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Do you enjoy being married?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by ChicagoJohn, Jan 14, 2009.

  1. Journeyman

    Journeyman Well-Known Member

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    Best thing that ever happened to me. Choose carefully.

    +1 again.

    Marriage has enriched my life immensely, and I think (and I have been told) that I am a better person for it.

    As well as being married to a woman whom I love dearly and who is my best friend as well as my lover, it has also given me two lovely children.

    Sure, it's not all roses - there are arguments, there is stress, there are times when you want to be by yourself.

    But on balance, there's not a skerrick of doubt in my mind that I made the right choice in getting married and having children.
     
  2. mkarim

    mkarim Well-Known Member

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    I think the measure of marriage is quite often dictated by its absence.

    As they say "By all means get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy. If not, you'll become a philosopher."
     
  3. 0b5cur1ty

    0b5cur1ty Well-Known Member

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    I know I could have been a modern Archimedes if I were totally asexual.

    I'm a bit late to this thread - but I can't believe no one has claimed this treasure as their signature. [​IMG]
     
  4. Nomad_K

    Nomad_K Well-Known Member

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    I have GF and when I see hotter chicks (when I'm with or w/o her), it kills me by not being able to do anything about it. Do you married guys get this kind of feelings? If so, how do you cope it?

    I got into a lot of trouble for this - I was younger and not with the right person.

    Now - a little wiser and with an amazing woman - I still notice nice looking girls, as does my better half, but I don't feel like I am missing out on anything.
     
  5. Alumni

    Alumni New Member

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    To answer the OP question. No not particularly..I do like the sex though..one big upside. I am often reminded of the line about the mafia "its is easy to get into but very diificult to get out of" I had little doubts in the back of my mind that this girl was "the one" but we were in our late 20's and all our friends were getting married, she was pushing for a ring (sound familiar). Looking back now I should have listened to those little voices. Nothing terrible has happened between us but bottom line is I dont think I was head over heals In Love with her way back when the way I should have been to get married. I recognize that now. We get on ok, I would say. There has been lots of fight and conflicts over the years about the usual things. I think one of the most important things in a marraige is for both people to have a great sense of humour or to put it another way to laugh at the same things. We have totally different senses of humour and that creates its own problems and conflicts. I would think if we did not have young kids we would possibly have gone our seperate ways by now, but with kids and financial obligations it becomes a lot harder to seriously consider this option. Dont get me wrong we dont hate each other, I would say we have more a room mate relationship if that makes sense. We both love the kids and have created a nice home and life for them. And boy do I miss chasing skirt. Sorry for the rambling post....it is what it is as they say. I know there are many, many men and women just like me stuck in marraiges that never admit it publically for all the obvious reasons.
    To me this seems to be one of, if not the most, honest answer of this entire thread. Either the men in this forum are the exception to the rule as I know it to be or there are a lot of men whos wives lurk on this board. I have friends from all walks of life (judges, professional athletes, celebrities, school teaches, janitors, etc. etc. etc.) and by in large, most of them are not happy being married. Of all the married couples I know, I would say that 70% of them would not be married (to anyone) if they could do it over again or if they could avoid receiving the equivalent of a rectal exam in divorce court. Sure they put up a good front and say all the right things in public, but on the rare occasions when the "truth serum" gets to flowing, a different story is told. Being married and making the best of it is not the same as being happily marred to me, nor is staying because you have kids and assets together the same as wanting to be there. I am not the "bitter divorced guy" (I have never been married and my parents have been married for over 37 years) neither am I against marriage. I am just merely pointing out the fact that the responses in this thread belie the divorce statistics I see and stories that I hear. What I do find off putting is the underlying assertion that married people are somehow better then single people. I find this to be somewhat pretentious and quite insulting.
     
  6. HORNS

    HORNS Well-Known Member

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    Ask me tomorrow.[​IMG]
     
  7. gdl203

    gdl203 Well-Known Member

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    Ask me tomorrow.[​IMG]

    Do you enjoy being married?
     
