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Do you enjoy being married?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by ChicagoJohn, Jan 14, 2009.

  1. Etienne

    Etienne Well-Known Member

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    How committed were they if you're using the past tense to describe them?
    Pretty committed. It took until I was lied and cheated on for me to break up, after years of relationship, and it cost me a lot of money. Not really dissimilar to marriage and divorce, really.
     
  2. JBZ

    JBZ Well-Known Member

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    I love being married. For me, it was definitely the right choice.

    I've just come through a difficult time period (lost my job in February of '08 and was out of work for 9 1/2 months). Having the support of my wife during that time period was invaluable. It was very hard, but would have been much harder without her.
     
  3. Fabienne

    Fabienne Well-Known Member

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    Bonjour tout le monde ! I decided to show up for a little while but will try to stay away from threads on politics. [​IMG]

    On the subject of marriage, I would say that mutual respect is essential. I hear some colleagues make unsavory comments about their husband or wife and find that particularly distateful.
     
  4. Fabienne

    Fabienne Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like a conversation at our house. Of course, it helps that we have separate accounts.[​IMG]

    And a sure sign of a good marriage is this exchange:

    Me: I'm really annoyed about the car and the $1300 we're going to have to spend on it. I know this is stupid, but I was hoping to save some money and in Nov. when WW Chan comes, have a suit made. It looks like it would cost about that much. These repairs aside it's probably too much for a suit, but still I was thinking about it.

    Her: Why can't you still do that? Nothing says we can't do both.


    Really the lesson is that she's making a huge sacrifice even to say that because she's very frugal. And I'm going to make a smaller sacrifice by probably not ever getting a $1300 suit because I'd rather she not fret over the money (or that she spend some of that on herself). It's silly but it's reality. Compromise and sacrifice. It does a marriage good.

    b
     
  5. Matt

    Matt Well-Known Member

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    great to see you back Fab.

    Bonne Annee
     
  6. Mr T

    Mr T Well-Known Member

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    My 14 year marriage will end soon and I never want to be married again. In the upcoming years if I ever post that I have met someone and pop the question please bump this thread as a reminder to myself.
     
  7. Dedalus

    Dedalus Well-Known Member

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    For you happily married folks out there, what terrifies you more, dying before your spouse or your spouse dying before you?
     
  8. thekunk07

    thekunk07 Well-Known Member

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    sex twice a week would turn me into a murderer. wifey in contractually obligated to 4 loads of kunk.


    Salut Fabienne! Long time no see [​IMG]

    I love my wife and kids and can't imagine what I'd do without them (well maybe I can and it ain't pretty).

    So here are some of the benefits of marriage according to research that is highlighted in a book called: The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially

    Better Financial Picture

    The old saying "Two can live as cheaply as one" isn't exactly true. Two do appear to be able to live as cheaply as one and a half persons, though. That means sharing furniture, food, insurance benefits, a car, etc.... And, when one person becomes ill, loses his or her job, or needs emotional support due to stressors, the spouse is there to help. This is cheaper too, as in home nurses, credit card debt, and therapists cost more.

    Married men are more successful in work as well, getting promoted more often and receiving higher performance appraisals. They also miss work or arrive late less often (Kostiuk and Follman, 1989, and Shaw, 1987). As for women, white married women (without children) earn 4% more and black married women earn 10% more than their single peers (Waite, 1995). While some point out that house work for married women (37 hours per week) is greater than that of single women (25 hours), half of that is due to having children (South and Spitze, 1994).

    Longer Life

    Married people live longer as well. Single men have mortality rates that are 250% higher than married men. Single women have mortality rates that are 50% higher than married women (Ross et all, 1990). Having a spouse can decrease your risk for dying from cancer as much as knocking ten years off your life. Single people spend longer in the hospital, and have a greater risk of dying after surgery (Goodwin et al, 1987).

    Married women are 30% more likely to rate their health as excellent or very good compared to single women, and 40% less likely to rate their health as only fair or poor compared to single women. Based on life expectancies, nine of ten married men and women alive at age 48 are alive at 65, while only six of ten single men and eight of ten single women make it to 65. Married men may have better immune systems as well, either from support or from nagging to monitor blood pressure, cholesterol, weight, etc... and may be at less risk to catch colds (Cohen et al, 1997)

    Better Mental Health

    Married men are half as likely to commit suicide as single men, and one third as likely as divorced men. Widowed men under 45 are nine times more likely to commit suicide as married men (Smith, Mercy, and Conn, 1988). Married people report lower levels of depression and distress, and 40% say they are very happy with their lives, compared to about 25% in single people. Married people were half as likely to say they were unhappy with their lives.

