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21st century women can be difficult

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by SirGrotius, May 7, 2011.

  1. SirGrotius

    SirGrotius Well-Known Member

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    I'm a new dad, and my wife and I have been married about five years. I married a very progressive, 21st century woman. We dated a long time before marriage, too.

    I work long hours (60+ a week), but bring in a comfortable standard of living. My wife does not work anymore. She had an on-and-off again career in education, but never needed to work.

    Here's the rub, she WANTS to stay home for our newborn, and I'm cool with that but now that I'm a little older and worn out I wouldn't mind having married a less-progressive woman. I'm more stressed out when I come home than when I'm working. I come home and I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'd just love to have the smell of dinner in the house. Never. Even the mention of that expectation would be enough to have me labeled as a neanderthal. We have a house cleaner, and now we're looking in to hiring a nanny part-time too.

    My wife takes care of the baby, but I watch him mornings and for a good part of the weekends. When I get home from work I want to unwind, but instead I have to jump into taking care of the kid.

    There's a part of me that wonders if I'm an unreasonable savage and there's another part that wonders if being a liberal, 21st century male means I've lost my balls. [​IMG]
     
  2. Harold falcon

    Harold falcon Well-Known Member

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    Your desires are not unreasonable at all.
     
  3. aj_del

    aj_del Well-Known Member

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  4. texas_jack

    texas_jack Well-Known Member

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    Wait, your wife doesn't work but doesn't cook or clean? WTF is she doing all day? However, you marred her so tough titties for you.
     
  5. Neo_Version 7

    Neo_Version 7 Well-Known Member

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    I want your wife's life minus the baby.
     
  6. Grenadier

    Grenadier Well-Known Member

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    Do you want to be paying alimony in a few years?
     
  7. VelvetGreen

    VelvetGreen Well-Known Member

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    Surely a progressive woman believes in equal division of labour and responsibilities?

    Are you going to go easy on her because she is a woman and your wife? By the sounds of things, you would cook dinner and look after the kid if she was working.

    You can hardly be a progressive man if you're not eating.
     
  8. texas_jack

    texas_jack Well-Known Member

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    Surely a progressive woman believes in equal division of labour and responsibilities?

    Are you going to go easy on her because she is a woman and your wife? By the sounds of things, you would cook dinner and look after the kid if she was working.

    You can hardly be a progressive man if you're not eating.


    I don't think op's wife is progressive, just lazy. I know plenty of progressive women and they understand division of labor.
     
  9. Huntsman

    Huntsman Well-Known Member

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    If there's no partnership, where is the relationship? That's sort of a fundamental thing -- the difference about "modern" if you will, relationships is that the roles aren't pre-defined. But there still needs to be partnership. ~ H
     
  10. acidboy

    acidboy Well-Known Member

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    I don't know, man... your wife just carried your child for 9 months and had to go through labor to bring the child out, plus ppd is always a possibility... I'd cut her some slack for now.
     
  11. texas_jack

    texas_jack Well-Known Member

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    I don't know, man... your wife just carried your child for 9 months and had to go through labor to bring the child out, plus ppd is always a possibility... I'd cut her some slack for now.

    What he really needs to do is tell her how he feels not us. I'm sure there is a midpoint they can meet at like he gets 45 minutes of alone time when he gets home from work or something.
     
  12. HORNS

    HORNS Well-Known Member

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    I have a close friend who has a very similar situation that recently ended in divorce this past year - after 15 years of marriage. OP needs to address this before this type of relationship becomes entrenched or he will do whatever it takes to spend beyond those 60+ hours a week somewhere besides home.
     
  13. cross22

    cross22 Well-Known Member

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    This is actually quite common, I have several friends in the same boat. It will progressively get worse for you when the second kid comes and the children start to grow up.
     
  14. SirGrotius

    SirGrotius Well-Known Member

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    Definitely raised the issue and her argument is she is always on with the kid while I at least get to go out to lunch etc. It's a bad bad thing. You're right.
     
  15. MetroStyles

    MetroStyles Well-Known Member

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    I'm far from a marriage expert. But I cannot imagine the marriage continuing happily if you feel trapped in a stressful cycle of work in the office and more work at home without a wife who understands and is willing to help out.
     
  16. BlackShoes

    BlackShoes Well-Known Member

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    Pro tip; looking after a baby is not a fully engaging activity. Women for generations managed to simultaneously look after babies, clean the house and cook their husband a meal, even without all our modern labour saving devices. You sound like you are being taken for a ride.

    I would correct the situation quickly, a non working wife will pwn you in divorce court, which would seem the natural place for this to end up.
     
  17. Dibidoolandas

    Dibidoolandas Active Member

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    Pro tip; looking after a baby is not a fully engaging activity. Women for generations managed to simultaneously look after babies, clean the house and cook their husband a meal, even without all our modern labour saving devices. You sound like you are being taken for a ride.

    I would correct the situation quickly, a non working wife will pwn you in divorce court, which would seem the natural place for this to end up.


    I agree. In the natural world, females have to care for their young often without the help of a male all the while looking for food for the both of them and avoiding being killed by any number of hazards.

    That being said, how old is the baby? PPD is a possibility... Otherwise I would treat the subject gently and maybe think about going to a marriage counselor who could talk about the subject without seeming like he's attacking her (or you for that matter).
     
  18. gwolf

    gwolf Well-Known Member

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    i thought this thread was going to be about dating single moms w/ 2 kids...





    wasn't january jones' character in mad men like that?
     
  19. MrG

    MrG Well-Known Member

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    Add me to the list of people who think your situation is a little ridiculous. As someone alluded to above, it sound to me more like laziness than progressiveness. Basically, you're both working during the day, you at the office, she with the baby, but she expects you to take over her job when you get home. That's completely unfair.

    The above said, she probably sorely needs some time without the baby. You might be able to get her to compromise a bit more if you came up with a way for her to get some time to herself, even if it's just a few hours on Saturday afternoon.
     
  20. Carlisle Blues

    Carlisle Blues Well-Known Member

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    It is a sucky situation for both of you. Perhaps Postpartum Depression has reared it's ugly head. take a look at your relationship prior to the baby and you my get some answers. I do not beleive in this 21st cen woman crap. This is the relationship style you both have chosen she is exerting her will here. You have the option to exert yours.

    I will say this. Being the primary caretaker of a new born, cooking, shopping, climbing on roofs, earning a full time paycheck and doing all sorts of stuff traditionally done by both sexes leads to a living hell....
     

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