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Big relationship trouble!

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by JetBlast, Jan 3, 2007.

  1. JetBlast

    JetBlast Well-Known Member

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    I hope so.

    Yes, they all seem to be showing up on the radio around this time [​IMG]

    I know I want to be because I am an emotional person who wants somebody to love. Yes I have my hobbies and interests to love but that isn't the same as a human being. I know life isn't a Hallmark card, if it was, none of this would have happened in the first place. I know that I should try different girls but I have never been able to get girls in the first place so I feel lucky that I have found one.

    No. There's nothing I can do.

    Brian
     
  2. Drinkwaters

    Drinkwaters Well-Known Member

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    Brian,
    I now feel and I'm sure everyone who has chimed in on this one will say that you have a serious problem with denial of reality. Until you face the music on this one, you will be damaging your mental psyche on relationships and love. Although this happening in your life has effected your self esteem, you need to grasp the fact that love comes and goes and there is no way to control those forces. The more you try to make things happen as you have divised them to, the less they will occur. I and many others have had these experiences you are trying to overcome and we have all told you that it is fruitless. Save yourself from any furture damage and find Brian, who needs to learn to love himself first.

    Gary
     
  3. Matt

    Matt Well-Known Member

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    When she realizes that she has a friend who is there for her, she will find that most endearing.
    ...and then not sleep with you.
     
  4. JetBlast

    JetBlast Well-Known Member

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    Gary,
    I know I have a problem with not facing the facts in this situation. I am aware this is most likely not going to work out, she is too good for me anyway, but I just don't want that to happen. I prefer not to think about this ending even though I know what is going to happen.

    You just watch, I'll get an invitation to her wedding in 10 years, and we'll see how I feel then.

    Brian
     
  5. Matt

    Matt Well-Known Member

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    I'll get an invitation to her wedding in 10 years
    In 10 years you will be sitting on whatever-the-2017-technological-equivalent-of-a-forum-is when some 15 year old shows up with a very similar story. You will recount this tale of woe to him...and he will respond "You just dont understand. With Us It's Different" Then he will proceed to make the same mistakes I did 15 yrs ago, and you are now. And you'll feel for the kid, shrug, and walk away. Feel for you kid. *shrug* Im done...good luck Brian.
     
  6. lawyerdad

    lawyerdad Well-Known Member

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    Gary,
    I know I have a problem with not facing the facts in this situation. I am aware this is most likely not going to work out, she is too good for me anyway, but I just don't want that to happen. I prefer not to think about this ending even though I know what is going to happen.

    You just watch, I'll get an invitation to her wedding in 10 years, and we'll see how I feel then.

    Brian

    It has nothing to do with you not being good enough. That's one of the things you need to get some perspective on. You're a nice, smart, articulate, good-looking guy. Attraction is a weird, idiosyncratic thing. You're going to meet lots of girls who really dig you, and lots who don't. It's important that you let go of this moderately fetishized non-relationship and start considering the possibility of having actual relationships with other girls. Once that happens, you'll start to realize that girls are going to fall into the "dig me" or "don't dig me" camp according to a pattern that looks a lot more like random distribution than it does a sorting between "too good for me" and "not too good for me". You're going to meet some incredibly hot, smart, exciting girls who like you, and some unattractive, unbalanced, manipulative girls who like (or at least want) you. If you don't get your head straight about this, you'll keep ending up with the latter because you don't pursue the former and feel you're supposed to settle for the latter. You're also going to meet extremely attractive girls who won't give you the time of day, and butt-ugly obnoxious girls who respond the same way. Nothing you can do about that, but in time you'll realize that it has nothing to do with the "quality" of the girls.
     
  7. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

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    In 10 years you will be sitting on whatever-the-2017-technological-equivalent-of-a-forum-is when some 15 year old shows up with a very similar story.

    You will recount this tale of woe to him...and he will respond "You just dont understand. With Us It's Different"

    Then he will proceed to make the same mistakes I did 15 yrs ago, and you are now.

    And you'll feel for the kid, shrug, and walk away.

    Feel for you kid.

    *shrug

    Im done...good luck Brian.


    yup
     
  8. Ambulance Chaser

    Ambulance Chaser Well-Known Member

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    I usually hate messages typed in all caps, but in this case I think it's appropriate: YOU NEED TO MOVE ON. NOW. YOUR BEHAVIOR IS NOT HEALTHY. If the message is not sinking in, you may want to watch the Halloween episode of Peanuts. Or, if you are more literary minded, read Waiting For Godot.

    Lawyerdad speaks the truth. There have been women who I thought were way out of my league who liked me and women who I thought were well within my league who didn't. Relationships, like sporting events, are not made on paper. If they were, there wouldn't have been any reason to play the football game last night.
     
  9. JetBlast

    JetBlast Well-Known Member

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    I see the points you all are making. I think I will probably end up being heartbroken (again! [​IMG] ) and making my way back into single living. Oooh what fun.

