1. Welcome to the new Styleforum!

    We hope you’re as excited as we are to hang out in the new place. There are more new features that we’ll announce in the near future, but for now we hope you’ll enjoy the new site.

    We are currently fine-tuning the forum for your browsing pleasure, so bear with any lingering dust as we work to make Styleforum even more awesome than it was.

    Oh, and don’t forget to head over to the Styleforum Journal, because we’re giving away two pairs of Carmina shoes to celebrate our move!

    Please address any questions about using the new forum to support@styleforum.net

    Cheers,

    The Styleforum Team

    Dismiss Notice

I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Matt, Dec 21, 2008.

  1. MarkI

    MarkI Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,685
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    marki THE RELATIONSHIP ENDED WHEN YOU BROKE UP. IT'S ALREADY OVER.

    She hasn't said it, she said i'm putting her in a hard place because i'm making her decide whether to be together, or have me out of her life entirely.

    This has been the basis for this fucking 3 week emotional roller-coaster.

    I'm sick of it, if she hasn't decided by now, she wont, I dont think, WHICH IS WHY IM PUTTING AN END TO IT TOMORROW NIGHT.

    I don't see what is so hard to understand.
     
  2. MarkI

    MarkI Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,685
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    Just a guess, but most people are probably shaking their head at this dinner date because they know it WON'T be goodbye.

    It will be.
     
  3. Teger

    Teger Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    21,933
    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2008
    Location:
    Richmond, VA
    She hasn't said it, she said i'm putting her in a hard place because i'm making her decide whether to be together, or have me out of her life entirely. This has been the basis for this fucking 3 week emotional roller-coaster. I'm sick of it, if she hasn't decided by now, she wont, I dont think, WHICH IS WHY IM PUTTING AN END TO IT TOMORROW NIGHT. I don't see what is so hard to understand.
    oh my god kill me did you get like 400 on your SATs?
     
  4. RedLantern

    RedLantern Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,276
    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2008
    Location:
    The Brooklyn of Seattle
    Alright, so instead relationships should go on, indefinitely in some strange topsy turvy state, where neither party has straight out said that they are no longer together?

    I don't know about you people, but after spending a year and a half of my life with someone, I would much rather say goodbye, and then, with a foundation on which I can solidly say that it is over, begin to move on.

    I do not think there is inherently anything wrong with this.


    The point is, as you will learn, that things aren't over when you say they are over - they are over when you are actually over it, which will only happen after spending a significant time out of contact.

    Here's a pro tip: bad relationships (hell, good ones that end as well) never get "resolved," you simply stop caring about what went wrong or why it went wrong. There is no greater understanding to come to, merely apathy, or grace.
     
  5. MarkI

    MarkI Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,685
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    oh my god kill me

    did you get like 400 on your SATs?


    Perfect grades on my SATs, accepted to all Ivy Leagues I applied too.

    Not like those things really mean shit anyways.
     
  6. MarkI

    MarkI Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,685
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    The point is, as you will learn, that things aren't over when you say they are over - they are over when you are actually over it, which will only happen after spending a significant time out of contact.

    Here's a pro tip: bad relationships (hell, good ones that end as well) never get "resolved," you simply stop caring about what went wrong or why it went wrong. There is no greater understanding to come to, merely apathy, or grace.


    I understand this very well, but I feel like for me PERSONALLY, I don't know about anyone else, but for myself, it provides some sort of closure, and like a said a foundation to move on from, when I see her, and I tell her face to face, that this is over.

    Different strokes for different folks.

    Even bullshit relationships Ive had that have lasted like 3 months, I liked to end this way.
     
  7. Bhowie

    Bhowie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    13,099
    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Location:
    Running the trap house.
    So let me get this straight. MarkI had perfect SAT scores, accepted to all the Ivy's he "applied" to, but goes to school in New York.

    Hey bud maybe you can proxy me some of your excess stupidity.
     
  8. RedLantern

    RedLantern Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,276
    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2008
    Location:
    The Brooklyn of Seattle
    I understand this very well, but I feel like for me PERSONALLY, I don't know about anyone else, but for myself, it provides some sort of closure, and like a said a foundation to move on from, when I see her, and I tell her face to face, that this is over.

    Different strokes for different folks.

    Even bullshit relationships Ive had that have lasted like 3 months, I liked to end this way.


    Whatever "bullshit" relationships you have had before have no bearing here. It appears that you really care about this girl so things will be different. It will not be easy to get over. Talking will not provide closure. Maybe understanding, maybe rational closure. But, it will never provide you with emotional closure. It will never make you feel better.
     
  9. MarkI

    MarkI Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,685
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    So let me get this straight. MarkI had perfect SAT scores, accepted to all the Ivy's he "applied" to, but goes to school in New York.

    Hey bud maybe you can proxy me some of your excess stupidity.


