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post #3286 of 3570
Yea....So I ended up getting back together with the girl I broke up with.


I know I'll get panned for this, but neither of us were happy at all seeing other people, I feel quite good about the decision.
post #3287 of 3570
Quote:
Originally Posted by APK View Post

Damn, this guy I know just got engaged to a girl he's only been in a relationship with for four months and only known for five. Maybe it's one of those "when you know, you know" type deals, but he's the type of guy who hasn't been single for more than a couple weeks total in his adult life because he gets into a relationship soon after the previous one is over.
I want to say this is at least a dozen people I know who have gotten engaged since Christmas. I'm sure our age (mid-to-late 20's) has a lot to do with it, but shit, what's the rush?


The real question is, has he ended those relationships when he knows that the person/time is not right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by APK View Post

That's fine in theory, but let's not kid ourselves that for a lot of women, marriage is the precursor to procreating. Doesn't mean the guy doesn't also want it, but based on my friends' experiences, the woman was almost always the one pushing for it.

it's pretty much the only reason I would get married. As soon as that ring is on fuck the pill.

But I would not get married before financial stability and having traveled for a year or two.
post #3288 of 3570
"Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over." - Jerry Seinfeld
post #3289 of 3570
Quote:
Originally Posted by hendrix View Post

The real question is, has he ended those relationships when he knows that the person/time is not right?
it's pretty much the only reason I would get married. As soon as that ring is on fuck the pill.
But I would not get married before financial stability and having traveled for a year or two.

- He ended one long-term relationship to be with his next long-term girlfriend. That ended when she broke up with him and within a matter of weeks, he was with his now-fiance. Maybe it's one of those "when you know, you know" things, but the history just seems to support the notion that he just doesn't enjoy being alone.

- All of my married friends with children are in financial trouble, mostly because of having children before they had the means to support that lifestyle. It doesn't help that in all of these cases, the guy is holding down a decent job, while the wife is languishing in some minimum wage job because they were more interested in getting married/starting a family than finishing college.
post #3290 of 3570
Quote:
Originally Posted by APK View Post

- He ended one long-term relationship to be with his next long-term girlfriend. That ended when she broke up with him and within a matter of weeks, he was with his now-fiance. Maybe it's one of those "when you know, you know" things, but the history just seems to support the notion that he just doesn't enjoy being alone.
- All of my married friends with children are in financial trouble, mostly because of having children before they had the means to support that lifestyle. It doesn't help that in all of these cases, the guy is holding down a decent job, while the wife is languishing in some minimum wage job because they were more interested in getting married/starting a family than finishing college.


Well, a mum that wants to be a mum isn't a bad thing in and of itself.

One decent income used to be enough to support a young family. I suppose the wives are working because they have to?

When you're pretty tight with your family, often the grandparents are 55-65 now and quite keen on helping out with the kids and also relieving a little bit of financial burden. Nothing wrong with developing a career as the kids grow up.

But yeah, if you don't have that extra support, fuck that. Nothing like financial stress to fuck up relationships.
post #3291 of 3570
Quote:
Originally Posted by hendrix View Post

Well, a mum that wants to be a mum isn't a bad thing in and of itself.
One decent income used to be enough to support a young family. I suppose the wives are working because they have to?
When you're pretty tight with your family, often the grandparents are 55-65 now and quite keen on helping out with the kids and also relieving a little bit of financial burden. Nothing wrong with developing a career as the kids grow up.
But yeah, if you don't have that extra support, fuck that. Nothing like financial stress to fuck up relationships.

Well, in my one friend's case, their financial woes stem from buying a house that was beyond their means AND needs. They bought the house because the girl's parents were supposed to live in the furnish basement and chip in on the mortgage. That lasted all of a few months before they moved out and left the young couple with a mortgage that's daunting for a couple with their income. Factor in a pair of kids and times are quite tough for them despite him bringing down a decent income for someone with an English degree.

He seems happy enough, but I do feel for him at times since he's bringing in the lion's share of the family's money, yet it was his wife who, intentionally or not, has them living beyond their means with an excessive house and two kids (the first of whom was unintentionally conceived because she got lazy with her birth control not long after they agreed to hold off on kids for several years).
post #3292 of 3570
Quote:
Originally Posted by APK View Post

Well, in my one friend's case, their financial woes stem from buying a house that was beyond their means AND needs. They bought the house because the girl's parents were supposed to live in the furnish basement and chip in on the mortgage. That lasted all of a few months before they moved out and left the young couple with a mortgage that's daunting for a couple with their income. Factor in a pair of kids and times are quite tough for them despite him bringing down a decent income for someone with an English degree.
He seems happy enough, but I do feel for him at times since he's bringing in the lion's share of the family's money, yet it was his wife who, intentionally or not, has them living beyond their means with an excessive house and two kids (the first of whom was unintentionally conceived because she got lazy with her birth control not long after they agreed to hold off on kids for several years).


