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post #43966 of 67946
foxy - the only thing I have to say is that I don't think when you are feeling like this is the time to study overseas or travel extensively. You'll just feel the same in a strange place. And maybe feel worse. Maybe not.

Heres my favourite poem of all time. It might help.

The Second Coming By William Butler Yeats

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

The poem has the advantage that thee is always something to learn from it. If you don't understand it then you need to read the bible - not to get religion but because its a great book and it helps you understand a lot about art in our society and Dylan. This poem above has many many phrases taken from it as titles of books and in songs - Joni Mitchell etc etc.
post #43967 of 67946

Ahh Foxy, so much that I could say. I'll preface everything by saying that I think your questions, thoughts and attitudes are of net benefit to you. So many people appear to be thoughtless, typical or robotic - one of the costs of being more aware, or more thoughtful is the occasional bout of serious doubt, apathy, confusion or sadness. However, given that these helps one to better understand themselves, other people and the world, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.


I would suggest a few things:

1. Like many of us, the reason I like forums is because they are communal and social. If you're finding yourself browsing forums and enjoying that, or craving it I would see that as a sign to get more social, or perhaps more meaningfully to engage as a participant in communities that add value to your life and allow you to add value to the lives of those in the community. To echo others' suggestions volunteering is a very easy route to do this. From personal experience I heartily recommend volunteering at a school - nothing makes me feel as useful, purposeful or happy as helping young people - there are a million ways to do this (and I can provide a lot of avenues if you'd like), but nothing has been more affirming to me than praise from children. I doubt anything will ever be as affirming (and I'm sure the fathers on the board feel that even more so than I!).


2. If buying things isn't giving you satisfaction, then stop. Stuff will always be there, don't fill voids in your life with things. That never works. Just like eating when you're sad, it only prolongs the pain and adds another issue. I would suggest joining the no purchase club for awhile, perspective is great. I find I get little satisfaction from buying clothing, to me it's like a gallery - looking, thinking, talking, learning are all things I love, but the buying and pursuing are boring.


3. If you want to travel - travel alone, and travel on your own terms. Yo will meet people who are very sincere and very warm in hostels, and you will learn a lot about yourself. If you're worried feel free to tag along on some of my trips - I take a lot of them because they are worth it. Today, for example, I've been given two gifts, a marriage proposal, some food, etc, etc, etc it's crazy, and fun.


4. Read: here are some books that I found incredibly affirming: Walden, Hardcore Zen, The Messenger, High Fidelity, God Bless you Mr. Rosewater


5. Mix it up. Stangnation breeds boredom, which breeds unhappiness. Do something different - of course video games will not always occupy you - you change as a person, you develop - there aren't many hobbies that stick forever. Do something new - I try to do something new each fortnight - even if it's just fishing, helping a friend renovate, eating a weird dish, or whatever - if you're life isn't allowing you to do new things, then perhaps it will inevitably bore you.


YMMV, IMO, IME - all from a 24 year odl who doesn't know much

post #43968 of 67946


Originally Posted by fxh View Post

foxy - the only thing I have to say is that I don't think when you are feeling like this is the time to study overseas or travel extensively. You'll just feel the same in a strange place. And maybe feel worse. Maybe not.


While you may be right I want to provide some alternative perspectives:


- I often feel that I struggle to connect with people socially - especially where I live. Travel reminds me that I'm not a fucking recluse and that I am quite social and like it, it allows me to reconnect with a side of myself that I struggle with connecting to in country Australia


- I gain a lot of perspective on trips, and a lot of insight that I don't gain at home - a lot of this helps me to mature and cope with day to day drudgery


- Excitement is important. I think a lot of people between 18-25 struggle to find soemthing to hold on to and connect with - we're often plagued with feelings (sometimes misplaced) of being alone, cast adrift, what have you - experiences and memories really help me to anchor myself

post #43969 of 67946
post #43970 of 67946

Foxhound - I am only slightly older than  you, and doubt myself to be any wiser, but I think the best advice someone gave me was to take time off uni. If your marks aren't as good as they could/should be, its best to wait until you're in the right frame of mind to ensure they are. I spent my first year not giving uni a fair go, and its come to bite me when I apply for jobs following university.