    I've lived in New York all my life, and prefer it here. I go to Brooklyn College, I intend on going to law school. I hardly come from a wealthy family, the difference left from scholarships, was not something I wanted to end up owing in loans.

    For law school, i'll aim for a great school, for my bachelors it doesn't concern me as much.

    In any case, this has nothing to do with anything.
     
  10. MarkI

    MarkI Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,685
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    Whatever "bullshit" relationships you have had before have no bearing here. It appears that you really care about this girl so things will be different. It will not be easy to get over. Talking will not provide closure. Maybe understanding, maybe rational closure. But, it will never provide you with emotional closure. It will never make you feel better.

    And i'm not expecting it too.
     
  11. RedLantern

    RedLantern Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,276
    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2008
    Location:
    The Brooklyn of Seattle
    Then what the fuck is the point? And don't say "a foundation to move on from" that doesn't mean anything. You're not being honest with yourself.
     
  12. MarkI

    MarkI Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,685
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    Maybe it doesnt make sense, maybe its illogical, but simply put, I can only begin to move on after I hear her say goodbye, and I say goodbye, then I walk away, and move on.
     
  13. RedLantern

    RedLantern Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,276
    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2008
    Location:
    The Brooklyn of Seattle
    Thats bullshit. You're saying she is in control over whether you move on or not.
     
  14. Ambulance Chaser

    Ambulance Chaser Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    9,790
    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2002
    Location:
    Washington, D.C.
    MarkI has out-[​IMG]'d [​IMG] .

    I understand your need for closure, but please, please don't go to dinner with this woman. Meet at a coffee shop, say your piece, and leave.
     
  15. MarkI

    MarkI Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,685
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    Thats bullshit. You're saying she is in control over whether you move on or not.

    This is not true, I just want to fucking say goodbye, and walk away with some sense of closure, this up in the air shit is ridiculous. And it comes from her end, thats why I say goodbye.

    MarkI has out-[​IMG]'d [​IMG] .

    I understand your need for closure, but please, please don't go to dinner with this woman. Meet at a coffee shop, say your piece, and leave.


    I said in an earlier post, dinner was just something that was said, I doubt well even go anywhere other than a fucking walk
     
  16. RedLantern

    RedLantern Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,276
    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2008
    Location:
    The Brooklyn of Seattle
    This is not true, I just want to fucking say goodbye, and walk away with some sense of closure, this up in the air shit is ridiculous. And it comes from her end, thats why I say goodbye.


    Maybe it doesnt make sense, maybe its illogical, but simply put, I can only begin to move on after I hear her say goodbye, and I say goodbye, then I walk away, and move on.

    [​IMG]


    According to you, this "up in the air shit" is coming from her, whatever you say to her is not going to change her story. There is no last word, "here's looking at you kid" scenario that is going to make any of this easier. You're just delaying what is bound to be an already lengthy and painful process.
     
  17. pstoller

    pstoller Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    762
    Joined:
    May 24, 2002
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Alright, so instead relationships should go on, indefinitely in some strange topsy turvy state, where neither party has straight out said that they are no longer together?

    I don't know about you people, but after spending a year and a half of my life with someone, I would much rather say goodbye, and then, with a foundation on which I can solidly say that it is over, begin to move on.

    I do not think there is inherently anything wrong with this.


    There isn't, so long as both parties play by those rules. In your case, neither party has, and you've given us no reason (beyond your solemn word) to believe that's going to change. Your long goodbye has been all "long" and no "goodbye." So, your real choice is between: 1) both parties stop seeing/calling/texting/whatevering each other, and the relationship is actually over; and 2) both parties keep seeing/calling/texting/whatevering each other to say that the relationship is over (kinda sorta maybe), ad infinitum. The latter is what you've been doing for weeks.

    Closure only works when you close.
     
  18. Joffrey

    Joffrey Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    11,347
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2006
    Location:
    Pennsylvania Ave/Connecticut Ave
    Whatever. Dude just tell us in explicit detail what happens at your dinner/walk.
     
  19. MarkI

    MarkI Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,685
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    There isn't, so long as both parties play by those rules. In your case, neither party has, and you've given us no reason (beyond your solemn word) to believe that's going to change. Your long goodbye has been all "long" and no "goodbye." So, your real choice is between: 1) both parties stop seeing/calling/texting/whatevering each other, and the relationship is actually over; and 2) both parties keep seeing/calling/texting/whatevering each other to say that the relationship is over (kinda sorta maybe), ad infinitum. The latter is what you've been doing for weeks.

    Closure only works when you close.


    Or how about, one party says goodbye, because they are sick of the way the other party is acting?
     
  20. Teger

    Teger Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    21,933
    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2008
    Location:
    Richmond, VA
    holy shit i never thought i'd see an sf poster more myopic than foo, BUT LO AND BEHOLD
     

Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by