    For now I just want to be friends with her. Any suggestions on how I could do that?

    Brian
     
  10. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

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    I see the points you all are making. I think I will probably end up being heartbroken (again! [​IMG] ) and making my way back into single living. Oooh what fun.

    For now I just want to be friends with her. Any suggestions on how I could do that?

    Brian


    no, pay careful attention, Brian, focus - do not be friends with her, do not stalk her, leave her alone and find somebody else to play with.

    jesus, how hard is this to sink in?
     
  11. swisloc

    swisloc Well-Known Member

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    no, pay careful attention, Brian, focus - do not be friends with her, do not stalk her, leave her alone and find somebody else to play with.

    jesus, how hard is this to sink in?


    exactly! you can't be friends with her until your feelings for her go away. maybe not even then. whether you admit it or not, the ONLY reason you would want to be friends with her now is because you have feelings for her/are still infatuated with her in a non-friendly way. Trust us. don't talk to her and don't try to be friends with her for a few months and someone else will come along and the dance will begin again, only this time you will have foresight!
     
  12. JetBlast

    JetBlast Well-Known Member

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    Very hard, actually. I actually do not see how not talking to her will help things. If it's worked for you, okay, but I don't see how not talking will work. If she wants me to go away, that's okay too, but she needs to tell me that. She said she still wants to talk so I don't want to isolate myself this time. And I'm not going to stalk her either. I'm not that crazy. [​IMG] You also say to "find somebody else to play with" like it is easy for me. I am a very enclosed person so just "moving onto someone else" isn't easy for me. Not to mention I still have feelings for this one girl.
    Why wouldn't I be able to be friends with her? Like I said, I don't see how not talking will fix the problem here. I must seem like the most hard-headed person on the face of the earth, and that is probably because I am the most hard-headed person on the face of the earth [​IMG] If I have something in my sights I am determined to get it unless it is completely impossible, and to me that means that she has to say face-to-face that she doesn't want to be with me. When that happens, I'll pick my ass up and move on. Brian
     
  13. flashback

    flashback Well-Known Member

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    ugh, listen to yourself. Put yourself in her shoes... would you want someone putting you in the position of having to say "STOP TALKING TO ME, I dont want to be with you" ??? No-one likes being mean and hurting someone else. Girls want you to "take a hint" as they say.

    Honestly, if you really really REALLY love this girl and want to regain her interest, the absolute best thing to do is to move on, take an interest in other girls, go on with your life, etc. Anything that shows you aren't hung up on her. This is the #1 thing you can do to salvage anything with the girl. If you just pursue pursue pursue her endlessly she will NEVER have an interest in you. However, if you move on with your life and she sees that you aren't needy, that you don't NEED her, and that you actually have a life outside of her, she MAY come back with an interest in you.

    You have pages of advice from people who are wiser and more experienced than you. You can do the 15 year old thing to do which is ignore all the advice and try to do it your way, or you can take a leap of faith that all these people advising you actually know what they're talking about, and maybe, just maybe, at 15 years old you don't really know what is best for you. Choose wisely.
     
  14. Get Smart

    Get Smart Well-Known Member

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    she's never going to tell you to go away and not talk to her. so if yer waiting for that conversation it won't happen.

    she's hoping either: 1) you get the hint and initiate it yourself or 2) stick around and be her punching bag/shoulder to lean on while she bangs other guys and never you

    it's really simple: you don't initiate any contact with her. if she talks to you, don't be a jerk and ignore her, but keep it distant/friendly. don't fall into the trap of "oh I think she's coming around and might want a relationship". that ship has sailed. basically, treat her like the fat nice girl who you are amiable with but prefer to keep conversations brief, even cut off short
     
  15. swisloc

    swisloc Well-Known Member

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    Why wouldn't I be able to be friends with her? Like I said, I don't see how not talking will fix the problem here.

    I must seem like the most hard-headed person on the face of the earth, and that is probably because I am the most hard-headed person on the face of the earth [​IMG] If I have something in my sights I am determined to get it unless it is completely impossible, and to me that means that she has to say face-to-face that she doesn't want to be with me. When that happens, I'll pick my ass up and move on.


    you won't be able to be friends with her because of the situation you just described. you JUST SAID you won't consider it over until she tells you face-to-face that it's over... that is NOT a friendly situation, especially since she knows how you actually feel about her.

    plus, to all the "Say Anything" posters...my girlfriend just made an "I Heart Lloyd Dobler" tee-shirt... he kicks the shit out of Jake Ryan.
     
  16. Get Smart

    Get Smart Well-Known Member

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    speaking of movie cliche lines that speak the truth...

    When Harry Met Sally....billy crystal's mantra is "men and women can't be friends" and the one scenario where's he spot on is if you are romantically interested in the girl. I've found that you can be friends with hot chicks but only after you've banged them a few times and gotten that out of your system. I know you're looking for "true love" and all that idealistic broohaha but that's not how things always work in real life.
     
