Do you enjoy being married? - Page 3

This fascinates me, and it seems to be a bit of a contradiction.

By this standard shouldn't your partner enhance your prospects for greatness if they bring out the best in you?

Greatness in terms of accomplishment, invention or revolution. Being married demands a great deal of your time and attention yet creates (too much) satisfaction.

You can be at your personal best as an individual, but at the expense the extraordinary drive you once had.

But if you're not satisfied, or really don't care - then you're all good.

It isn't for everyone but it suits me.

+2
Some lucky ones find their mate in high school and that's fine- others not 'til later in life and that's fine too.
The worst advice I've ever heard was given to a couple that met in grade achool and were the most obviously pair bonded couple I've ever seen. The advice was to date other people. while their situation was fairly unique, the cautionary tale is that you can find the right one at any time.

the guy that gave the advice got divorced after 3 years.

To answer the OP question. No not particularly..I do like the sex though..one big upside. I am often reminded of the line about the mafia "its is easy to get into but very diificult to get out of"

I had little doubts in the back of my mind that this girl was "the one" but we were in our late 20's and all our friends were getting married, she was pushing for a ring (sound familiar). Looking back now I should have listened to those little voices. Nothing terrible has happened between us but bottom line is I dont think I was head over heals In Love with her way back when the way I should have been to get married. I recognize that now.

We get on ok, I would say. There has been lots of fight and conflicts over the years about the usual things. I think one of the most important things in a marraige is for both people to have a great sense of humour or to put it another way to laugh at the same things. We have totally different senses of humour and that creates its own problems and conflicts.

I would think if we did not have young kids we would possibly have gone our seperate ways by now, but with kids and financial obligations it becomes a lot harder to seriously consider this option. Dont get me wrong we dont hate each other, I would say we have more a room mate relationship if that makes sense. We both love the kids and have created a nice home and life for them. And boy do I miss chasing skirt. Sorry for the rambling post....it is what it is as they say. I know there are many, many men and women just like me stuck in marraiges that never admit it publically for all the obvious reasons.

^ Quite the first post.

The love has to be mutual. Unfortunately, those whom you love immensely don't necessarily love you back the same way and thats a bitter pill to swallow.

Gotcha now. I agree. Marry a person only for who they are, not for whom you wish/think/desire they might become.

I agree with what you're saying, and also think it might be something of a factor of age. Most people start to trade in some stability and safety as they age. Think of all the great men in history, that had their seminal moments prior to turning 30.

Ditto on all the points except the last--I was 35. So I waited even longer. I hated dating too. It was too much of a test with many women. When I'm not with my wife, I often wish I were. I enjoy some alone time or time with friends, but overwhelmingly if I'm by myself I wish my wife were there because we'd have something to share--like a snide comment about someone.

Oddly, of my friends, only two have divorced. One was due to a far too quick marriage at far too young of an age. He is now remarried for 8 or so years. The other was very recent and in a marriage that took place in their late 20s/early 30s. So who knows.

b

Why can't you let me have my fun?



The brain doesn't fully mature until the mid-20s. Cognition matures much earlier, but various aspects involving reality assessement do not complete their physiological development until later.



My level 1 explanation is that we both had parents who were very unhappily married and then divorced, and this did not make the institution of marriage seem particularly useful. Moreover, neither of us are religious. My level 2 explanation is that while she would have married me even before I noticed her, I associated marriage with one of the steps that you take toward death.

I changed my mind, though. Every step you take is a step toward death.


Mmmmm...popcorn...carbs....


- B

....

To know me is to love me.

Wow. Your post makes me sad. Do you want to try to make your marriage more than a "roommate relationship"? Seems to me you have a foundation, at least.

Do I want to make my marraige more than a roommate relationship? At this point I am not sure. I am not one for long sessions at the marraige therapist/counselling office if thats what you mean. We go through the motions of married life ok. I guess I am somewhat content with the status quo. I am first to admit I like alot of the trappings of marraige like a comfortable home life, great kids, holidays with the extended family, status it brings etc. I have more than many so i really need to shut up least I come accross as whining, but I really am in awe of those married couples that are in love and genuinely enjoy married life together after many years.

Really the aim of my post was not about me per se but as a public service I guess to anyone about to or thinking about marraige.