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23, in a 2.5 year relationship, feeling super restless, please advise

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by P. Bateman, Aug 20, 2010.

  1. P. Bateman

    P. Bateman Well-Known Member

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    I'm 23 and have been dating a wonderful girl for about 2.5 years now. She's good to me, family loves her, I love her family, but lately I've been feeling freaked out about us lately. Simply put I feel too young to be this emotionally involved. I feel we're on the road to marriage (possibly not any time soon, but on our way) and there's too much I haven't done or experienced. All my buddies are out chasing tail and having fun and I feel like an old married guy. I just feel too young to be in this situation. She doesn't actively keep me down or anything but the fact that we're so comfortable with each other the motivation to go out and hit the town isn't there. We stay in a lot.

    I hit the bar last night with friends and was flirting with a girl. It was all squared away and exhilerating but because I could never do that to my GF I pulled the girlfriend card during the kiss/hug goodbye and ran away. Sucked, but I couldn't do that to my girlfriend.

    If the GF and I were dating maybe 8 years from now, it'd be great, but at this age I feel restless. Further I don't feel it'd be healthy to sweep these feelings under the rug now only to have them explode later in life when I'm married and reflecting upon missed experiences/opportunities as a young man. She loves me so much and is so invested I feel like such an asshole for having these thoughts and don't want to hurt her, but I don't know what to do.
     
  2. FLMountainMan

    FLMountainMan Well-Known Member

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  3. Hombre Secreto

    Hombre Secreto Well-Known Member

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    Ask her if she feels the same way, but mask the questions in away she won't feel something is up with you. I think you genuinely care about her, but I don't think you're in love with her. If you stay with her you will probably end up resenting her for you wasting your youth with her, and that wouldn't be fair to her. Better to let things out right now when there is no kids involved.
     
  4. texas_jack

    texas_jack Well-Known Member

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    break up. You'll have the rest of your life to be in boring/loving relationships. You don't want to hit 45 and be angry at all the hot young poon you missed out on but are too old to enjoy.
     
  5. mordecai

    mordecai Well-Known Member

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    a man on his own has the whole world. mated, he's only got half.

    ...on the other hand, condoms [​IMG]
     
  6. MrG

    MrG Well-Known Member

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    A) There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. You're only in the wrong if you start acting on this stuff before you end it with your girlfriend.

    B) If you already feel this way, I wouldn't give your relationship much hope of surviving long-term. The fact is that there's opportunity cost either way. If you stay with the girl you're missing out on all the things you list, if you break it off and start chasing girls you're missing out on the potential in that relationship. Right now it sounds to me like you value the freedom of being 23 over what the relationship provides, and if you don't take the time to experience that freedom it could really be a problem down the line (something of which you seem quite aware).

    I can't tell you what to do, but I can give you anecdotal advice: I know four couples who married before age 25. Half of them were divorced before they hit 30. I'm one of the two that have made it (I'm 31), and I have a great marriage. I was like you, I started dating my wife at 20, and we married a couple months after I turned 24. Given we were so young when we got together, we have a relationship that is unique compared to those couples I know who were older when they got together. However, if I'm being honest I have to admit I realize I missed out on a lot of experiences my friends had, but I never questioned whether it was worth it. I always knew I'd rather be with MrsG. It doesn't sound to me like you can make that statement about your relationship, so that alone makes me wonder if it's the right thing for you at the moment.
     
  7. Pinhas

    Pinhas Well-Known Member

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  8. sho'nuff

    sho'nuff Well-Known Member

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    I'm 23 and have been dating a wonderful girl for about 2.5 years now. She's good to me, family loves her, I love her family, but lately I've been feeling freaked out about us lately. Simply put I feel too young to be this emotionally involved. I feel we're on the road to marriage (possibly not any time soon, but on our way) and there's too much I haven't done or experienced. All my buddies are out chasing tail and having fun and I feel like an old married guy. I just feel too young to be in this situation. She doesn't actively keep me down or anything but the fact that we're so comfortable with each other the motivation to go out and hit the town isn't there. We stay in a lot.

    I hit the bar last night with friends and was flirting with a girl. It was all squared away and exhilerating but because I could never do that to my GF I pulled the girlfriend card during the kiss/hug goodbye and ran away. Sucked, but I couldn't do that to my girlfriend.

    If the GF and I were dating maybe 8 years from now, it'd be great, but at this age I feel restless. Further I don't feel it'd be healthy to sweep these feelings under the rug now only to have them explode later in life when I'm married and reflecting upon missed experiences/opportunities as a young man. She loves me so much and is so invested I feel like such an asshole for having these thoughts and don't want to hurt her, but I don't know what to do.



    youre a good man to break out that gf card and run away and that you have that sort of conscience. it is ok to have those feelings. to be excited to feel exhiliration, and to try new things. it is up to you. lot of times these feelings of inadequacy comes up when you compare yourself to others. you see your friends to what they do and you look at what you do.
    if you cant be happy then get out of the relationship. call it quits. of course it will be hard due to the feeling of attachment being severed. but once that's over it's a whole new world, but that is up to you.
    just remember, even in marriage, even when you believe you found your truest soul mate or the best gal in the wolrd, you will eventually still have those feelings well up. i do. it is natural. but to act upon it, or , to man up and control those feelings, is entirely up to each individual.
     