  17. Drinkwaters

    Drinkwaters Well-Known Member

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    Very hard, actually. I actually do not see how not talking to her will help things. If it's worked for you, okay, but I don't see how not talking will work. If she wants me to go away, that's okay too, but she needs to tell me that. She said she still wants to talk so I don't want to isolate myself this time. And I'm not going to stalk her either. I'm not that crazy. [​IMG]
    You also say to "find somebody else to play with" like it is easy for me. I am a very enclosed person so just "moving onto someone else" isn't easy for me. Not to mention I still have feelings for this one girl.


    Why wouldn't I be able to be friends with her? Like I said, I don't see how not talking will fix the problem here.

    I must seem like the most hard-headed person on the face of the earth, and that is probably because I am the most hard-headed person on the face of the earth [​IMG] If I have something in my sights I am determined to get it unless it is completely impossible, and to me that means that she has to say face-to-face that she doesn't want to be with me. When that happens, I'll pick my ass up and move on.

    Brian


    Brian,

    I agree with you that not speaking with her will just alienate you from your true desire to be her friend and be close to her no matter if it's a relationship of love or friendship. There is a way to be civil and not tarnish what you have already forged. Just be careful of not letting your lustful desires show through or that will push her away.
    Brian, she is never going to say she doesn't want to be with you unless you push her to take that step that apparently she's trying hard not to do. That's just taking the course of deliberately banishing you from her life and making the two of you enemies, which I know the both of you don't want.
    So,SUCK IT UP! MOVE ON! BUY A DOG!(there you will find unrequited love) FIND SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE!(because in a year from now, you will not be of legal age for her to carry on this relationship with you!)START BEING A MAN ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IT"S GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN TO YOU IN YOUR LIFETIME!

    Gary
     
  18. globetrotter

    globetrotter Well-Known Member

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    Very hard, actually. I actually do not see how not talking to her will help things. If it's worked for you, okay, but I don't see how not talking will work. If she wants me to go away, that's okay too, but she needs to tell me that. She said she still wants to talk so I don't want to isolate myself this time. And I'm not going to stalk her either. I'm not that crazy. [​IMG]
    You also say to "find somebody else to play with" like it is easy for me. I am a very enclosed person so just "moving onto someone else" isn't easy for me. Not to mention I still have feelings for this one girl.


    Why wouldn't I be able to be friends with her? Like I said, I don't see how not talking will fix the problem here.

    I must seem like the most hard-headed person on the face of the earth, and that is probably because I am the most hard-headed person on the face of the earth [​IMG] If I have something in my sights I am determined to get it unless it is completely impossible, and to me that means that she has to say face-to-face that she doesn't want to be with me. When that happens, I'll pick my ass up and move on.

    Brian



    Brian, Brian, Brian.... you aren't the most hard header person in the world, you are a 15 year old boy, full of raging hormones, and whose brain hasn't yet fully formed.

    here's the deal - pretty much all of us have navigated this situation, with out help, and we survived. in the history of men, nobody has ever gotten through this situation and said "boy, am I happy I stuck to my guns, because eventually she gave in and we lived happily ever after".

    what is the absolute best case scenario? lets say she does tell you she loves you - you get married at 18 and spend the rest of your life with an older girl who knows she can boss you around for the rest of your life, that you have no soul or independence of your own.


    and that is the best case scenario. realistically, she will continue to use you to fill in the time when she has nothing interesting to do, and not allowing you to have time to get a real life.


    anyway, you have the right to be misrable, so go ahead. good luck.
     
  19. JetBlast

    JetBlast Well-Known Member

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    To be completely honest if I didn't want someone to talk to me, I would tell them.

    Well I guess that is the plan then. Completely ignore her. I guess you all don't understand that she said she doesn't want to stop talking but I'm going to have to take action first.

    I don't know why people keep insisting I find people my own age, I have looked all around my school and work and there is no one. For now I'll just stay by myself and if someone else comes along I can make a move and screw up that relationship too.

    Boss me around? No. She has never told me what to do or in any way made me feel like I am hers to do whatever she wants. I can still have a soul and independence, my Dad is married and he still takes me to Hooters. My mom has no problem with that [​IMG]

    Thank you for the enlightening comments.

    I think that's about it for this thread, I'm pretty sure any relationship we had is done at this point because of my stupidness. I guess I will just use this as an example for later.
    Everyone's advice really helped me through this thing, and I appreciate it.
    And a note for anyone else reading this thread- don't lie in a relationship. Otherwise you'll screw it up like I did, and it won't work.

    Again thanks for the support for those of you who gave it.

    Brian
     
  20. lawyerdad

    lawyerdad Well-Known Member

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    BUY A DOG!(there you will find unrequited love)
    I think you mean "requited", unless you're a dog-hater. [​IMG]
     

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