Originally Posted by celery
I highly recommend cheating with another species. So far, I haven't met any animals that give away secrets.
There was a farmer whose three prized pigs stopped eating. After a lengthy examination, the vet told the farmer that these pigs needed a good shagging, and that the farmer should conduct said shagging each morning for the next week.
So each morning for a week, the farmer fed the chickens, milked the cows, and took his three pigs to a nearby field and shagged each one of them. By Saturday the farmer was dead tired. As he lay in bed he asked his wife if the pigs had eaten yet. She replied "No, they're in the truck and honking the horn."