she at least got the wedding she wanted.
     
  16. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    20,605
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2004
    Location:
    greater chicago
    Like I said, I probably misread. But what if what is important to your wife is stability and what's important to you is moving to <new place> for <valid reason>? The [admittedly rather quick] cursory read I had of your post indicated that you would favor your own desires in that situation.


    excellent example - here's what happens, you make 80% or more of the family income. you get offered a job that requires you to move. your wife would like to stay where she is. if she has half a brain, you are going to move. it isn't so much about what you want and what she wants - that's what usually happens.

    when we were first married, I worked in India - my wife was a college professor someplace else. I commuted and we didn't relocate, in order to promote her career. it probably cost us a quarter of a million dollars in relocation benefits. she was making 20K or so. after our son was born, she gave up teaching (her choice). she is firmly convinced that it was a bad choice to support her career at that point.

    what I "desire" isn't important - but what usually ends up happening is that the man ends up making most of the important decisions. it has nothing to do with what he wants, it has to do with what is best for the family.

     
  17. gladhands

    gladhands Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,267
    Joined:
    May 5, 2010
    Globetrotter, I think you want to substitute &quot;bread winner&quot; for &quot;man&quot;. While men still make more than women, relationships where both partners work, yet one makes 80% of the income are a little less common than you think. That may not be the case on Styleforvm, home of the 250k fallback job.
     
  18. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    20,605
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2004
    Location:
    greater chicago
    Globetrotter, I think you want to substitute "bread winner" for "man". While men still make more than women, relationships where both partners work, yet one makes 80% of the income are a little less common than you think. That may not be the case on Styleforvm, home of the 250k fallback job.

    true - and, frankly, when I was much younger I didn't think that this was going to be the case, but most of my friends have situations that are not equal in terms of income.
     
  19. gladhands

    gladhands Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,267
    Joined:
    May 5, 2010
    To get this back on topic:

    My wife and I spent next to nothing on a really memorable wedding. We went the destination route, and got married at a boutique hotel in Playa Del Carmen in front of 23 guests. She isn't the type of woman who's been planning her wedding since the was nine years old. Neither of us wanted a big ceremony. Believe me, that helps.

    Contrary to what was said earlier in the threak, I don't believe that we transferred the expense to our guests at all. Our friends and family are scattered around the country. We don't share a hometown or live all that close to either set of parents, meaning that all of our guests would have had to fly and stay in a hotel anyway. I know that most of our guests paid less for flight and accomodations than they would have spent had the wedding been held in Boston instead of PDC.
     
  20. Pennglock

    Pennglock Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,244
    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2006
    Like Globe, GDL and a few other confirmed adults in this thread have said, do as your wife and her family want. Don't get involved in the planning process, at all. You will have plenty of opportunities in this life to wear the pants.

    Just don't let her try to dress you or your groomsmen!
     

Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by