    Single men drink twice as much as married men, and one out of four say their drinking causes problems. Only one of seven married men says the same. One out of six single men abstains from alcohol, but one in four married men do (Miller-Tutzauer et al, 1991).

    Better Sex

    About 40% of married people have sex twice a week, compared to 20-25% of single and cohabitating men and women. Over 40% of married women said their sex life was emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to about 30% of single women. For men, it's 50% of married men are physically and emotionally contents versus 38% of cohabitating men.
     
  9. thekunk07

    thekunk07 Well-Known Member

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    short term or long term?

    in the short term, i don;t want to die because i grew up fatherless and don;t want my children to suffer the same fate; we are about as close a family as you can be.

    in the long term, wifey and i have agreed to suck on a tailpipe together if we're both old and decrepit. wouldn't want to be without each other.

    For you happily married folks out there, what terrifies you more, dying before your spouse or your spouse dying before you?
     
  10. The Louche

    The Louche Well-Known Member

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    what leads you to believe there is a wealth of women out there dying to have sex with the single you?

    Better Financial Picture

    The old saying "Two can live as cheaply as one" isn't exactly true. Two do appear to be able to live as cheaply as one and a half persons, though. That means sharing furniture, food, insurance benefits, a car, etc.... And, when one person becomes ill, loses his or her job, or needs emotional support due to stressors, the spouse is there to help. This is cheaper too, as in home nurses, credit card debt, and therapists cost more.

    Married men are more successful in work as well, getting promoted more often and receiving higher performance appraisals. They also miss work or arrive late less often (Kostiuk and Follman, 1989, and Shaw, 1987). As for women, white married women (without children) earn 4% more and black married women earn 10% more than their single peers (Waite, 1995). While some point out that house work for married women (37 hours per week) is greater than that of single women (25 hours), half of that is due to having children (South and Spitze, 1994).


    I never said there were a wealth of single women that wanted to have sex with me. All I ever impied was that I don't care about having sex anymore.

    As for this financial benefit stuff, well the points made are all quite valid. But this leaves out the cost of raising kids. In this day and age I'd venture to say that it costs about $1,000,000/kid to raise them from birth through college when you factor in the cost of college. I hate to break it you, but a million bucks can go a long way for some of us out here in normal people land, let alone 3 million bucks if you were to have 3 kids...
     
  11. thekunk07

    thekunk07 Well-Known Member

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    agreed, kids are expensive as hell. i have 3 and have been saving for college since their birth and at this rate, they will graduate HS with about a yr solid of tuition each. that said, at 18 you are an adult and i don;t feel it is a parent's obligation to pay for their child's college tuition in entirety. i'd rather they took loans like a grown up and then helped them pay for a wedding/house/etc.
     
  12. callen

    callen Well-Known Member

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    Marriage was the best thing to ever happened to me. To answer a few of the previous questions in the thread - I can't imagine the grief and pain of being a widower. Not something I ever want to go through.

    As for marriage advice - my wife actually gave a good friend of mine some great advice last Saturday night as we were all out drinking, and that was each person comes into a marriage with a different upbringing and ways of doing things. This does not make one person right or wrong just different. The key is to not let these idiosyncracies become a big deal. Talk about them, work them out, and most of all try not to judge. If all this is done early with out become judgemental a lot of agruements can be avoided.

    To all the people getting married soon enjoy it to the fullest. Marriage can truely improve your life if you entered into it with the right person and with a lot of thought.
     
  13. Matt

    Matt Well-Known Member

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    Salut Fabienne! Long time no see [​IMG]

    I love my wife and kids and can't imagine what I'd do without them (well maybe I can and it ain't pretty).

    So here are some of the benefits of marriage according to research that is highlighted in a book called: The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially

    Better Financial Picture

    The old saying "Two can live as cheaply as one" isn't exactly true. Two do appear to be able to live as cheaply as one and a half persons, though. That means sharing furniture, food, insurance benefits, a car, etc.... And, when one person becomes ill, loses his or her job, or needs emotional support due to stressors, the spouse is there to help. This is cheaper too, as in home nurses, credit card debt, and therapists cost more.

