Originally Posted by shellshock
yeah he was pretty bummed and i think he still might be, he said he still wants to talk to me regularly. i didn't ask him to get me anything, and it was kind of unexpected when he brought it up and said the gift might get there after xmas. the whole staying friends thing is weird, because we were friends for several years before dating then were together for like a year and a half. i'm totally fine being friends again, and he's seemed like he is too but now i'm thinking maybe not.
I have been exactly where your ex is now, although the relationship lasted three years after being close friends for some time, not a year and a half. Anyway we broke up because we had to live in different countries. I insisted we could be friends and we stayed in regular/friendly contact. It was not good for me. The kindest thing if you are able to be friends, and he is not there yet, is to cut off contact with him. You don't have to be explicit about it, just make it very
clear there is no chance of a further relationship with you, and then try not to talk to him too much. Give him maybe six months or even longer. It took me a year to be more or less ok with it, and when she moved back to London where I live it was still very difficult seeing her just as friends after all that time. Things are a little different between us now, but for all that time trying to be friends was a bad idea. She didn't mean to be cruel, but the kindest thing she could have done after we broke up would have been to minimize contact.