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Give your best advice to an expecting father - Page 3

post #31 of 354
im no parent but i know from everyone around me and how i was raised, dont be that parent that is too much of a bitch to take their kids outside and scream at them or be very firm with them. i hate those parents that let their kids go nuts and run around causing crap and dont do anything about it. i dont mind if the kid is going nuts and the parents is doing something to try and stop it etc. but if they do nothing it pisses me off to no end.
post #32 of 354
Vinyl gloves are your best friend.

- B
post #33 of 354
Quote:
Originally Posted by gdl203 View Post
Thanks EL - a lot of this advice about trusting natural parental instincts is quite in line with this book I'm reading now ("Bébé, dis-moi qui tu es"). Language will be quite a challenge for us as neither of us is a native English speaker so we'll speak two languages to them at home - and neither will be English !

I haven't read that book but it reminds me that "J'eleve mon enfant", in case you don't have it, is a good reference for looking things up concerning all aspects of child rearing.

As for languages, that is definitely the way to go. It's more difficult when both parents don't speak the language but if you stick to it, they will grow up trilingual and have a richer life more connected to their ancestral cultures.
post #34 of 354
Quote:
Originally Posted by gdl203 View Post
Thanks EL - a lot of this advice about trusting natural parental instincts is quite in line with this book I'm reading now ("Bébé, dis-moi qui tu es"). Language will be quite a challenge for us as neither of us is a native English speaker so we'll speak two languages to them at home - and neither will be English !

don't panic if they aren't speaking on schedule - adding languages can make it harder to speak, but they will make up for lost time once they start
post #35 of 354
The early memories will be a joy for the rest of your life. Congratulations and my very best wishes to your new family! I have a son who is 22.

A few random thoughts come to mind:

-We started traveling and flying with him from 5 weeks old. Just take them everywhere you normally go and they seem to get comfortable with the routine.

-Get a masculine bag. No girlie floral lavender diaper bags for me! I had an English Brady Bag fishing creel made from khaki canvas and lined in rubber. (I still have it) It was very practical for diapers and bottles. Best of all it was cool.

- Your dry cleaner is going to love you. I tended to rotate my khakis and grey pants into the cleaners 2x a week due to spilled milk and other such stinky things.

-I traveled a lot so I made a commitment to myself that I would put my son to bed and read to him every single night I was home. If we had guests over, I would excuse myself and my wife would take over while I read. It was so much fun to have him fall asleep on me. And, as he got older we got to read so many interesting books.

-When he was about one, I started drawing with him. I carried a zip lock bag with colored pencils and pads of paper. At night when I got home or when ever we went out, at dinner or in a plane, we would draw. When he was small I would ask them what he wanted me to draw. As he got older he would draw. I bet I drew a million sharks!

-Don't underestimate how much they take in. What you say and especially how you act really makes a difference.

- I would rather have a child be a little spoiled than neurotic. I don't think there is such a thing as too much attention.

-Be prepared that no matter how cool and stylish their father might be, the kids may have their own style. And, that's OK!

We look forward to new parent updates soon.
post #36 of 354
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dakota rube View Post
This won't come into play for you for awhile, but always kneel down and get on an eye-to-eye level with your kids while you are talking to them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by globetrotter View Post
+1 and make sure that they look you in the eye when you are talking to them. run a tight ship.

Damn great advise!

Quote:
Originally Posted by gdl203 View Post
D day is approaching fast and I'm looking for words of wisdom for some of you who've been there, beyond the usual parenting/baby book stuff.

What are your top pieces of advice?

Special bonus points for fathers of twins giving specific twin advice

Hey congratulations GDL! I don't have twins but right now we're raising 2 girls- a 5 year old and a 6 month old. Here are some old but true cliches I can share:

- enjoy every moment with them. time DOES go fast, and children do grow up fast.
- make sure you and the wife have time alone together as much as you can
- don't believe in all those parenting hype and new age crap on how to raise kids
- don't spoil them or make them think they're entitled to anything
- talk to them (agree with straight talking- not the googoogaga thing) and show interest in what they're doing or what they did while you're away
- if your extended family is around make sure they get to know their relatives, grandparents, cousins, etc.. unless of course they're creepy.
- doing things together doesn't mean doing what they want all the time
- expect nothing less than good behavior all the time
- best way to raise kids is by example- specially how you and your wife communicate to each other
- don't buy expensive and hyped baby products like those Bugaboo strollers and designer baby clothes.

