Anyone here have issues with shyness / social anxiety?

I am a 30 year old guy and have been shy all of my life. I am hopeless at being around people in general, particularly girls and when I am around an attractive girl I just fall apart, feel stressed, and look very awkward - to the point that I probably come across as strange. After a recent negative experience with a girl I was attracted to I am determined to deal with this and get a handle on it, but I'm not sure exactly where to start. I don't have many male friends and wouldn't even want to tell you about my lack of past relationships. Hit me over the head with a violin if you please, but my lack of style is only part of the problem. I would say I am average looking, but I don't really know. I am so out of touch that I have hardly been in clubs to be able to gauge what kind of attention I would get. There have been two occasions in my life where females I thought were good looking either thought the same about me or showed an interest in me. However, one of them was too young for me. Most the time I feel like the invisible man because I never get a second look and most women seem to be looking past me when I am walking near them. I would appreciate any advice from people who have successfully dealt with similar issues. There are so many different psychological tags, and so many dating / confidence books that I feel even more confused by the wealth of theories and information out there. The girl I had the bad exerience with was about 22, and I really feel I am letting life slip away at my age.

J and Millhouse, I sometimes fear I am not interested in other people enough. I don't really see people and get excited about them as opportunities for discussions about their lives. It's almost like I have lost a side of my humanity through being introverted, and have a cold view of the world. This worries me because how can I say I have a genuine interest if I do not feel it on a gut level? It's the simple things people seem to judge you on. If they smile and you don't, or they laugh and you don't then they start to question what type of person you are and recoil from you. My worrying about things like this becomes self fulfilling in social situations. Maybe my distrust of people and my fear that they will perceive me negatively is worse now than yours was J, but maybe not. Let me know. Also regarding your advice to go to cafes. I started doing this after I had therapy in 2004 but they had tables where people were not talking to each other. I avoided bars because I don't drink beer and I am not sure that a guy going into a bar and drinking wine is the done thing. I would like to go to bars, but I fear I will fall into a trap of using Dutch courage - which would probably help as it happens. Longskate88, is the above kind of paragraph the type of thing that is found in "How to win friends and influence people"? This is the kind of message I need to have drummed into my head repeatedly in any form. I have spent too much time wasting days. I have wasted my 20s as far as I am concerned. The opportunity I missed with the girl last week is burning me up, and I want to force myself to experience more of this because it seems to be the wake up call I need.

I'll take your advice Millhouse. I have never been to a wine bar on my own but that will be a challenge. I just have to start making conversation with people. I had forgot about the times I was urging myself to chat with the waitresses when I started going to cafes a few years back, but didn't have the courage to do so. You just reminded me. I have no more excuses. edited to add: I should mention I just looked up wine bars and seen people talking about how romantic the ones I found are, and that they're a great place to take a partner. Immidiately the voice in my head tells me I will be sitting on my own surrounded by couples and I start to doubt myself. It's awful.