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Swingers and open marriages

post #1 of 80
9/25/08 at 3:21pm
Thread Starter 
I'm amazed at how many swinging couples there are out there. I am not one of them. However I find it fascinating when someone has an open marriage or brings a third party in to "share" between the spouses. A while ago my wife and I were "hit on" by a couple we met randomly while trying to find a friend's apartment. They seemed *really* eager to make our acquaintance. I just thought they were weird; it didn't occur to me afterward what the likely explanation was. I have since met several very attractive women in open marriages and while I do not partake, I can't deny the temptation exists.

Are any of you in an open marriage or do you know someone who is? How does it work? Is the marriage relationship negatively affected? Or have you even been invited to join in with a married couple? I don't think I ever could, aside from my own resistance to infidelity I'd be afraid of the other guy trying to turn it into a sausage fest or a DP (yuck).

Does this belong in Dumb Threads? Probably, but its a (semi) serious question.
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post #2 of 80
9/25/08 at 4:07pm
I think its for people who should have not gotten married in the first place, but are not brave enough or whatever-enough to null the marriage and sleep around like they want to.

But whatever, if you like it and everyone consents, it doesn't really matter. Be happy.
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post #3 of 80
9/25/08 at 4:10pm
I actually think it's gotten more prevalent because of the internet. There probably used to be a smaller number of these people, but now they're more open about it because they can find each other online.
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post #4 of 80
9/25/08 at 4:35pm
Warlok, is this a baby-steps kinda way of bringing Whodini into your marital bliss?
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post #5 of 80
9/25/08 at 5:40pm
Thread Starter 
Well....actually I was kinda you hoping the two of you were looking for a third party sugar daddy type.....
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post #6 of 80
9/25/08 at 5:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradford View Post
I actually think it's gotten more prevalent because of the internet. There probably used to be a smaller number of these people, but now they're more open about it because they can find each other online.
absolutely! it's a lot easier to explore what and who are out there from your laptop. Couples that are "first timers" don't have to explore the crap-shoot that is most swing clubs and can talk to couples and exchange IM's/emails/photos before meeting. It takes a lot of pressure off of the situation. Especially in rural or conservative areas where meeting people in "real life" is not likely. it's very similar to the way the Internet has revolutionized traditional 1-on-1 dating.
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post #7 of 80
9/25/08 at 5:44pm
I hang out with nerds. I know a couple who will hold Vampire the Masquerade(Pen and paper LARP) parties that eventually end the night with in character swinging.

I had to be told this from multiple sources before I believed it.
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post #8 of 80
9/25/08 at 5:45pm
True - although at least in real life one-on-one dating, it's a lot more accepted to ask someone out if you're attracted to them and they show interest. I can't really imagine having someone ask me if I wanted to join them as a couple or something
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post #9 of 80
9/25/08 at 5:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrettChaotix View Post
absolutely! it's a lot easier to explore what and who are out there from your laptop. Couples that are "first timers" don't have to explore the crap-shoot that is most swing clubs and can talk to couples and exchange IM's/emails/photos before meeting. It takes a lot of pressure off of the situation. Especially in rural or conservative areas where meeting people in "real life" is not likely.

it's very similar to the way the Internet has revolutionized traditional 1-on-1 dating.

While I agree that the internet helps smaller "interest groups" connect very easily, I'm not sure that I agree with 1 on 1 dating being revolutionized by the internet. Sure there are dating websites, but how many people are successful with dating now, as opposed to pre-internet dating? I don't know that I would consider the numbers revolutionary, especially since so many people still prefer to do it the old fashioned way.
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post #10 of 80
9/25/08 at 6:06pm
Thread Starter 
The part about matching interests and getting to know someone a bit first is definitely easier via internet. Also its much less awkward to turn it down or be turned down if there is not any interest. A good friend of mine got married to a girl he met via internet dating and they're expecting their 1st kiddie.
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post #11 of 80
9/25/08 at 6:08pm
Thread Starter 
Also the part about internet dating I find fascinating is the fact that, at least in some places, there is no pretense. People are there to find other people to shag. No shame or embarrassment, no awkward bar or club scene where you have to make small talk or a girl feels like she can't put out.
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post #12 of 80
9/25/08 at 6:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Milhouse View Post
While I agree that the internet helps smaller "interest groups" connect very easily, I'm not sure that I agree with 1 on 1 dating being revolutionized by the internet. Sure there are dating websites, but how many people are successful with dating now, as opposed to pre-internet dating? I don't know that I would consider the numbers revolutionary, especially since so many people still prefer to do it the old fashioned way.

I tend to agree. Once you meet in person, you are back to square 1 anyways.

Tobias Funke used to recommend open relationships as a last resort to save marriages though he admitted the strategy never worked. I strongly agree.

If you are into swinging, you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. There have always been strange people and those with fetishes, etc but with declining standards in society they are just more readily accepted or easily ignored (I can't decide which). I think this is where the internet has played the biggest role, desensitizing society to taking it in the pooper.
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post #13 of 80
9/25/08 at 8:41pm
Thread Starter 
It seems like a lot of these people want the safety, security, companionship, and social benefits that go along with being married, but at the same time they realize that having just one partner does not meet their sexual needs. I wonder what kind of jealosy ensues, especially when one partner ends up getting a lot more play buddies.
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post #14 of 80
9/25/08 at 8:51pm
I think it's a disgusting practice.. I mean how could you possibly let someone else bang your partner, the person you plan on having children with? That's sick...
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post #15 of 80
9/25/08 at 9:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiecollector View Post
Tobias Funke used to recommend open relationships as a last resort to save marriages though he admitted the strategy never worked.

WTF?
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