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I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

HgaleK

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Originally Posted by MarkI
Ugh, 8 am, and I'm still drunk as a skunk. For what it's worth, I'm 19 years old, there is no way I could realistically believe anyone who I met now would be the person I spend my life with...

Wow... no wonder this is so similar. Drop me a PM if you feel like talking about it. Otherwise just a few thoughts:

-Easy on the drinking. My GPA dropped almost an entire point after last semester because I got overly reliant on booze.
-Use it as motivation to get fit. Working out keeps the depression at bay.
-Stay in constant touch with your friends, but do NOT mention the relationship to them. If they want to hear about it they'll say something. Otherwise they'll just get sick of your bitching.
-5 months after the fact and there's a girl who's better than my ex ever was. If/when this one ends, there will be another one too. Same thing will happen to you.
-Workout some more. It's easier to deal with at first when you look in the mirror and think to yourself "look what the ***** is missing out on now."
-Reconnect to the friends and people who you didn't spend enough time with because you were hanging out with the GF. It gives the breakup some slightly positive spin.
-Don't get stuck in a self pity hole. They're destructive as a ***** and hard to get out of.

Good luck man.
 

APK

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Originally Posted by HgaleK
Wow... no wonder this is so similar. Drop me a PM if you feel like talking about it. Otherwise just a few thoughts:

-Easy on the drinking. My GPA dropped almost an entire point after last semester because I got overly reliant on booze.
-Use it as motivation to get fit. Working out keeps the depression at bay.
-Stay in constant touch with your friends, but do NOT mention the relationship to them. If they want to hear about it they'll say something. Otherwise they'll just get sick of your bitching.
-5 months after the fact and there's a girl who's better than my ex ever was. If/when this one ends, there will be another one too. Same thing will happen to you.
-Workout some more. It's easier to deal with at first when you look in the mirror and think to yourself "look what the ***** is missing out on now."
-Reconnect to the friends and people who you didn't spend enough time with because you were hanging out with the GF. It gives the breakup some slightly positive spin.
-Don't get stuck in a self pity hole. They're destructive as a ***** and hard to get out of.

Good luck man.


Good advice except the part in bold. This is a time to reconnect with friends but it's also a time to utilize one of the best parts of having real friends: knowing someone is there to really listen to you and help you through the rough patches. He shouldn't become the guy who brings it up every time he's with his friends. But there's nothing wrong with the sporadic heart-to-heart with a close friend about what he's going through.
 

ghostbusters101

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I feel like 19 is a good age to go through that kind of stuff. I had a similar experience and grew through it. You will meet another girl that is better than her and you'll find you won't care anymore. But for now, take the advice offered in this thread.

Also, don't rush into another relationship with the first girl you bang, unless you're really sure you want to go there. Be young and single because it only happens once.
 

APK

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I went through something similar when I was 21. I remember my uncle's blunt response was, "You're 21. You don't know what you want."

He was so, so right.
 

acecow

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Originally Posted by zissou
After my last breakup, I bought myself the 500 Days of Summer DVD
blush.gif


That movie was great; when it came out I broke up with a girl I was kinda dating for almost half a year and she was exactly like that girl in the movie. Probably a 90% match. It was freaky and interesting at the same time.
 

MarkI

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Originally Posted by HgaleK
Wow... no wonder this is so similar. Drop me a PM if you feel like talking about it. Otherwise just a few thoughts:

-Easy on the drinking. My GPA dropped almost an entire point after last semester because I got overly reliant on booze.
-Use it as motivation to get fit. Working out keeps the depression at bay.
-Stay in constant touch with your friends, but do NOT mention the relationship to them. If they want to hear about it they'll say something. Otherwise they'll just get sick of your bitching.
-5 months after the fact and there's a girl who's better than my ex ever was. If/when this one ends, there will be another one too. Same thing will happen to you.
-Workout some more. It's easier to deal with at first when you look in the mirror and think to yourself "look what the ***** is missing out on now."
-Reconnect to the friends and people who you didn't spend enough time with because you were hanging out with the GF. It gives the breakup some slightly positive spin.
-Don't get stuck in a self pity hole. They're destructive as a ***** and hard to get out of.

Good luck man.


Solid advice, thanks man.
Originally Posted by APK
I went through something similar when I was 21. I remember my uncle's blunt response was, "You're 21. You don't know what you want."

He was so, so right.


You know, a part of me really knows this is true, but it still sucks.

The funniest thing about all of this, is that on another level, I feel extremely violated, I gave this girl so much, I really did, and then she comes out with this. It's like a severe ego pride thing. Such a *****
 

dfagdfsh

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i feel like i need to repost this gem from gqgeek into this thread, so we can all feel kinda good:

eharmony is the only worthwhile site, imo. it's expensive relative to the competition and the process is slow as hell, but the matches are generally pretty good, both physically and for the type of woman i prefer.

i have dates with a lawyer, advertising exec, and a pr chick coming up this week. They're all better looking than I am. They all have hot tight bodies, which is pretty important to me because i don't want to be married to a future ***** (ultimately i'm looking for a LTR b/c i hate dating). I'd say i'm slightly above average, but I dress way above average (obviously). On other sites I had way less success getting dates with the type of chick i wanted to date.