Somebody once said that the time after high school is something that you'll come to appreciate when you're older, and people shouldn't feel the need to rush into a job. It seems like good advice to me.

post #43971 of 67946
Though I'm not a massive contributor, it's great to see all the advice and kind sentiment from so many thread members.

Edit: foxy, didn't mean that condescendingly, I'm more or less in the same position plus relationship woes, so I'm soaking this up.
post #43972 of 67946



You've got some pretty solid advice here so I won't inundate you. 


You seem to be a victim of atomic living - working long hours, staying at home, socialising online and spending your time watching home entertainment systems. There's nothing wrong with it per se, but it can be isolating. 


Your best bet is to join a club or take up a hobby that involves other people - e.g. yachting teams are always after crew members. You'll have to put your thinking cap on. 


Alternatively, have a drink or two and go chat to some people in a bar. You'd be surprised at how natural it can be and how many people will be cool with you tagging along for the evening. That said, clubs and heavy metal concerts are not the places to do this. 


Food for thought.


Does Melbourne have renewal projects? You could find some people and do a start up like a coffee shop or something. 

Edited by Oli2012 - 1/8/14 at 5:44am
post #43973 of 67946
Foxhound I'll pm you when I get my thoughts together... One general comment however is that more forums are very counter productive. I *may* post some of this publicly but some of it is very personal and I'd rather not share on a public forum.
post #43974 of 67946

I thankyou all for your respones, I really do appreciate it. I plan on removing all the clutter from my life, comptuers playstation, gameboy, tablets. Things I never use. Downsize my wardrobe and shoe collection too.


I plan on using some of this money to Travel.


I also plan on picking up reading again, I am currently going through the Communist Manifesto, something I purchased years early but never bothered to read. I'm also going to start reading on programming and try and get a head start on uni. Another goal I am setting is to bring my swearing down to a minimum, I've noticed that I've gotten quite bad lately.


I thankyou all so much for your help and guidance. I am honestly terrible with replying, but I thankyou from the bottom of my (very shallow) heart.

post #43975 of 67946
Also foxy, if you want a sojourn I'm brisbane you can stay with me. I have a spare room ATM and if it fills a couch. Be glad to have you.
post #43976 of 67946
Foxy, just google St John's College Annapolis, click the Wikipedia entry, and you will get the whole reading list spanning four years of undergraduate study.

Get started. Today.

In fact, if you are interested, I'll read the list in tandem with you. Other members are free to join if they wish.

Only you can figure out what you really want out of your life. Nobody else can help. Half the battle is won if you know the correct question to ask yourself.

Good luck, you will be fine.
post #43977 of 67946
Wow this forum suddenly got serious and support group-like.

Foxy... like others have said many people, including me, have gone through something like that (to be honest, I don't think I'm quite out of it yet). But best of luck.
post #43978 of 67946
Great to see this thread rallying behind FH. Fox, I had a similar feeling during my Uni days. What kept me going was meaningful relationships with a few really true friends. Meeting my wife was a big part of the process and helped me mature some what. Personally, my happiness still is a daily inward choice and ideally not a product of outward factors/circumstances. That being said, having a job I like and a healthy marriage has definitely helped my choices. I still have some cranky days at times, part of the normal ebb and flow.

For you, I would advocate decluttering as a healthy behaviour. However, please avoid selling off your things as fast as you bought them. Take time and make it a thoughtful process (but avoid rumination). Donate some things. I cleared my closet and donated my unused clothes recently. Felt really good. Also threw out my old notes and consolidating books as well.

I personally love buying things and derive a lot of pleasure in my purchases. However, having not purchased a single new or used item of any sort since October has been good for me. I thus, like others, advocate for you to join the no purchase club. Happy to meet up for club coffee.

Lastly, when I have a bad day, I tend to watch a movie to relax. I avoid watching whole series or a string of movies. One should be enough and then move on to something else like reading or cleaning. Have you seen About Time? Cheesy rom com but tons of feel good.

Hope some of this helps.
post #43979 of 67946
Some really great advice here. I don't know that we'd see this in many other areas on SF.
post #43980 of 67946
Anyone here ever had a Working Holiday Visa? Thinking of quitting my job and applying for it...I always wanted to live and travel around France for a year. Am I crazy?
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