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Business Buzz Words & DoubleSpeak

post #1 of 31
Thread Starter 
Spinning off Faustian Bargain's thread, here are a few words and phrases that I hate (some are pernicious and some just are an excuse for not thinking): win win (which is really just an excuse for rabid self-interest) on the same page touch base "human resources" downsizing interface (when used as verb for communication among people) Edit: Just listening to a radio program on Walmart. They call their workers "associates".
post #2 of 31
Edit:  Just listening to a radio program on Walmart.  They call their workers "associates".
and a customer at Target is called a "guest" Uh...I am a guest? Then why am I paying for things?  When I am a guest at someone's home they don't ask me to pay for dinner.
post #3 of 31
"forming/maintaining relationships" means he takes his customers with him wherever he goes and you can wipe your butt with any non-compete he signs "proactive" means he'll make that end run around you to the boss's boss so adroitly neither one of you will ever know what hit you. Perhaps Manton can make us a dictionary and we can sell it.
post #4 of 31
"turnkey solution" i.e. let's squeeze out the other guys while still managing to skirt antitrust laws. Popular with employees of Microsoft... "Efficient managment of resources" this means we're gonna fire a whole lot of you guys so we can do this offshore and pay $2 a day...
post #5 of 31
"team player" can mean either individual so named cannot assert him/herself, or is a back-stabber with such Machiavellian talent no one else can see he/she's gunning for their jobs "director level position" Accdng to the laws of the Peter Principle- this guy/girl has a snowball's chance in Hell of making Vice President "self starter" what other kind of starter is there???...
post #6 of 31
oh come on, you guys can do better than this... the worst buzzword of all is probably "synergy" and this should be fairly self explanatory. close behind would probably be "competitive advantage" followed by "core competencies" It's even worse when you start using synergy as a verb... I once had a report come across my desk from an intern doing a project for our company that suggested that a merger would be successful by "synerging corporate core competencies" If that isn't a load of bs...
post #7 of 31
OK Guys, doesn't count w/out a humorous definition. We could have some real fun w/this.
post #8 of 31
"Added value" def: see McKinsey & Co. billing practices; synonym: bleeding a customer dry, ant: providing a real service
post #9 of 31
"going forward" - my all time most hated preposition. having royally screwed this aspect of business in the past, the period of time starting "now", i.e. beginning with a recent reorganization of resources and assets "leverage" - close second verb. to use inefficiently
post #10 of 31
I'll take a stab at "synergy"... acting as if there's ever an instance when a corporation enters into a "relationship" with another without all eyes on both companies fixed on quarterly earnings and how to fatten bonuses in the "c" suite... "C" suite- that area in a company where all the (very nasty name)s have their offices, and no one can see the long term forest for the trees of above referenced bonuses
post #11 of 31
"synergy" A term used to imply that a merger of two companies will result in a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts, because the two companies will be able to work together more efficiently. In reality, it means a larger and more powerful company is purchasing a smaller one, likely for its intellectual property, clients, or other stuff, and is going to issue many many pink slips upon the merger completion.
post #12 of 31
Yours is better, Drizz... How about the other 2??? I have one "business devlopment" = strong arm, used car sales tactics with unattainable "goals" or "quotas" Do those 2 later today, heh
post #13 of 31
Sustainable growth... Establishing a department within your company for the sole purpose of devising new ways to screw over the competition and sucking the general public dry.
post #14 of 31
Thread Starter 
I hate the phrase "price point" and especially those who use it as a synonym for "price". My loathing of the phrase is akin to Shooman's loathing of rubber-soled shoos.
post #15 of 31
My boss just sent me an e-mail in which I am supposed to set up a conference call with one of my clients so that we can "dialogue" about one of their programs. I responded that I would set up the call so we could "discuss" the issue. Bradford
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