  8. thinman

    thinman Well-Known Member

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    I think what you're seeing is self-selection. As a divorced man, I chose not to answer the OP's question. The answer for me should be self-evident and I see no need to go into details beyond saying that I made a very poor choice. I will also say, however, that I would get married again, but I am much more circumspect in my relationships and hopefully much wiser.


    To me this seems to be one of, if not the most, honest answer of this entire thread. Either the men in this forum are the exception to the rule as I know it to be or there are a lot of men whos wives lurk on this board. I have friends from all walks of life (judges, professional athletes, celebrities, school teaches, janitors, etc. etc. etc.) and by in large, most of them are not happy being married. Of all the married couples I know, I would say that 70% of them would not be married (to anyone) if they could do it over again or if they could avoid receiving the equivalent of a rectal exam in divorce court. Sure they put up a good front and say all the right things in public, but on the rare occasions when the "truth serum" gets to flowing, a different story is told.

    Being married and making the best of it is not the same as being happily marred to me, nor is staying because you have kids and assets together the same as wanting to be there. I am not the "bitter divorced guy" (I have never been married and my parents have been married for over 37 years) neither am I against marriage. I am just merely pointing out the fact that the responses in this thread belie the divorce statistics I see and stories that I hear.

    What I do find off putting is the underlying assertion that married people are somehow better then single people. I find this to be somewhat pretentious and quite insulting.
     
  9. HORNS

    HORNS Well-Known Member

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    Do you enjoy being married?

    Yeah. Today I do . . .
     
  10. acidboy

    acidboy Well-Known Member

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    Yeah. Today I do . . .

    but what about tomorrow?
     
  11. LookSharp

    LookSharp Well-Known Member

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    I'm happily married and having seen plenty of unhappy marriages I think it's down to the fact that we spent nothing on our wedding, were penniless lived in a horrible rented dive when we got together, had huge long coversation sessions when we first met that were part of the attraction. She's constantly amusing to me and speaks several language fluently/bilingually.

    The worse marriages are the guys who want to tick a wife off life's task-list and get some heirs incubated who end up with the hormonal highly-strung bint with a head full of cash, babies and muddled feminism. Heck, those guys seem trapped and miserable.

    I hate nagging, though. It's amazing how a good nagging can utterly drain you of all the energy you had and your good mood for the whole the rest of the day. God, I hate nagging. Nagging sucks.
     
  12. skidsm

    skidsm Well-Known Member

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    been married seven years and it's going great. there have been a lot of insightful comments in this thread about what it takes to remain happy. unless you're one of those rare individuals who happens to have the perfect perspective on life for purposes of maintaining a happy and healthy world view, self-image, and marriage, it is worth considering that your marriage will require some attention and evaluation, just like all parts of life.

    i think a lot of people run into problems because our lives tend to be front-loaded with all of the excitement -- new schools every few years, new jobs, new girls, new marriage, new house, new kids -- and after all the "new" things happen, you're faced with 30 years until retirement and a job that might not be exactly what you had hoped for. the lack of a "new" something can cause people to point fingers in the marriage, even though that isn't the problem (sometimes).

    taking time to appreciate each other, talk to each other, do stuff the other is excited about, and finding stuff you can both be excited about helps keeps things fun.

    for what it's worth, i'd do it all over again.
     
  13. HORNS

    HORNS Well-Known Member

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    but what about tomorrow?

    It's all better now. I wanted to shake the shit out of that bitch on Sunday, but everything has settled back down now.

    I absolutely love my wife. She makes me laugh just about every day - which I've always found very hard for women to do. She's smarter and stronger in spirit than just about anyone else that I know and has the enthusiasm in life of a child. But, she's a woman, and that means that sometimes she falls into the deepest depths of craziness and wants to pull me down with her.
     
  14. mkarim

    mkarim Well-Known Member

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    She's smarter and stronger in spirit than just about anyone else that I know and has the enthusiasm in life of a child.
    That's great!

