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Do you enjoy being married? - Page 13

post #181 of 196
Here is an interesting aside. In India, the vast majority of marriages are still arranged by parents, but "love" marriages are increasingly common. Interestingly, when parents are involved, they choose a very different spouse for their child than the child would on their own (and, for the econ geeks, this does not appear to be caused by selection across marriage mechanisms). For example, parents choose a spouse with less education than their son would choose on his own. Here is a writeup in The Atlantic on the paper that describes this phenomenon. Edit: Why I posted this in this thread... when the author first started on this research, one of the questions she was interested in answering was "are people in love marriages happier than those in arranged marriages?" She was never able to convincingly tackle this, but I think her results provide fascinating insight on the dynamics of extended families.
post #182 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaxixi View Post
Here is an interesting aside.

In India, the vast majority of marriages are still arranged by parents, but "love" marriages are increasingly common. Interestingly, when parents are involved, they choose a very different spouse for their child than the child would on their own (and, for the econ geeks, this does not appear to be caused by selection across marriage mechanisms). For example, parents choose a spouse with less education than their son would choose on his own.

Here is a writeup in The Atlantic on the paper that describes this phenomenon.

Edit: Why I posted this in this thread... when the author first started on this research, one of the questions she was interested in answering was "are people in love marriages happier than those in arranged marriages?" She was never able to convincingly tackle this, but I think her results provide fascinating insight on the dynamics of extended families.

This was a futile endeavor if she actually wanted to study this hypothesis in a quantifiable way. Really, you can only measure behavior, no? Now, she can interview until the sacred cows come home, but what people say and what they do can be two different things.

Well, I'm off to read the article after spouting off about something I don't know about. . .
post #183 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewey View Post
Not sure I'm buying the self-selection bias whinery. What I see are generally qualified people answering a question. If you want a thread with divorced guys talking about how great is divorce, and how marriage sucks, make one called "Do you enjoy being divorced?"
It seems you missed my point completely:
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinman View Post
Thank you for the kind wishes, but don't feel sorry for me. I have great friends and family who took care of me through the difficult times and I'm enjoying life right now. I freely tell people that I'm a much better person for having been married and also for having gone through a divorce. Both experiences made me take stock of who I am, decide who I want to be and what I want in life, and take the necessary steps to get there. Although I would like to be married again someday, I'm very happy right now. So marriage was a productive, life-changing experience, though not always pleasant.
To clarify: the divorce process was one of the nastiest experiences of my life, even though we had no children together and were only dividing assets. When it works well, marriage is great, but sometimes you just have to admit that you made a mistake, cut your losses (I mean emotional, not financial), and get on with life. On a happiness scale of 1-10, I'd say a great marriage is a 10, being contentedly single is probably about a 6, and being married to an abusive, lying witch is a -5. I view the pain of my divorce as the price I paid to rectify a previous mistake (marrying the woman in the first place).
post #184 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinman View Post
On a happiness scale of 1-10, I'd say a great marriage is a 10, being contentedly single is probably about a 6, and being married to an abusive, lying witch is a -5. I view the pain of my divorce as the price I paid to rectify a previous mistake (marrying the woman in the first place).
I wish I had the skill to string together words as well as you do t. This is a sane, mature two sentence summation of my experiences as well.
post #185 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dakota rube View Post
I wish I had the skill to string together words as well as you do t. This is a sane, mature two sentence summation of my experiences as well.

I am divorced too, after a short marriage. It's not a big deal. Many people think I may be depressed and so on. But I enjoy life MUCH more now that I ever did before. You could say I value singles life more now.

It's all in the head. Look at it as a learning experience and don't let anyone tell you how you should live your life. Live your life according to your beliefs and values, not outdated social stigmas, of which there are plenty.
post #186 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaxixi View Post
Here is an interesting aside.

