Anyone here have issues with shyness / social anxiety? - Page 4

That and looking good enough to compensate for social deficits that aren't easily overcome. Why, in Style Forum, do responses continually overlook his appearance concern in favor of advice that might only apply to the individuals giving it? The guy doesn't seem to be an extreme case requiring intensive therapy. His situation sounds more like that of an applicant to The Pickup Artist - he can compare here - where makeovers (awful word) are a major step.

Aren't some noticeable non-verbal behaviors - such as blushing, sweating, and lack of eye contact - associated with social anxiety? "Somehow" sounds doubting.


This might be mistaken for a person attack, but doesn't her beauty make you want to help her more. It's documented that mental health professionals are not immune to the beauty bias.


What if something is wrong with the presentation? Shouldn't that be addressed? It's self-serving to say, but it's also frustrating to have to say, that it can be very hard for people to get honest, helpful feedback on their looks.


That makes sense. Anecdotally and according to at least one research finding, people with body image issues - probably people who have above-average levels of general anxiety - tend to avoid fitted clothes, but that's nothing like appearing dissheveled. Are clinical programs teaching any of the other findings about looks and psychological functioning?

You're exactly right. I'm a girl and I couldn't have explained it better myself.

I'm really surprised that West24 has had such success with that strategy. I'm a girl, and if someone said to me, "I have never had a real girlfriend and i think i may have stained my pants just by talking to you," I would be quite disgusted. TMI is not the kind of honesty women go for. When women say they value honesty, they mean integrity and character - call me crazy, but "I have premature ejaculation" translates pretty poorly to "I am honorable and trustworthy."

“Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself” In other words, you need to let go and make yourself vulnerable to rejection. That's what's holding you back. It's much harder to let go than you may think. --trajan

Social Anxiety is when the fear of rejection is more then the fear of not succeeding... The truth is that not succeeding is far worse then rejection...

Business people are aware that 9-10 businesses fail, but they go in with the drive to try to make the one they are working on succeed. They realize that the one that works can last them a lifetime... so the 9 that fail is no big deal...

Social Interaction has far better success rates then businesses... all people want to be accepted, and most adults in fear that they won't be accepted, so they welcome interaction that feels honest.

I'll admit, I'm an a$$... I tell people that up front, and I never seem to be as bad as they first thought I would be... They always say your not and a$$, your aggressive and demanding - and those things make me want to be better at who I am... If you can bring something to someone life that is of value they will accept you... the fear you have is that you don't have value... Get out of your own head, write down the things that you know that are valuable. read the list every morning, and find a way to expand it... then force your self to talk to people you normally would have feared... I now talk to everyone... The check out lady always asks, "Hows it going today?" - My standard reply is a very sarcastic and up beat "Fan-Tab-U-less" or "Just Shitty, how about you?"... I then talk about things that are upbeat and fun... sometimes just about the magazines at the check out, or about the kewl design she has on her nails... or once about the cutest little birthmark on her jaw line...

I can't really respond without just reposting everything I have already said but I will try.

Again, the fear of being evaluated negatively is IRRATIONAL. Most people are so wrapped up in themselves they don't notice others non-verbal responses to anxiety. Social phobics see themselves as being under societal scrutiny which isnt so. As I said again, alot of people present as totally normal looking, they only imagine everyone can "see" their anxiety.

The patient is hot, but she is a patient. I don't "try" anymore with her than I do with anyone else.

The persons presentation is insignificant which for some reason you are having a hard time grasping. However, for your entertainment say the patient is hideously ugly, what would you suggest to them, get a makeover and then you'll feel less anxious? They look the same as everyone else.

I study and use empirical approaches to treatment that are well supported in the literature. I havent read anything in the journals about social phobia and "looks" lately.

dl

The point was not a personal attack. It was to illustrate that human nature makes almost anyone treat others differentially based on their looks, often without their knowledge. Sometimes it's very subtle, like slight changes in body language. There is some research on patient attractiveness in a clinical setting. Click for an example.


Though significant unattractiveness usually cannot be changed with just non-invasive approaches such as clothes, looking more attractive might help. BBC America has run a special called "Too Ugly to Love." It seemed to be about social anxiety caused by perceived unattractiveness. One male featured was genuinely unattractive and was shown being called "minger" on one of his leave-home exercises, which of course impeded his progress. In cases that don't involve obvious mental health problems, appearance changes often help with socializing comfortably. Just watch Dr. 90210 or What Not to Wear to hear what individuals report after looking better. It's notable that many individuals featured on the latter go on there thinking they look okay. What might be happening is de facto positive exposure therapy, with makeovers garnering positive reactions that lower anxiety.


There's not nearly as much out there as there should be, but clearly you could and should read more. It's unfortunate if you are one of those individuals who believe that appearances have little effect on social interactions. That belief isn't any more "rational" than social anxiety or blanket condemnation of psychotherapy.

By the way, the literature on social anxiety disorder suggests that, in addition to first-person mistreatment, witnessing others being mistreated (for their looks, maybe) can trigger social anxiety and also that it often begins in childhood. A mental health professional might only see the adult patient and not realize that, for example, the patient used to be bullied. Maybe, like with seeing a classmate teased, the patient doesn't recall the specific trigger. Maybe the "invititation" for bullying was never clear and actually was something about the person's appearance. There's probably a rational component to more than a few cases.