    But, she's a woman, and that means that sometimes she falls into the deepest depths of craziness and wants to pull me down with her.
    This is what throws many men off...
     
  15. sho'nuff

    sho'nuff Well-Known Member

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    I think what you're seeing is self-selection. As a divorced man, I chose not to answer the OP's question. The answer for me should be self-evident and I see no need to go into details beyond saying that I made a very poor choice. I will also say, however, that I would get married again, but I am much more circumspect in my relationships and hopefully much wiser.

    i like your answers thinman. although i say im sorry for your predicament and hopefully you can find that special someone again.
     
  16. thinman

    thinman Well-Known Member

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    i like your answers thinman. although i say im sorry for your predicament and hopefully you can find that special someone again.

    Thank you for the kind wishes, but don't feel sorry for me. I have great friends and family who took care of me through the difficult times and I'm enjoying life right now. I freely tell people that I'm a much better person for having been married and also for having gone through a divorce. Both experiences made me take stock of who I am, decide who I want to be and what I want in life, and take the necessary steps to get there. Although I would like to be married again someday, I'm very happy right now. So marriage was a productive, life-changing experience, though not always pleasant.
     
  17. sho'nuff

    sho'nuff Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for the kind wishes, but don't feel sorry for me. I have great friends and family who took care of me through the difficult times and I'm enjoying life right now. I freely tell people that I'm a much better person for having been married and also for having gone through a divorce. Both experiences made me take stock of who I am, decide who I want to be and what I want in life, and take the necessary steps to get there. Although I would like to be married again someday, I'm very happy right now. So marriage was a productive, life-changing experience, though not always pleasant.

    nice
     
  18. Dewey

    Dewey Well-Known Member

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    Not sure I'm buying the self-selection bias whinery. What I see are generally qualified people answering a question.

    If you want a thread with divorced guys talking about how great is divorce, and how marriage sucks, make one called "Do you enjoy being divorced?"
     
  19. dixichuk

    dixichuk Member

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    Single 22 years. Married 32. Kid for 11. Kind of like cooking. Some nights you cook a meal and it just sucks . The next night dinner is about best thing you've ever put in your mouth. So far, I still get hungry and still look forward to dinner.
     
  20. HORNS

    HORNS Well-Known Member

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    I really enjoy being married, actually. The wife that I found did NOT fit the idealization of what my wife would be like, and I think that this idealization is something that dooms many potentially long-lasting and fulfilling relationships (just my opinion).

    When we first got married, we always truthfully joked that we get along 80% of the time, so our marriage was a B- as far as grades were concerned. Not real good, but a couple has the rest of their lives to make that grade increase - and that is a big part of the adventure that is marriage. You shouldn't have each other figured out! There SHOULD be episodes in which you become angry, upset, or annoyed - in these times you are challenged - your figurative cage is rattled and the things that you have become comfortable with in your own head should be pulled out and rearranged so you know that you are not the only person on the planet. If you become comfortable with this, then you realize that you can no longer look at yourself in the context of one human, but MUST look at it in the context of TWO humans. This makes people extremely uncomfortable, as well it should if you have at least two neurons in your head. But it can be thrilling as well.

    Now, after seven years of marriage, we are at a 90% non-annoyance rate. An A-. Not to shabby. So far, so good. Enjoy the ride!

    I remember, when I first got married, there was a show on HBO, I think, called "The Mind of a Married Man". One time a guys said that marriage is like a marathon. Every day you must make compromises that your never had to worry about in the past. Every day you must deal with a person who is completely wired differently than you. It's an effort, and it will last until the day one or the other of you die (if you're lucky). But these challenges, once again, make you grow into a better and stronger person.

    I feel so goddamn lucky that I have a woman who I can consider a buddy in which we can share life experiences together - whether it be food, travel, clothes, work issues, talking about mutual acquaintances with an air of condescension, etc. You NEED someone to share these experiences with. To me, if you don't, then these life-experiences are the equivalent of a tree falling in the woods without anyone around to hear it.
     

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