  9. mordecai

    mordecai Well-Known Member

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    I hit the bar last night with friends and was flirting with a girl. It was all squared away and exhilerating but because I could never do that to my GF I pulled the girlfriend card during the kiss/hug goodbye and ran away. Sucked, but I couldn't do that to my girlfriend.
    .


    BTW, women hate it when you do this.
     
  10. CDFS

    CDFS Well-Known Member

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    Nothing worse in life then regret!
    True. On the other hand I've regretted for a long time the break-up choice I made in a similar situation. Sometimes I still do. Maybe that's me. Moral being. Think befor you act, but in the end you won't know until the weeks/months after any decission if it was the right one.
     
  11. sho'nuff

    sho'nuff Well-Known Member

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    And another thing, not sure if you were being literal about it, but constantly staying in with your gf will make life a bit boring sure no matter who she is.
    Going out doesn't necessarily mean hitting bars and chasing tail (the sf single guy's definition I guess).
    I go out all the time with my wife we're always doing something from just having fun, visiting places, trying new restaurants, meeting family and friends, running chores, driving somewhere far who knows where, and whatever.
     
  12. MrG

    MrG Well-Known Member

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    And another thing, not sure if you were being literal about it, but constantly staying in with your gf will make life a bit boring sure no matter who she is.
    Going out doesn't necessarily mean hitting bars and chasing tail (the sf single guy's definition I guess).
    I go out all the time with my wife we're always doing something from just having fun, visiting places, trying new restaurants, meeting family and friends, running chores, driving somewhere far who knows where, and whatever.


    +1 Monontony will kill any relationship, regardless of how good it is.

    To the OP, get out and have some fun with the girlfriend, and see how you feel after that. One of the things, I think, that kept me with MrsG is the fact that we're both very social.
     
  13. Quatsch

    Quatsch Well-Known Member

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    Same thing happened to me when I was about 20 and had been dating the same girl for nearly 4 years. High school sweetheart. I broke it off. One of the single best decisions I've ever made.
     
  14. Monaco

    Monaco Well-Known Member

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    Or you might never meet another girl like her and never forgive yourself for letting this one go. You're only feeling restless because of you. Other men feel restless because of HER.
     
  15. sho'nuff

    sho'nuff Well-Known Member

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    However, if I'm being honest I have to admit I realize I missed out on a lot of experiences my friends had, but I never questioned whether it was worth it. I always knew I'd rather be with MrsG.

    this is the key right here.


    so many people (and sfers) when talking about relationships the formula always revolves around "me". is this a good investment? should i get a prenup? what am i missing? how does this look to others? should i do this to my so? should i say that to my so? blahblahblah.
    they separate their SO from themselves. the SO is looked upon as an article. an investment. an accessory. how sad.

    your SO (or more specifically, your wife) is you. youre one.
    Sfers dont get that paradigm

    if these people knew truly what it means to be in a relationship with someone you really love these questions dont arise.

    i dont give a dam what it looks to others because i do or respond because it makes my wife happy. i dont give a dam any other way.
     
  16. Joffrey

    Joffrey Well-Known Member

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    Stay with her, but demand that she allow you to get your dick wet elsewhere until it's out of your system. If she says no, she isn't committed enough to the relationship and you can dump her.
     
  17. Nouveau Pauvre

    Nouveau Pauvre Well-Known Member

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    Talk to someone who grew up in the bitter, toxic environment that results from a young twenties marriage going south.
     
  18. P. Bateman

    P. Bateman Well-Known Member

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    Thanks guys. There is some really great advice in here. I'm going to let her know how I've been feeling. I had this talk with her once before but she basically talked me out of it. That was about two months ago and I'm back into the rut. I'm also going to try going out more and breaking the monotony and see if that changes things. The open relationship is another option which I think I'm open to, but I don't know how that would affect things longterm.

    Sometimes I think I'm just too nice. My last serious relationship in college went on so long partly because I couldn't bring myself to have the breakup talk for fear of hurting her. I only was able to do it when the breakup became a mutual endeavor and that took extra time. I hate hurting people I care about.
     
  19. TheButler

    TheButler Well-Known Member

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    Talk to someone who grew up in the bitter, toxic environment that results from a young twenties marriage going south.
    Meh. You can find examples of married couples at all ages living in bitter, toxic environments. Correlation does not demonstrate causality.
     
  20. ter1413

    ter1413 Well-Known Member

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    +1 Monontony will kill any relationship, regardless of how good it is.

    To the OP, get out and have some fun with the girlfriend, and see how you feel after that. One of the things, I think, that kept me with MrsG is the fact that we're both very social.


    100%. AND, tell her to go out with her friends and you go out with yours. Being together ALL the time is taking it's toll on both of you(or at least you!) Staying home at this age is not the way to go! You both need to meet and be with other people!
    Remember..out of site is not out of mind...She won't break if she(and you) go out and have some fun w/o each other!
    And if she doesn't want to do that and just saty homme...BOUNCE my friend!
     

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