    Married men are more successful in work as well, getting promoted more often and receiving higher performance appraisals. They also miss work or arrive late less often (Kostiuk and Follman, 1989, and Shaw, 1987). As for women, white married women (without children) earn 4% more and black married women earn 10% more than their single peers (Waite, 1995). While some point out that house work for married women (37 hours per week) is greater than that of single women (25 hours), half of that is due to having children (South and Spitze, 1994).

    Longer Life

    Married people live longer as well. Single men have mortality rates that are 250% higher than married men. Single women have mortality rates that are 50% higher than married women (Ross et all, 1990). Having a spouse can decrease your risk for dying from cancer as much as knocking ten years off your life. Single people spend longer in the hospital, and have a greater risk of dying after surgery (Goodwin et al, 1987).

    Married women are 30% more likely to rate their health as excellent or very good compared to single women, and 40% less likely to rate their health as only fair or poor compared to single women. Based on life expectancies, nine of ten married men and women alive at age 48 are alive at 65, while only six of ten single men and eight of ten single women make it to 65. Married men may have better immune systems as well, either from support or from nagging to monitor blood pressure, cholesterol, weight, etc... and may be at less risk to catch colds (Cohen et al, 1997)

    Better Mental Health

    Married men are half as likely to commit suicide as single men, and one third as likely as divorced men. Widowed men under 45 are nine times more likely to commit suicide as married men (Smith, Mercy, and Conn, 1988). Married people report lower levels of depression and distress, and 40% say they are very happy with their lives, compared to about 25% in single people. Married people were half as likely to say they were unhappy with their lives.

    Single men drink twice as much as married men, and one out of four say their drinking causes problems. Only one of seven married men says the same. One out of six single men abstains from alcohol, but one in four married men do (Miller-Tutzauer et al, 1991).

    Better Sex

    About 40% of married people have sex twice a week, compared to 20-25% of single and cohabitating men and women. Over 40% of married women said their sex life was emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to about 30% of single women. For men, it's 50% of married men are physically and emotionally contents versus 38% of cohabitating men.


    I have posted this before, but allow me to retort....

    The Colonel's 'Cost-per-Knob' Index

    Which is cheaper: sex for money, or sex within the hallowed institution of a loving marriage as endorsed by the pope?

    Let me paint the parameters of this painstaking research first: All statistics are based on American figures for consistency. Well that plus they've got more divorce lawyers than you could point a pit bull terrier at, so statistics from the US Census Bureau are plentiful.

    The median duration of a marriage is 7.2 years, and the median age of divorce is 35.6 for men. During that time, sex - more commonly known as Giving the Ferret a Run, Hiding the Salami, Putting the Tool in the Shed, the Matrimonial Polka, or the Magic Disappearing Cane Trick - is likely to rear its ugly head 6.9 times per month (according to Edward O Laumann, Americanbabies.com). But let's go with some more generous statistics from the Illinois State University, who say that married couples Make the Beast With Two Backs two to three times a week in their twenties.

    Assuming the average man therefore marries at 28 years of age, let's allow for three Horizontal Cha-Chas per week for three years, two per week for the next three years, and then - as kids and boredom from eating from the same menu and dissatisfaction creep into the game - let's say once a week for the remaining 1.2 years. That, ladies and genitals, gives you a grand total of 842.4 rounds with the Chubby Conquistador (well, you remember that time you fell asleep on the job, don't you?).

    Now, my good friend Dr Sam Vaknin - financial consultant and economic advisor to the stars - calculates that the average couple in the west accumulates assets of US$100,000 over seven years of marriage. We could argue maybe a little more for expats, but let's stay with the conservative figures.

    If divorce now takes place, kiss goodbye to half your assets. It just cost you $50,000 for 842.4 grease and oil changes. Cost-per-Knob: $59.35 per time with the Chief of Staff.

    But, and this is a big but (perhaps I should spell that 'butt'!): the cost of legal fees, etc, for the divorce itself is $15,000 and takes a year to complete. During that time, let's presume the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love is enjoying no attention from your ex-partner (although, if the mood seems right, you might want to ask if you could finish off that missing 0.6 from the better days).

