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Nice guy's lament

post #1 of 68
9/16/08 at 10:29pm
Thread Starter 
This is a question for the multitude of classy gents on this forum who also happen to be nice guys.

We've all, at one point or another, been tempted to commit some horribly destructive act upon watching the feminine objects of our desires walk off with some guy who is, gently speaking, an ass. Nice guys must all learn at some point that treating women like gold doesn't guarantee you anything beyond a "favorable mention" in their mental rolodex, but we stubborn/naiive/hopelessly romantic ones have a hard time changing our ways.

So here's my question: At what point in your lives did the nice girls you were attempting to woo realize that nice guys were actually worth their time and affection? Is it a sudden epiphany, or more of a gradual development?

Candid answers appreciated, obnoxious quips distinctly less so.

Thanks much,

JMC
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post #2 of 68
9/16/08 at 10:34pm
Smart people adapt. That goes for both men and women. Women start figuring out that perhaps they may want something different. Men start figuring out how to attract the appropriate women. Women start learning to be receptive to advances from different men. So on and so forth. It is a big long process and I'm not sure there is really any clear point at which suddenly everything changes.

So, learn a lesson from this situation and move on.
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post #3 of 68
9/16/08 at 10:36pm
nvm
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post #4 of 68
9/16/08 at 10:37pm
nvm

edit: time to lay off the Two Hearted for the night.
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post #5 of 68
9/16/08 at 10:42pm
Once it happens I'll let you know.
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post #6 of 68
9/16/08 at 10:44pm
I think the whole notion that girls like nice guys and fuck/date assholes is mistaking the symptom for the disease. What women are actually attracted to is confidence, I believe. It's just that assholes tend to be more confident, or at least to exhibit a practiced bravado that many women mistake for confidence.
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post #7 of 68
9/16/08 at 10:50pm
Thread Starter 
Confidence has never been a problem of mine--far from it. It's not a problem of attracting and charming girls at parties, but more of a difficulty with establishing a genuine relationship. Random hookups quickly lose their appeal if you're actually looking for something meaningful, but since I'm a college student I may just be screwed.
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post #8 of 68
9/16/08 at 10:52pm
Thread Starter 
browser error, make no mind.
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post #9 of 68
9/16/08 at 10:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoelMichael37 View Post
Confidence has never been a problem of mine--far from it. It's not a problem of attracting and charming girls at parties, but more of a difficulty with establishing a genuine relationship. Random hookups quickly lose their appeal if you're actually looking for something meaningful, but since I'm a college student I may just be screwed.

So do you have problems closing in general or just finding a long term relationship?
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post #10 of 68
9/17/08 at 10:51am
Thread Starter 
Problem lies in establishing long-term relationships, which I know many girls my age aren't even looking for.

And it's been a day and a good sleep since said triggering incident, so I'm more level and move-on-able at this point. There's that 24 hour period when you just feel like crap, but now I'm moving on to other things in my head.

I am interested in people's experiences here, though. My uncle told me years ago that women really get a clue after their first horrendous break-up/divorce, but I'd really rather not wait until then.

And, as a follow-up to the general topic, do nice girls end up becoming less psychotic/moody/irrational than the average woman? I don't think I'd mind waiting longer to find a serious relationship if it landed me with a better half that doesn't go from sweet to sociopathic at the drop of a hat. Any correlation that you've found?
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post #11 of 68
9/17/08 at 12:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Edward Appleby View Post
I think the whole notion that girls like nice guys and fuck/date assholes is mistaking the symptom for the disease. What women are actually attracted to is confidence, I believe. It's just that assholes tend to be more confident, or at least to exhibit a practiced bravado that many women mistake for confidence.
I agree with the basic premise, but have a slightly different take on the situation. Girls who date assholes are not only attracted to confidence (more often feigned than real), they also want excitement in their lives and "bad boys" provide it. It happens because most of these girls lack self-esteem, so they put up with far more crap than anyone should and are unwilling to wait for a great guy, or sometimes even a decent guy, because they get an ego boost from being with an exciting, "confident" guy. I now take a close look at boyfriends and former boyfriends to judge a woman's self-esteem. I won't waste my time with someone who has a history of dating "bad boys" because women usually don't get over this until sometime in their 30's. By that time, they have a couple kids and assorted emotional baggage after being used and abused by the guys they found so exciting. Unfortunately, women with real self-esteem are rare in my life right now, but I'm still looking. Edit: The bottom line is, it's a numbers game and girls attracted to assholes are fundamentally flawed and aren't worth your time. You deserve better and your time is better spent looking elsewhere. Forget them and move on ASAP.
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post #12 of 68
9/17/08 at 1:10pm
Why you guys always blaming the woman? Why don't you try to date a "nice girl"? The truth [probably is that] you don't want a "nice girl" anymore than an attractive woman wants a "nice guy".
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post #13 of 68
9/17/08 at 1:43pm
I've found that the problem with most nice guys that have confidence is that they treat women as equals (tis was me a looonnnggg time ago). Women are not equals. Women want to serve a man and make him happy. Women need to be told what to do...it makes them feel secure and allows them to avoid responsibility for their actions.
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post #14 of 68
9/17/08 at 1:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoelMichael37 View Post
So here's my question: At what point in your lives did the nice girls you were attempting to woo realize that nice guys were actually worth their time and affection? Is it a sudden epiphany, or more of a gradual development?
Generally happens in their mid-twenties
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post #15 of 68
9/17/08 at 2:07pm
whoah
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faded501s View Post
I've found that the problem with most nice guys that have confidence is that they treat women as equals (tis was me a looonnnggg time ago). Women are not equals. Women want to serve a man and make him happy. Women need to be told what to do...it makes them feel secure and allows them to avoid responsibility for their actions.
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