Keep us posted when the twins come out GDL. Good luck and congratulations to the wife too!
post #37 of 354
Sleep now, and forever miss your peace...

Congrats
post #38 of 354
Most has been said. But don't buy drums or trumpets, when they are a little older.
post #39 of 354
Quote:
Originally Posted by gdl203 View Post
Thanks EL - a lot of this advice about trusting natural parental instincts is quite in line with this book I'm reading now ("Bébé, dis-moi qui tu es"). Language will be quite a challenge for us as neither of us is a native English speaker so we'll speak two languages to them at home - and neither will be English !

Not a challenge. An opportunity. All the research shows children are incredibly able to grasp language very well. As they get older it gets more and more difficult. After a certain age (I think 16) it is very unlikely to learn a language and not have your native accent show through, etc.
post #40 of 354
If you have the resources, get at least a part-time housekeeper or a nanny so that you do not both go insane.

In any case, DO NOT turn down offers of help, especially if it is the kind that allows you and your wife to go out alone once in a while.
post #41 of 354
Haven't read the previous posts so if redundent, just confirms the sentiments. Both my kids are teenagers and I still remember the birth of my first vividly as if it was yesterday. I have two bits of advice.

I highly recommend taking the first week or two off from work and just relish the quietude of the newborn. Obviously, it won't be quiet, but you'll probably reflect on the life changes and the fascination of moving on with a baby and family. You will be looking forwards, backwards and in the moment; It is a memorable time, just go with the flow.

Treat your wife so she doesn't feel like she is competing for your attention with the baby. take time to do things just with her, ket her know that she is as specil with the baby as without.

Peace.
post #42 of 354


Good advice here. As an ex-infantry drill sgt (?), I think you can take GT's words to the bank!

We have twin boyz (now 5 and a half!) and would echo the 'get them on the same schedule' recommendation. Nothing will be 'easy' for awhile, but if you can get them eating and sleeping at the same time you'll at least have a couple of hours to try and make some semblance of order out of the chaos (or take a nap).

Another thing, if you can swing it, is a good baby nurse. Find one, and then take all that eating-out-delicious-restaurant $$$ and turn it into her retainer fee! This person will become your new best friend.

Think of everything you'll possibly need to do, and then do it (now). Procrastination is not an option. Get as much taken care of and out of the way in advance as is humanly possible.

I wasn't real keen on the support groups, but they can be a good resource for nanny contacts, buying & selling gear, etc. : http://www.manhattanmothersoftwins.org/

Good luck, and feel free to PM w/ any questions.
post #43 of 354
...........on a practical matter, some more suggestions:

infants tend to scratch themselves with regularity and look like the losing end of a battle with a cat. Unless you swaddle the baby so his/her arms are restrained, they will scratch. Baby scissors designed to safely trim baby nails will be indispensible for this problem. You will have to go to a fairly large or specializaed drugstore to find them.

If you aren't a member already, join a warehouse club for the volume of paper and baby products you wiil consume.
post #44 of 354
Whoa - it's all coming back to me....

Get a bottle sterilizer! Don't worry to much about a warmer - just as easy to put bottles in pan of hot water. We all know Manhattan is the center of the universe, right? NOT SO for baby products! Diapers, formula (w/ twins chances are you will be supplementing w/ formula from the get go), wipes, A&D ointment, Aquaphor, Triple Paste, diaper genie refills, etc., are often in short supply at your local Duane Read, and once you choose your 'brand' it will be next to impossible to find the stuff in the quantites you're looking for. Chelsea resident - BuyBuyBaby, no worries, right? Wrong! You'll see they're constantly 'out' of what you're looking for. Do yourself a favor and get a drugstore.com account set up. Dedicate a shelf (closet?) to the baby stuff and keep it stocked.

Get the dual bouncy seat set-up going. Take tons of pictures. Music soothes the savage beast.

SF duds will take a beating between spit-up and wear&tear on knees - don't 'get dressed' until you're ready to leave and change as soon as you get home.
post #45 of 354
If you want a masculine and extremely well-designed diaper bag, check out http://www.diaperdude.com/. We started with a regular diaper bag from Babies 'R Us and used that for about a year before my in-laws gave me one of the bags from this site. It is much more comfortable, much better designed and more organized that it has since become the go-to bag for both my wife and I for the past 4-years for both kids. And congratulations! It's a really awesome experience becoming a dad.
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