Brutal.

Cant' see how it's her fault anymore than his though.


I'm just shit-scared of buying property. I know paying rent is like throwing money down the drain, but fuck having a mortgage.
post #3293 of 3570
Quote:
Originally Posted by hendrix View Post

Brutal.
Cant' see how it's her fault anymore than his though.
I'm just shit-scared of buying property. I know paying rent is like throwing money down the drain, but fuck having a mortgage.

He's a low maintenance guy and would be fine living in a house that was "merely adequate." His wife, while a fine person, is more about the expansive new house that provides more than enough room for everyone. And while they both wanted kids, he leaned more to the "let's wait a couple of years and just enjoy being married first." The reason they own their undisciplined piece of shit dog is because she insisted on getting a dog if she was going to agree to wait on having the first child. They got the dog and within a couple of months, she was conveniently with child.

Her parents really dicked them over, but I think I would have vetoed the idea of living with parents if I had just gotten married.
post #3294 of 3570
Quit trying to blame the girl. At many points the guy could've stepped in. If he chose not to or couldn't, how is it her fault only?
post #3295 of 3570
^ +1
post #3296 of 3570
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joffrey View Post

Quit trying to blame the girl. At many points the guy could've stepped in. If he chose not to or couldn't, how is it her fault only?

No, the guy definitely should shoulder some of the blame for their current predicament. As I said, he seems happy enough, so I won't begrudge him for his current position, since it sounds like he'd rather have the family life and no money versus the single life and a positive bank account balance. My above posts were merely illustrating that she's calling the shots or spearheading a lot of what they do. He could step up, of course, but then again, if he values the marriage/family lifestyle enough, he's easy going enough that he's willing to let this be the dynamic of their partnership.
post #3297 of 3570
Been dating a girl for about 5 months now. Objectively, she's got almost everything I want: cute, considerate, smart, amazing in bed... but for some reason or another, she just doesn't completely do it for me. I like most things about her, but I never think about her except when she's with me, I never have (and never have had) those moments where... to put it as cliche as possible, my heart just stops and has that longing feeling. I know I'm 'settling' but the stability and the sex keeps bringing me back, especially in light of a really rocky relationship I had on and off for years in my past. This is girl A.

Breaking it off should be the obvious answer. But enter two complications. I live in a dorm and on my floor there is another girl... not nearly as cute, but whose personality I really really dig. I've known her since last fall, but we only started becoming good friends within the last couple of months. I know she's into me and I'm beginning to realize that I actually legitimately like this girl B. Now girl A has been aware of girl B and has made it known to me that she's incredibly jealous of B (since we hang around so much and get along so well) for the past month. I can't possibly break it off with A and play the field (inevitably exploring opportunities with B) without coming off like a HUGE asshole... I basically spent the past month convincing A that there was nothing going on between me and B, but I realize now that I am developing feelings for B. Secondly, the biggest dilemma, springbreak is coming up in 3 weeks; A and I have already decided a few weeks prior to go back and live at my house. Here's the kicker, she's from a foreign country and we have already bought plane tickets back home... Cue Gob Bluth: "I've made a huge mistake". Tickets non-refundable and if I bail I don't know what she'll do for springbreak. What2do?
post #3298 of 3570
I've been in that situation with someone where I felt like I *SHOULD* be completely happy but wasn't. it's weird, but you can't force yourself to be happy.
post #3299 of 3570
It feels shitty being in a situation where you're dating someone great, but various reasons keep you from pursuing something more committed.
post #3300 of 3570
Quote:
Originally Posted by reedobandito View Post

Yea....So I ended up getting back together with the girl I broke up with.
I know I'll get panned for this, but neither of us were happy at all seeing other people, I feel quite good about the decision.

Never works out....

Been there -- seen it -- done it.....

heard on the radio recently that people that people that break up a lot...if they eventually do get married there's a very high chance of it not lasting as they have poor communication and problem solving skills......
Makes sense.......you wouldn't keep breaking up if you could communicate well together.


Just saying....satisfied.gif
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