    Plus, you've had two kids in the meantime, and the cost of child maintenance for two kids is 27% of net wages. This could be more for expats, but let's just call it a nice even $1,000 per month. For a period of, oh, 13 years just till the older one turns 18. So we're on the low side again. That's a total of $156,000 in child support.

    So you actually spent $221,000 for those 842.4 Air-flown Kobe Beef Injections at a Cost-per-knob of $262.34 a piece. But hold on, we haven't even factored in those fancy dinners, cocktails, bunches of flowers on Valentines Day (or the day after, when she reminded you), fur coats, and trinkets. Oh, the trinkets!

    Now let's look at the alternative. You swan down to Soi Nana in Bangkok. Let's call it the epicentre of the universe, just for illustrative purposes you understand. You browse the 3-D living blackboard menu on stage, with the soup of the day changing everyday, with Chef invariably offering a specialty of the house.

    Let's say you're between 35-45, slightly overweight and balding (ie, you possess all the best attributes of the male species!). According to the website www.bangkokbargirls.info someone of that description would averagely be paying 1,195.12 baht for a Bounce With Mr Wobbly at Soi Nana with a medianly attractive girl who can joke and have some fun with you. (Face it, fellow stud bulls, we're paying more than Mel Gibson would have to.) Now let's throw in 250 baht for ladies drinks, 300 baht for a short-time hotel room, and 500 baht as bar-fine. That's a grand total of $2,245.12 baht for the satisfaction of the One-eyed Wonder Worm. At 43 baht to the dollar that's - dadaaaaaah!!!! - a Cost-per-Knob of just $52.21 to put a smile on the face of the Bald-headed Butler. All in. And you don't have to discuss her feelings afterwards. Even if you did a personal best of 0 to 100 in 7.8 seconds so you could get back to watch the second half of the game!

    So ladies and genitals, irrefutable proof of what you always thought: it's cheaper to buy a litre of milk as required rather than the whole cow. Paying for sex is cheaper. And the golden rule I'm dispensing for free here is this: if it flies, floats or fucks, you're better off renting it.

    Cop you later,

    Colonel Ken
     
  14. Dakota rube

    Dakota rube Well-Known Member

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    In this day and age I'd venture to say that it costs about $1,000,000/kid to raise them from birth through college when you factor in the cost of college.
    Pure, unadulterated bullshit.
     
  15. The Louche

    The Louche Well-Known Member

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    Pure, unadulterated bullshit.


    You got a better figure? College alone will likely cost at least $250,000 in about 20 years. I mean Christ, my college education cost about $100,000 (no interst factored in - paid in cash) and that was starting 9 years ago. And only at a State school. In state! What if the kid wants to go to a private school? Or even out of state? Come on...
     
  16. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

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    agreed, kids are expensive as hell. i have 3 and have been saving for college since their birth and at this rate, they will graduate HS with about a yr solid of tuition each. that said, at 18 you are an adult and i don;t feel it is a parent's obligation to pay for their child's college tuition in entirety. i'd rather they took loans like a grown up and then helped them pay for a wedding/house/etc.

    no body gave me anything to get through school, my kids can do the same (although, yes, I am saving for them). but I am not sacrificing my retirement for their college education.
     
  17. kwilkinson

    kwilkinson Well-Known Member

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    You got a better figure? College alone will likely cost at least $250,000 in about 20 years. I mean Christ, my college education cost about $100,000 (no interst factored in - paid in cash) and that was starting 9 years ago. And only at a State school. In state! What if the kid wants to go to a private school? Or even out of state? Come on...

    Your parents paid 100k for your education? Absolutely no student loans?
     
  18. gdl203

    gdl203 Well-Known Member

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    Are we talking constant dollars here? 2029 dollars are not worth the same as 2009 dollars
     
  19. thekunk07

    thekunk07 Well-Known Member

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    QFT. my accountant said a 529 is the dumbest thing i could be doing right now, especially at the behest of more pressing needs.


    no body gave me anything to get through school, my kids can do the same (although, yes, I am saving for them). but I am not sacrificing my retirement for their college education.
     
  20. The Louche

    The Louche Well-Known Member

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    Your parents paid 100k for your education? Absolutely no student loans?


    Absolutely. My dad paid for all three of us. I would feel remiss to do anything other than pay for my own childern's education as well.
     

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