In India, the vast majority of marriages are still arranged by parents, but "love" marriages are increasingly common. Interestingly, when parents are involved, they choose a very different spouse for their child than the child would on their own (and, for the econ geeks, this does not appear to be caused by selection across marriage mechanisms). For example, parents choose a spouse with less education than their son would choose on his own.

Here is a writeup in The Atlantic on the paper that describes this phenomenon.

Edit: Why I posted this in this thread... when the author first started on this research, one of the questions she was interested in answering was "are people in love marriages happier than those in arranged marriages?" She was never able to convincingly tackle this, but I think her results provide fascinating insight on the dynamics of extended families.

Also note India's dramatic rise in rate of divorce and the increased use of Premarital Agreements.
post #187 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by kwilkinson View Post
Damn, you failed the same class 4 times in school?
Maybe if you didn't get your entire education handed to you for no cost, you'd have taken it more seriously.

HA! Maybe. But I got out in four years, had the time of my life, and got a good job on my own. I did a lot of dumb stuff but that's what being a kid is all about.

Call me an idiot but I have a completely Machiavellian approach to education (undergrad at least); you do it for the diploma. The real learning that one experiences in undergrad has little to do with the classroom; its all about the social experience. The academic bit is a means to and end IMO.

Fight with me if you want. But anyone here who has read and enjoyed Manton's book has no gound to stand on...
post #188 of 196
Hey, if it worked out, I have nothing to argue about.
post #189 of 196
I think my wife really, really dislikes me. I always feel I am living on the edge of her anger and displeasure or that she is sending bad vibes my way.

Almost anything I like, she dislikes:

She hates my participation in the forum culture. She resents my dressing well--although she will take hours to primp before going out and spends plenty on clothes herself. She even rather resents my enjoying a good book.

I don't know why she seems to dislike me so much. I have been totally faithful. I have tried to be considerate, dependable, kind, generous and deferential to her, but it doesn't seem to help much.

At least we don't fight to any degree, and she is incomparably easier to get along with than my first two wives. Comparing notes with my friends, I think I have a fairly typical marriage, actually, and that she's a pretty typical representative of her sex.

Men who proclaim (at least after the first six months or so of marriage) that their wives are their whole world, that they are madly in love with them, that their wives are their "best friends," etc. always strike me as being either self-deluding, liars or as lucky (and uncommon) as lottery winners.
post #190 of 196
Hide the hand guns, Jan. And maybe the knives while you're at it.
post #191 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dakota rube View Post
Hide the hand guns, Jan.

And maybe the knives while you're at it.

Naw, she's never shown any proclivity toward violence in the 15+ years we've been together...unlike my first two wives!
post #192 of 196
Jan, didn't you once mention one of your prior wive's actually beat on you?
post #193 of 196
Both of them actually.

The first was fairly small but the nuttier of the two. The second was 6'1" and a fairly muscular 200+ pounds, so that was alarming. As I have mentioned before, my first wife blew herself up a few months after we got our marriage annuled. My second wife vanished mysteriously, according to her mother, a few months after our divorce became final.
post #194 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaxixi View Post
Here is an interesting aside.

In India, the vast majority of marriages are still arranged by parents, but "love" marriages are increasingly common. Interestingly, when parents are involved, they choose a very different spouse for their child than the child would on their own (and, for the econ geeks, this does not appear to be caused by selection across marriage mechanisms). For example, parents choose a spouse with less education than their son would choose on his own.

Here is a writeup in The Atlantic on the paper that describes this phenomenon.

Edit: Why I posted this in this thread... when the author first started on this research, one of the questions she was interested in answering was "are people in love marriages happier than those in arranged marriages?" She was never able to convincingly tackle this, but I think her results provide fascinating insight on the dynamics of extended families.

weird fact, even though most marriages in india are arranged, india has one of the lowest divorce rates with only 1%
post #195 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by blackdarkeye View Post
weird fact, even though most marriages in india are arranged, india has one of the lowest divorce rates with only 1%

...but increasing fast...
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