I think that one of the reasons i do better on eh, is that the site protects you from your own bad decisions, in a way, and it stops women from wasting their own time. On my end, I can't email random hotties that i have nothing in common and am completely incompatible with. On the female end, they don't get bombarded, so they can take a closer look at things besides pics, instead of just going with the guys that are better looking than I am, but are probably epsilon semi-morons.

On eh you get 5-10 matches per day, which is a manageable amount, even if they all message you. And the thing I like is that i don't have to write an email as my first attempt at contacting them, which is invariably time consuming. i send her a quick 5 questions and if she doesn't respond, no real time waste. because the site remembers the questions, most of the time i send the same 5 and it takes me no time at all to figure out if a girl is interested.

The other thing I like is that there's income-matching. you can put more or less emphasis on only getting matches in your income bracket. This is good for me because i have trust issues when it comes to money, and there's not much point in me starting a LTR with someone not earning at least as much as I do. Also, i

So far i haven't had any real interest in girls i've met (about a dozen), but that's par for the course with me. I'm pretty damned picky on both looks and intellect/wit. The good news is that there haven't been any horror shows yet. On past sites (i've tried a couple others since moving to TO) i got some really nasty surprises when i showed up to meet them (major photoshop was done on their pics). I only use EH now.

I think what you want to do is go straight to dating. I keep emails short and usually ask them out on second email.

anyway mark i didn't realize you were so young.

but yea she'll hit you up in a week or two.
 

wootx

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We're very sorry, but our matching system cannot predict good matches for you.

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Unfortunately, based on responses to our questionnaire, we occasionally find situations where our matching system cannot identify high quality compatible matches, and this has happened in your case. Please understand that it is a result of our matching process and in no way reflects on you as a person or your ability to be in a happy relationship.

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We wish you all the best in your search for that special someone.

heh...
 

dfagdfsh

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also mark start going to the gym if you don't already. whenever im depressed i go work out - helps a lot to focus on something else and to tire yourself out.
 

HgaleK

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Originally Posted by Teger
also mark start going to the gym if you don't already. whenever im depressed i go work out - helps a lot to focus on something else and to tire yourself out.

Re quoting because this can never be said enough.

One thing that I wish I'd done during the BS was followed: Don't get caught in your living space by yourself if there is any way to avoid it. If you need to study go to the library; work out at the school rec center; eat with friends, etc. It may not be an issue for you, but it got hard for me to leave my apartment at times.

Teger is probably right on her calling you. Don't call her. Don't beg, yell, or apologize either if she does call. A neutral, casual greeting should set the tone on your end after she says hello, and then after she says her spiel explain to her something along the lines of "I appreciate you calling, but I'm going to need some time to think things through. I'll give you a call when I'm ready to discuss this etc..." Keep your tone and choice of words in check (not too cool). Then live up to what you say and don't call her until you're ready. Consult with SF before the call again. There's a good chance you won't listen to what's said, but it will give you a chance to rethink whether or not you're ready to talk.

The funniest thing about all of this, is that on another level, I feel extremely violated, I gave this girl so much, I really did, and then she comes out with this. It's like a severe ego pride thing. Such a *****
It ******* sucks, don't it? Just keep in mind that there are always two sides here.
 

RedLantern

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Originally Posted by MarkI
Solid advice, thanks man.


You know, a part of me really knows this is true, but it still sucks.

The funniest thing about all of this, is that on another level, I feel extremely violated, I gave this girl so much, I really did, and then she comes out with this. It's like a severe ego pride thing. Such a *****


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMGKI...eature=related
 

MarkI

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Originally Posted by HgaleK
Re quoting because this can never be said enough.

One thing that I wish I'd done during the BS was followed: Don't get caught in your living space by yourself if there is any way to avoid it. If you need to study go to the library; work out at the school rec center; eat with friends, etc. It may not be an issue for you, but it got hard for me to leave my apartment at times.

Teger is probably right on her calling you. Don't call her. Don't beg, yell, or apologize either if she does call. A neutral, casual greeting should set the tone on your end after she says hello, and then after she says her spiel explain to her something along the lines of "I appreciate you calling, but I'm going to need some time to think things through. I'll give you a call when I'm ready to discuss this etc..." Keep your tone and choice of words in check (not too cool). Then live up to what you say and don't call her until you're ready. Consult with SF before the call again. There's a good chance you won't listen to what's said, but it will give you a chance to rethink whether or not you're ready to talk.



It ******* sucks, don't it? Just keep in mind that there are always two sides here.


Pretty much what happened, she calls me last night, I answer like that.

I tell her that I would like to see her, sit down, have a neutral conversation, and part ways with no animosity. She agreed, we ended up spending two hours talking on the phone : \\

At the very end I told her I think its best if we dont talk until Wednesday, which is when we are seeing each other, we'll just meet up at the restaurant and go from there.

I really dont know whats going to happen, she still sounds really unsure about the whole thing... but at this point i'm really ready to just say goodbye, i'm sick of this topsy turvy upside down ****, and I let her know it.

So yeah...
 

Nil

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Originally Posted by MarkI
All you guys who are advocating for breaking off contact, do you mean to simply ignore her if she texts/calls?

Send her a text instead of calling (so you don't get verbal diarrhea and try to start some **** again) with something like this: I don't feel comfortable talking to you right now. My feelings are too raw and I need time away from you. This will be my last contact with you for a long time. Please don't try to contact me anymore.

This will tell her straight up how it is instead of leading to a host of "why aren't you responding?!" texts and calls.
 

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